Sleepless Sleepover

Mood: happy; hyper
Currently: at Yasmin's house for a sleepover
Listening to: Sink or Swim -- Tyrone Wells; Diana and Revathi being crazy

I'm currently at Yasmin's house for a sleepover, but currently Diana and Revathi are doing this weird jumping thing. I actually have no idea what in the world they are doing . . . Anyhow, Yasmin's kind of just recording them being crazy as I type what happening. Why? I just had a random temptation to type stuff. Yeah. Well, I wish I could go on AIM, but I don't know if her computer even has it. That or I fail at looking through her programs. Anyhow, even if I could go on AIM, my boyfriend isn't going to be on! His family and a bunch of family friends went on this annual ski trip. Though he did call earlier, which totally made my day. I was waiting all day for my phone to ring. Occasionally, after running off to do something crazy with Yasmin, Revathi, and Diana, I'd run back, trying to find my phone, but once I do, I find that I don't have any missed calls. Since I'm talking about the sleepover, and not Yasmin joined in with the weird jumping thing, I'll give a brief sketch out of what happened today.
First of all, I woke up at noon, since I'm a dork and never wake up until around that time, then I automatically ate my lunch. I watched a bunch of anime before actually finishing packing my stuff. But then I realized that I was short on time, and it wasn't even until 4:30 when I left the house, but that was actually the time the sleepover starts. What's even worse, my dad all had to drop my mom off at the supermarket, so the detour took a bit of time, then yeah, I didn't actually get to Yasmin's house until maybe around 4:45. I got there, Revathi randomly took a picture of me in the doorway, and I was like, "what the?" Oh dang, I just sneezed. I wonder if Hee Soo is talking about me, ahaha, just kidding. Anyhow, so apparently Revathi was there ages ago, she and Yasmin were staring out the window for me to arrive. Then I joined them in the pressing-our-faces-into-the-window-waiting-for-Diana-to-arrive event. Eventually, Diana came about 5:10 and told us her crazy story of why she was late. Then, since Revathi was all excited to, we opened out gifts (since one of the main purposes of the sleepover was the Christmas gift exchange, a tradition we started two years ago, though it wasn't until last year when we made it a sleepover gift exchanging). I got a beautiful blue heart necklace and a pocket dictionary (as a backup for the one my wonderful boyfriend got me) from Diana, don't even get me started on the extremely long Christmas card from her, too. A cute handmade beanie hat, blue bouncy ball, and a blue bandanna from Yasmin. An awesome mini-scrapbook and a small package of lotion from Revathi, along with a heart-felt Christmas card. Heh, I totally failed, getting them all a necklace (except Yasmin, she got a bracelet). Anyhow, we just looked at our things before going to eat pizza for dinner. Randomly, when we were almost done eating, Revathi and Yasmin's brother, Leo, started to have this Nerf gun war. It was hilarious, and I randomly got shot, so I started to sing some of the lyrics to "Sink or Swim". To be exact, the beginning of the song: "Caught in the middle of a crossfire . . ." Anyhow, so the Yasmin sort of joined in, and I was texting people from Yasmin's cell phone to report how things were going with the war. Eventually, Diana and Revathi got sick of me texting all the time, especially since Yasmin suddenly decided to sit next to me, watching me text. Revathi and Diana then decided to drag Yasmin away into the other room. Apparently, Yasmin kind of threw herself onto the couch and got a nosebleed. It was weird. She was seriously like in a sort of hysterics, running around like crazy when she said stuff on how it hurt and that she felt faint. Or actually, as Diana put it, "acting as if she found out she had cancer, but refuses to sit down." Finally, Yasmin calmed down, and everyone settled down a bit. At some point, Yasmin ran upstairs but didn't come back down for a while, so I went up to her room to check up on her. I found her sitting on the little couch underneath her elevated bed, texting. The conversation went a bit like this:
Me: What the, what are you doing.
Yasmin: -continues texting-
Me: -shivers slightly- Aren't you cold?
Yasmin: -continues texting-
Me: Fine, I see how it is. You don't like us, eh?
Yasmin: I. Don't. Need. Friends. I. Have. FELIX. (the person she was texting)
That was like the best quote ever from her. Seriously, the way she said it was seriously just hilarious. Then, after several complaints, we played Indian Poker. For those of you who don't know, it's a game where everyone gets a single card, and you have to take it, put it on your forehead. You can look at everyone else's card except your own. But you have to evaluate if you want to trade your card with someone else's. Then once everyone is done, you put your card face up, and whoever has the highest card wins and they have to give a Truth or Dare to the person with the lowest card. For some reason, the first two "Truth" questions were about my boyfriend. And the first question wasn't even directed towards me! My friends are crazy . . . not like I just realized that now.
"He's hot then he's cold. He's into-Jenny-then-he's-not." --Yasmin, a parody of "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry.
Anyhow, I just had to record that. So after a few rounds, we started to play Spoons, but before that, Diana tried to explain to Revathi and Yasmin as to how to play the game, but before Diana was even done, Revathi said, "Wait, I'm not even listening, tell me again." So Diana did, but Revathi wasn't listening again! This went on for who knows how long. Anyhow, finally, we went onto the game, and Revathi was confused for a while, which is where Diana and I ganged up on her saying, "That's what you get for not listening!" We stopped with our crazy card games after a while when Yasmin told us that her parents were going to sleep, so we had to go back downstairs. We just messed around a bit, and then I stole Yasmin's computer to go on Facebook. I was kind of just lying around like a dead person until Diana randomly wanted to eat the leftover pizza, so I decided to eat one too. I still had half a cold pizza slice left when I heard my cell phone ring. I jumped up out of the chair I was sitting in and ran to my cell phone. I picked up expectantly, and said "hi" in this foreign, sweet voice that I somewhat disgusted myself with. Anyhow, I chatted with my boyfriend for a while before he had to leave. Then I stole Yasmin's computer again to blog, which is where I typed about what was happening currently, and onto what I'm typing now. Yeah. Good times, good times. Since I "briefly" talked about my day, time for me to join the rest of them as they play Guitar Hero.

