Some Miracles are Harder to Believe than Others

Mood: happy; feeling like something huge and heavy was lifted from my shoulders
Currently: relieved
Listening to: Incomplete --The Last Goodnight

You know how I'm in journalism? And you now have I have to sell ads to get a better grade and stuff? Okay, so everyone was sent on a mission to sell ads to tuxedo and flower places since prom is right around the corner. I actually stole mine from a friend who said she could always sell ads to her family's restaurant. Norwalk Tuxedo. Because I'm dumb and irresponsible, I had my mom drive me all the way over there to talk to them, but it's pretty far away, and also, the person who I needed to talk to wasn't even there. So the person at the cash register told me to call Monday or something, and the person would be there. Since I didn't particularly notice any business cards lying around, I left. Granted, my mom was pretty ticked since not only I didn't accomplish much, we also got lost on the way there, so we wasted a bunch of time (and gas). I came back home, looked up their number online, and thought it was all good, right?
Monday came, and I have always hated calling people and such, so I was a tad nervous. I finally took a deep breath and dialed. The line was busy. Don't you hate when that happens? I was so frustrated. Anyhow, I waited a little, called again and again, until finally it started to ring. Then suddenly it