-looks around-

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: eating Little Ceasars pizza
Listening to: Sorry Sorry --Super Junior

Lost my train of thought.

By the way, my previous post was a mixture of the actual anime and my own little flairs. Basically saying, I used pretty much the same plot and basic events but changed it up a bit with my own ideas.

Now . . . what was I going to write earlier . . . ?

Silent Plight

Mood: happy; thoughtful
Currently: watching a short, sad, romance anime series
Listening to: Byousoku 5 Centimeters Episode 3 (more accurately, I'm watching it); the pattering, and occasionally, pouring rain

"a chain of short stories about their distance" it says at the end of the third episode, the last one.

The clouds moved across the sky with rapid speed, and as I stared at the floor, it turned from light to dark to light. The air stirred a bit, making the loose glass pane of the window shudder. I stood up and exited the old shed. I already knew he wouldn't come today, nor would he come tomorrow. I leaned against the wall next to the door and stared at the sky as the clouds rushed by, turning the world from light to dark to light. I also know that it was just yesterday that he moved, and yet it feels like it's been several weeks since then. It just seems so far away. The nonexistent days between yesterday and today are simply blurry and gray.

Today, in the mail I received his letter. It was full of him and for a moment it felt like he was behind me right now, though there was no way he could be here. I eagerly started a letter in return. I had so many things I wanted to tell him, to share. There was simply too many things to write down, but I wrote them all down, all along with my feelings.

Today I went to visit him, in Europe, a trip that was longer than my stay. We spent all day together, talking about all of the things we've always wanted to share. Night was falling, and I had to leave for the airport already. We stopped by the Eiffel Tower and simply stared at each other. Too aware of the time. Quietly, we kissed. I knew that we wouldn't be together. Yet those kinds of worries were drowned out for the moment because time seemed to pause then.

For the past two years, it's been constant letters and text messages. Those were the strands of our relationship. However, even with the hundreds of messages we sent one another, the distance between our hearts never decreased. Eventually, there was more and more homework, harder exams, and more demands from my everyday life. Slowly, it's become increasingly troublesome to continuously write him letters. As though faced with the same problem, I no longer receive anything in my mailbox every three days. Everyday started to grow more quiet and dull.

We were going out for three years before things ended. Yet I still love him. Every other guy who passed by me, I looked at them and smiled friendly. But in honesty, I was looking much farther beyond them, staring at what I could not reach, what I'd never be able to touch. Blundering each time I had a chance to tell him how I felt, I never took them, and so today became today. Everyday became blurry and gray.

Today I had a dream, a dream from long ago. Back to when we were young, when we stopped by the Eiffel Tower and the world seemed to have waited a moment for us. At that time we made promises we knew we could never keep. Despite it all, I still love him, even as he grew older and got engaged. I straggle on, fighting everything, though I lost my will to work and I stopped looking forward to the next day.

Today I walked down the road that headed towards the shed where I used to always meet up with him in. However, when I reached it, it was no longer there. Only grass filled the void, with bald patches of soil were revealed here and there. I crossed the train tracks, passing by a man as a did. I had a strong feeling, all of the sudden, if I turned around, he would too. From the opposite side of the tracks from where I originally was, I turned around slowly, as the yellow and black stripped bar lowered and the signal flashed, warning me of the upcoming train. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he was slowly turning towards me too. Before I could even clearly see his face, the train rushed by, throwing up the dead leaves into the air. I stood there staring at the train run past by, staring as I would have if the train never came. When the train finally passed, the spot that I was staring at was empty. The road further past that spot, the one I treaded on a moment ago, was empty. I was disappointed, and yet I smiled just a bit.

I took two steps backwards before turning around and continued walking down the fall crusted road.

Short Cut

Mood: happy; thoughtful
Currently: amused by Hee Soo's comment
Listening to: Reset --Super Junior

Since Hee Soo wants an abridged version of my last post. Here's what happened without all of the embarrassing mush of me and my boyfriend: I went to the library to meet up with my boyfriend.

Bliss Candy

Mood: happy; just so f---ing happy; d--- it, I'm happy; so happy, I sometimes don't want to admit it; embarrassed
Currently: off in a dazed wonderland
Listening to: Hizou --Kagrra,

Well, it's sufficient to say that I'm very happy right now.

Warning: If you don't want to read me mush about my boyfriend, I suggest you close the window, now!

Well, I've been looking forward to Sunday for quite a bit. The reason being is obviously because of my boyfriend. So I went to the library to work on a history project, or so that was my cover story. In reality, this was my chance to meet up with my boyfriend outside of school, so naturally, I went there in bliss. I was there earlier than my boyfriend, since he had class, so I pretty much I found a quiet place outside of the library to put my stuff (without feeling anxious that someone will steal it), and just wandered around, getting confused how I ended up at the same place over and over again, until he arrived. We pretty much just sat around and talked for perhaps an hour or so. As a side note, I kept staring at him (because I need to focus my gaze onto something) and my boyfriend kept calling it cute! Biased much? Most people who catch me staring at them get really freaked out and swear it looked like I was on the verge of killing them. I'll maybe never understand either of these comments. However, he was there with a cover story as well, that he was going to borrow books. But before leaving to go into the library, we hugged each other for a long time. How long? I've no idea, my judgment of how much time passes totally fails unless I have a clock or something. But anyhow, these long hugs are just like little blossoms of bliss to me. Did you know there's a Hershey candy called Bliss? Anyhow, since I'm a dork, time to describe the hug!

Warning: If you seriously don't want to read me mush about my boyfriend, I suggest you close the window, now!

This is actually the second time I've hugged my boyfriend for an elongated period of time, but the first time, I pretty much blanked out from happiness and remembered little besides that I was on top-of-the-world happy. But since I was more conscious this time, those of you who are too curious to stop reading shall suffer through my embarrassing story. Ahaha. Well, first, we embraced, and since he's taller than me, his shoulder happens to be right there, so I leaned my head against his shoulder pretty much the entire time. Ah, yes, the benefits of being shorter than the person you love. Anyhow, he tightened his grip around my shoulders, pulling me slightly closer to him, and, just to try it out, I did the same. However, my arms were around his waist, so when I squeezed, it made him squirm, being the slightly ticklish person he is. Although I couldn't see his reaction, but his movements, I just had a feeling it was very endearing. As another side note, I've noticed that my boyfriend smells really nice (like what? I haven't a clue, but for some reason, I want to describe it as "sunshine", but what the heck does sunshine smell?). Don't judge me, my face was in his shoulder, okay? I had to breathe, you know. After a while, my heart started to pound really hard, probably because the realization that I was hugging my boyfriend, and for a lengthy time as well, finally seeped into my brain, causing my heart to go haywire. Since my heart was practically hammering inside of me, my chest started to hurt, and as the idiot I am, I told my boyfriend this. Since he was tightening his hold around me now and then, he assumed that it was his fault, therefore, letting go. However, I didn't realize what he thought I meant until much later, but at the moment, I selfishly keep hugging him. Noticing that I refused to let go, my boyfriend proceeded to continue hugging me. As I said, my heart was going bonkers, my chest felt tight, and so I suddenly felt short on air, starting to hyperventilate a little. Like pretty much everything I do, I started to worry my boyfriend once again because he though he did something to me. I didn't respond, focusing only on steady breaths. Finally, and reluctantly, I slowly started to pull away from the hug. I declared that we should finally get a move on to the library, or else his parents might get upset (suspicious?) that he took so long to pick out books and walk him. On the brief walk to the library, and even as we walked around the library, my boyfriend showed constant concern that he was hurting me, not believing me when I said I was fine. Granted, it didn't help that I kept my hand where my chest plate was and occasionally took deeper breaths than the other. At any rate, as my boyfriend checked out his books, I just stared at the books that you could buy from the store there. Then suddenly, my boyfriend attack-hugged me from behind, causing me to practically jump in my sandals, and have a heart attack. I'm seriously going to have heart issues because of this guy. Not that I mind. Anyhow, we walked out of the library, me being embarrassed the entire way out. Then I walked my boyfriend to the traffic light, since he had to head home already. However, before he crossed the street, he gave me another quick hug and ran off. If my face pigments could change that way, I swear, my face would have blushed. My eyes happened to lay on this one car that was waiting for a light, and the man in the driver's seat was staring at me. I laughed embarrassed to myself and speedily walked back to the library. Instead of calling my parents, I felt comfort in calling my boyfriend instead. I talked to him pretty much for his entire walk home. When he reached the front of his house, he advised me to call my parents and go home as well. Since I found it'd be more beneficial to go home and talk to him online, I agreed and hanged up to call my parents.

Anyhow, the rest of my day wasn't that significant, though I did have an interestingly embarrassing conversation with my boyfriend online. That, however, I will diffidently won't talk about on here.

Needy Families and Cookies

Mood: happy; satisfied
Currently: sore
Listening to: Aymafurasetanmaina --Kagrra,

Why's it that ever volunteering event I've been to involves the lifting of heavy boxes and manual labor? Ahaha. So today for Octagon, I went to volunteer for this Needy Family Project that was going on. Well, first things first, the event was taking place in Town Center, where Old Linens and the Halloween Store used to be, which is right next to Borders. I got out of the car at about 9:05 and stared at the abandoned building with uncertainty. I approached the the glass door and it said "Optimists, pull door open." I assumed it applied to me, since Octagon is a branch under the international Optimist Club. I pulled the door open, and was surprised how it opened, since normally it opens for me, and well, yeah, I just thought it was interesting. I looked back to let my dad know that I figured out where the heck I was supposed to go, when I saw Theo (in case you don't know, he's the Octagon President) get out of his car. I waved hi in relief that there was someone who knew what to do better than I. So we entered the abandoned building together over to the back, where there was a group of adults and several tables brimming with boxes and bags of items. After shaking a few hands and introductions, Theo and I were immediately put to work (apparently we were the only two that signed up for the event). The time past by really quickly, actually, just like the Soup Kitchen. Anyhow, since I'm supposed to write an article about this event for the school newspaper, I brought paper and a pencil so I can quickly interview the people there, except Theo unintentionally asked several interest questions that I wouldn't have thought of. He'd make a good news writer. I can tell. Too bad he's a senior, we're going to be really short on staff next year, since most of our members right now are seniors. We're doomed next year! Especially since it's our advisor's last year, and according to the city mayor (Yes, he was there, too. I felt dazzled in his presence. I have never met anyone of huge importance besides the high school principal), they have yet to find a replacement for her. To explain why in the world the mayor was telling me this, interestingly enough, since I was wearing my Octagon shirt that also proudly stated which high school I was from, the mayor asked me if I knew Mrs. Beach. As the newspaper advisor, naturally I would know her. Enthusiastically, I told him this, and he found it interesting how I was in journalism. He gave me his card, telling me to give it to Mrs. Beach for him if she doesn't already have one. I stare at his card now, still a bit amazed that I was able to talk to him. Anyhow, we finished delivering boxes into trucks (where Optimist members drove to this faraway neighborhood to deliver the packages to needy families), we cleaned up the building a bit. When it was around 11:40 Theo and I went to Borders, stared at the books in the front of the store and went upstairs to the cafe. I pried for some quotes from Theo, since surely, my page editor would demand some quotes from the Octagon Club President. Around 11:50 Theo's mother called his cell phone and he left to go home. I sat there for a while, jotting down a few notes before calling my own mother. She said she would be there in about ten minutes (as to why, I haven't a clue). That gave me just enough time for my little side mission. I went back downstairs and out the store, heading to Bath and Body Works. Why? To buy a stuffed animal. If you guys haven't been there recently, there's these moose and polar bear mascots for Bath and Body works this season, and they're rather adorable. I saw them last time with my sister when I was scouting for presents in the mall. My sister actually wanted to buy one, but I was already getting one for a friend of mine, so she didn't get one, too. Well, I took that thought into consideration, that and the fact she was playing with the one we bought a few days ago, and decided to buy one for her. I bought the doll along with two pocket antibacterial hand gel (since you get the doll half off with another purchase at regular price, but I got two, since I love pocket antibacterial hand gel, simply because I can put it in my pocket). I would have gotten five antibacterial hand gels (five for five dollars deal, but buying them separately, it's a dollar fifty) but I only had ten dollars on me, so I wouldn't have been able to pay for tax. Well, anyhow, I stood outside the store like a hobo until my parents picked me up. Once home, I started to make pizza for lunch. I ate while chatting with some people online, wasted time on Facebook, and watched anime while playing free cell. I'd say, "break is truly divine," but truthfully, I almost do this everyday. I really need to fix my habits. At two, I had art class, as always, failed at painting, came home and took a nice three hour naps. Dude, my sister and my mom baked cookies without me, not only that, they didn't wake me up when they finished, I felt insulted. Ahaha, not really, but you know what I mean. Nothing beats fresh baked cookies after all! Anyhow, basically I just wasted the rest of my day and talking to people on AIM. Though I did have a very interesting, as well as hilarious, phone call with Yasmin for maybe an hour and a half before admitting I had to go to the bathroom. Since I was going to the bathroom, I showered while I was at it. Chatted on AIM some more. And yeah. A slightly eventful day, today was. Heh, though I'm really just looking forward to tomorrow. The reason why shall be revealed later . . .

Pa-Pa-Paranoia

Mood: happy; paranoid(?)
Currently: suddenly bewildered by a chill
Listening to: silence (minus the static of the speakers, humming of the computer, the ticking of the clock, and the tapping keys as I type)

I felt a very disturbing chill after telling my friends "bye" on AIM. For a very strange, yet unknown, reason, I felt like it was the last one we'd exchange. It was like something was going to happen. What? I do not know. I don't particularly believe in magic, supernatural abilities, or a sixth sense, and thus, I'll just tell myself that I'm simply paranoid. Sad thing is that when you're paranoid, everything looks like it's out to get you and that anything can go wrong.

"The horror of communication is the fear of the end of it." --JJS

The Days of the- What?

Mood: happy; baffled
Currently: feeling like a huge rush of information just flushed past and down my mind
Listening to: Uzu --Kagrra,

"If I can't make him my boyfriend, I'll be his best friend, that way he's still my BF."
Who did I hear this from? I just thought of it randomly, and I wondered to myself, where did I even get that from? Was it on someone's blog? Did someone tell me that at school? Though AIM? My head feels heavy, yet light at the same time. I don't really get it . . . Well, this is what I get for trying to cram four people's lives from the last month or two into my head in one sitting. I should really get into a better habit of reading blogs on a daily, or at least weekly basis. Anyhow, perhaps I should just go to bed already, I need to wake up tomorrow morning to go volunteering for Octagon anyways (though I still need to prep my information format for Journalism and clear out my camera, since I'm writing an article about this particular event). Well, until we meet again.

Elsewhere and Here

Mood: happy; happy; neutral
Currently: unsure whether I should be glad it's winter break
Listening to: Big Girls Don't Cry --Fergie

So it's finally winter break. Should I be happy? Certainly I don't have to wake up when the sun still asleep and have to go to zero period. But on the downside, I can't see my boyfriend and I can't hang out with all my friends. Well, I'm sure the two weeks will fly by quickly.
Let me talk about my day today. Zero period was pretty nice. Our teacher was out the entire week because his wife just had a baby, and so we had a substitute. Today's substitute (like the others) was nice, and she seemed pretty interesting. Yasmin was all staring at my painting for my Journalism teacher, and then the substitute walked by and said that it looked pretty good, also adding she taught art for 22 years. Then she jokingly said how substitutes never get presents. Later, she was organizing Christmas cards, then told the class if they had a teacher they wanted to give a card to, they could take some. I took the opportunity to be lame, took a card, wrote the card to her, and then Yasmin and I signed it. The substitute seemed pleased with it, joking how she got a "gift". P.E. was okay, I'm really bad a soccer, the only thing I'm good at is standing right people's faces when they have the ball, giving them a hard time to find a chance to shoot the ball at the goal. Then English came around, where we got to work with a partner to do these worksheets that had to relate with the next novel we're going to read, Bless Me Ultima. I got to work with my boyfriend! Just saying. Anyhow, then in Journalism, we seriously had a feast going on in there. A feast with pizza rolls! It was awesome, I love pizza rolls. Anyhow, we also proceeded with Secret Santa, where the person goes up to get their gift, read off the 3 clues we were supposed to give about ourselves, then that person would have to guess who their Secret Santa is. My Secret Santa was absent though, but a friend of her's told me that she dropped it off at my house. Then everyone was like, "What the, how does she know where you live? Stalker!" It was pretty hilarious. (I came home and found a small package with a huge card on it. I opened the card and "Frosty the Snowman" started to play. Heh, I haven't heard that song in a long time. It brings back good memories. Anyhow, I read the clues and I was like, "Dude, I would have never had guessed it was Wendy if Maryam didn't tell me," then chuckled to myself. I opened the present she gave me, since I was so curious, and I got a book called Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. When I reached only the third page, I was enchanted by the story. In the card, Wendy mentioned how it was one of the few books that impressed her and that sharing the book is like sharing a piece of heaven. Although I haven't finished reading the book, I feel like I'd have to say I agree. Maybe I should buy the book for you guys for your birthdays! Ahaha, who knows.) I stole a bunch of leftover cheesecakes to pass out to my friends, then I went on a frantic search for Michelle to give her her Christmas gift and give her the last cheesecake. I epically failed and ended up giving the cheesecake to Susan, who I happened to see walk by. It was my mini-present to her. Anyhow, math was absolute chaos. We had to correct our openers, which I totally failed. I hardly got over 50% on half of them. I had so many mistakes, I didn't finish correcting before our quiz on graphing trigonometric functions. Despite the fact that I was the last one to finish, I feel like I did relatively well. Then again, I thought the same for my openers, which had basically the same questions as the ones on the quiz. I'm concerned about my grade in math. Oh yeah, my teacher didn't even collect out math homework, the one I spazzed over almost all day to finish. In the end, I never finished it, so it's all good for me, I suppose. Anyhow, moving onto fifth period, wait, before that, passing period to fifth period, my boyfriend totally appeared out of nowhere. Apparently he made a detour to P.E. so he could say hi to me, ahaha, he's so sweet. Well, after reluctantly having to go to History class, we just ate whatever we had on us--I ate my lunch--while we watching the movie Les Miserables (which is supposed to take place a few years after the French Revolution). It was interesting, makes me want to read the book, though I probably won't, due to my sad attention span for long books. Then lunch came round and I spent it mainly doing my Spanish homework, as always. Finally it was sixth period Spanish, which Yasmin was kind enough to stay in, since she doesn't have a sixth period. Spanish was pretty darn fun. We walked around, going to classes, since Christmas carols in Spanish. It was fun mostly because Yasmin was there to be crazy and talk to me, though. After school, Diana, Hee Soo, Revathi, Yasmin, and I went to Heritage to hang out. Though, half the time, Yasmin and I were walking, running, climbing, and rolling around, it was hilarious fun. But then this one moment, we heard the ice cream truck song, and Diana, Yasmin, and I all chased after it. It was super fun. Not to mention the ice cream was delicious, I haven't had a chocolate sundae crunch in ages! Anyhow, besides that, Yasmin and I both had to use the bathroom, but it was locked! Then Yasmin suddenly realized there was this other bathroom, and I was like, "You had to mention this only now?!" And yeah, then I had to go home. Regardless, good times, good times.

h to the a to the p to the p to the y

Mood: happy; f--- forget "happy", there are no words to describe how blissed I feel!
Currently: just so freakin' happy
Listening to: Sakebi --Kagrra,

Nothing special happened today. Well, to quite a few people, nothing special happened today. Yet to me it was special, and it was beautiful. Maybe I'll draw a picture on how I feel. Then I'll post a poem with it later. Yeah . . . that'd be nice . . .

Snowy Mountains

Mood: happy; f---, forget "happy" I'm on top of the world right now
Currently: feeling really hyper even though I only slept for two hours yesterday night (this morning)
Listening to: Love is War --Miku Hatsune

Today's a beautiful day. Why's that? I have a very loving boyfriend who I love very much and I'm grateful for everything in the world that he loves me too. We occasionally hugged each other quickly around school, since we weren't trying to flash that fact that we are together (why? too long to explain). However, that reason has been blown off the roof, and I can openly hug him now. Ah, it was so nice to just give him a big hug. It just totally made my day. Yes, indeedly-do. My day was pretty average, nothing special or exciting happened today. Except that hug. Now I feel a tad poetic, and you know what that means!

Summit of the Heights

Snowing like it was a waterfall,
Blurry vision caused me to stumble,
And my limbs were growing numb.

Trudging forward was all I could do,
Yet I could fall backwards and roll,
But then I saw the light glowing.

It's like I'm on top of the world
As though nothing can drag me down,
This sight is mine to see,
A view I want to share with you.

On the top of the world.
What is this sensation,
I feel so hot,
I'm burning up,
But the blizzard swirling around
Is so bitterly cold.
Hold my hand.

In the snow and the cold,
Somehow the warmth of the sun
Seems to reach me from such a distance.

I feel a chill down my spine,
And I feel it's like I'm enveloped
In warmth and light.

It's like I'm on top of the world
As though nothing can drag me down,
This sight is mine to see,
A view I want to share with you.

On the top of the world.
What is this sensation,
I feel so hot,
I'm burning up,
But the blizzard swirling around
Is so bitterly cold.
Hold my hand.

-deskhead-

Mood: happy; unhappy
Currently: doing homework
Listening to: Sink or Swim --Tyrone Wells

It's funny how I almost never record the pleasant days of my life, but I get so talkative when I'm upset. This must be part of being a Pisces, always looking for pity, as the horoscope said. Anyhow, a brief list of my fails this month.
-I now have two 'A's and 5 'B's. I'm extremely disturbed. My Chemistry grade just loves to tease me. An 'A' in P.E., which is a given. My English grade plummeted down quite a bit after the Lord of the Flies essay. I dropped to a 'B' in Journalism. Pre-Calculus is slowly but surely falling down the stairs in slow motion. World History CP is really easy, an 'A', thank god. Span- Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
-I lost maybe my fourth pencil since the school year started, you'd think I learned to stop putting them in my pockets by now, huh?
-I want to go to this one volunteering event over the weekend, but I not only have class, but I can't even help myself, how can I help others?
-I'm enthusiastic to do English homework because the quickwrite is about realities of life we have to face and I've so much to write.
-I've snapped at my parents for the millionth time this week. It's Wednesday.
-My monthly started yesterday, and I'm really not a very happy person right now after all that's happened.
-When I have that huge adrenaline surge when I'm really frustrated, instead of leaning forward to bang my head against the table, I want to bring up my desk and smack my head that way. No, I can't lift my desk.

'F' is for Fail

Mood: happy; disbelief, just utter disbelief
Currently: in absolute shock
Listening to: Sink or Swim --Tryone Wells

I never thought of myself as smart. I strictly think of myself as a average student, but even I have those times where I feel like I'm a moron. This is one of those times.
I also never believed I would ever get a perfect score on a test. An 80-90% range is fine for me, it was something achievable and at hand. But not only that, I also never believed I would actually go and fail a test. I had a decent day. I was a bit tired, though random exciting events kept me going through the day. I got an email from Edline when I got home, telling me that I got a student report update for Spanish. I ignored it, telling myself I'll look later when I got the extra credit from the site later. Oh, how I was so ignorant then, not knowing just how much I would need it. I went through the day quietly, doing a small chunk of homework, and then went off lazing off. When I went to eat dinner, I heard strange news. First, my father, who moniters Edline like a hawk, told me I got a 0 on a poster because I didn't turn it in, which confused me completely. What poster? How did I not turn it in? I thought back and felt like I knew what he was talking about, but I did turn it in. It was a very confusing moment, but I told my parents I'll talk to my teacher about it. Then my dad continued to say that I had a problem with tests. I gave him, once again, another confused look. Could he be any more vague? He told me that I failed my most recent test and I couldn't help but to be shocked. Failed? This isn't even a "Oh, I got a 'B', I totally failed that test," kind of fail. I got a 57.76%. An 'F'. I felt like crying, but I knew that'd just make my parents think I was a bigger idiot than I was. It really doesn't help with that they have to say, "If only you got 'A's on your other tests, it wouldn't be as big of a deal. Joy always got her work done and mostly got 'A's on her tests, so when she got a 'C' that one time, she still had a good grade." Just shut up. Just freakin' shut up. Do you think I really want to be on a borderline 'C'? Do you honestly think I'm trying to get these grades just to tick you off? Do you seriously think telling me this for the millionth time is going to help me, when I can already repeat every word you said and say by heart? I know your lectures better than you do because you say the same thing over and over. I even finish your sentences when you suddenly become inept at the English language. I freakin' I repeat your words to myself whenever I'm trying to fall asleep at night because they're just so haunting. God, now I remember how much I hate going to bed every night. I just don't even want to deal with Spanish now. I feel just too annoyed at it, even though it's probably my fault for being half asleep while taking the test and not spending extra time looking through my stuff. But I really just don't want to do it. My head's spinning just typing this.

Look Away

Mood: happy; in a sing-song mood
Currently: thinking about how I should stop eavesdropping
Listening to: Sink or Swim --Tyrone Wells

This is a song (I guess) that I made up randomly in journalism as I listened to these girls talk about the other person's boyfriend. Mainly they were complaining about his complaining, and yeah, not too much of the lyrical poem (?) were about them, but this idea came because of them. Yeah. Just a whole lot of repetition. Ahaha.

What Am I Supposed to Think?

You sat two seats
To the right from me,
And sometimes as I turned the page of my book,
I would glance up and see you.

I looked at you,
You looked at me,
I looked away,
You looked away,
I looked back at you,
You looked back at me,
And neither of us turned away.
What am I supposed to think now?

The next day you said hi to me
So I said hi back to you.
We talked about nothing
Yet it felt like we shared everything.
What is this feeling now?

The next week you told me
You loved me.
I couldn't help but to be happy.
I looked at you,
You looked at me,
And we smiled.

The next month you said hi to me
And I said hi to you.
We talked about everything
Yet it felt like we shared nothing.
What is this feeling now?

I looked at you,
You looked at me,
And you looked away.
What am I supposed to think now?

Huggables

Mood: happy; missing someone
Currently: being an insomniac
Listening to: Sink or Swim --Tyrone Wells

Sink or Swim is a great song, I recommend it, though it was first recommended to me by Michelle. Anyhow, as another personal note, I think it's a nice song to sing to.
I'm currently just sitting around here, wondering if I regret taking that two hour nap in the afternoon which caused me to sit here at my desk doing nothing. If anything, I could do math, though I feel like I can just do it during the hour wait for first period to start after zero, and if I don't finish it even then, I have journalism, another rough hour or so. All in all, I don't really want to do it. Why? I'm not in a mood to do math. I'm in a writing mood, and thus I'm here. I should be working on my story, but every time I do, I write a line and then get distracted. I haven't been able to focus on my story very well lately, though I think I don't have it in me to write very much from where I am. I've pretty much done a resketch of the entire story, though the main plot and theme doesn't change. Pretty much, you could say it's like a country that has just started, like when the American colonies broke away from Europe, and things are going slowly right now. Place on a few more bricks before a stronger foundation is formed. For that to happen, one needs time, and unfortunately for me, I measure this time by how many days I idle past my story, rather than how long I take to work on it. I wonder if this makes me an irresponsible author-in-progress. Probably.
Let's see, the main topic for the day is based on my friend's AIM status: "...I suddenly really want a hug...wtf." I would have IMed her this, but as a college student, she's probably busying herself with her own things. Regardless, what I would have said would have probably been along the lines of, "Ahaha, I get that feeling all the time!" Which I seriously do, it's kind of weird and uncomforting. It's like when you are about to sneeze, then you suddenly lost it, then you feel like you really want to sneeze, but can't anymore, so you feel slightly uncomfortable afterwards. It's like that except you don't lose the hug, which I don't even know how one would do that. But sometimes I just randomly want a hug. Which, on the downside for me, is kind of hard to get. Why? It's pretty awkward since I don't hug people normally, so I tend to tense up a little at the physical contact. There's only those few people who I hug or can hug me without me thinking, "agh, this is seems kind of weird . . ." That makes out to be three people, really. Another reason is that quite a few of my friends don't really want to be hugged, and therefore, I don't. One way or another, I don't ever seem to be able to satisfy my random wishes. And thus, after reading my friend's status, I thought, "The desire for hugs bite at you more than hunger at your stomach sometimes."
That's pretty much all I wanted to say. If you found my rant incoherent, I don't blame you. I'm not really thinking clearly anymore.

Sweet Boredom

Mood: happy; bored
Currently: procrastinating on homework
Listening to: Tabi no Tochuu --Kiyoura Natsumi

Meaning behind my poem (read my poem first, please):
Basically I'm talking about love, go figure, right? Anyhow, the first stanza was basically playing things out. The confectioneries are obviously the Turkish Delights, representing love and all that jazz. Then the wooden platter thing was supposed to represent life at whole, it's kinda normal, boring, dull, nothing too amazing, but it's not like it's all that bad, right? Then there's that pile of candy on top that you're just like, oh my. I proceed to say how love is innocent like white powdered sugar, but there's more than meets the eyes, there is a deeper meaning to it than just what it seems. No matter how overwhelmingly sweet it is, even if it tastes almost bitter, we are still mystified by it, we yearn for it, and in the end, want to taste more.
Second stanza is mainly more descriptions on Turkish Delights. Metaphorically, I'm saying that love seems easy to figure out at first, because you think you know exactly what love is based on how you feel. Then after you get caught up with it, you start to realize things are much more complicated than what you originally thought. Happiness and suffering walks hand-in-hand on this path, yet we still want to keep walking because it's simply something we desire.
The next stanza is more about pain (jeez, masochist of me much?). Love gives a person many beautiful and wonderful emotions that blossoms into a need for more. We want more, when we have more than enough, but complain even then for those sweet moments. The whole ice water thing is a personal experience. I'm happy, yet occasionally, I feel a chill. I have goosebumps on my arms, yet my heart feels warm. I can't help but to shiver at the cold but smile at it because, in the end, I'm still happy.
The last stanza I repeat the beginning of my poem, the meaning behind those words remain the same. I rephrase the overall things I pointed out in my poem, how love is both wonderful, yet it isn't. The "Devil's Turkish Delights" is just saying that Turkish Delight, love, is delicious, but you're eating it off the Devil's plate. In more simpler words, love has it's ups and downs.

"A fool once said, 'If happiness can only be received through pain, then I desire none.' And the fool was left with nothing but despair." --JJS

Bittersweet Indeed

Mood: happy; neutral; awake
Currently: feeling insomniac
Listening to: Bad Girl --BEAST/B2ST

Devil's Turkish Delights

Confectionery arranged
On an old, wooden platter.
Under the powdered sugar
Lays a pale pink center.
Take one and bite down,
Let your teeth sink in.
The absolute sweetness
Is so strong,
It could be bitter.
Yet a hand stretches out again
To take another treat.

It's so soft,
Yet it's sticky.
I bite down smoothly,
But it's hard
To move my teeth apart.
It's like I'm trapped in a vice.
Conviction that seemed
Worth all the pain.

We take too much
And think it's not enough,
There is no limit
To this gluttony.
The sharp sweet taste
Runs ice water down my heart,
But after a shudder,
A smile appears on my face.

Confectionery arranged
On an old, wooden platter.
So sweet, so bitter,
This overwhelming power,
This is truly the Devil's Turkish Delights.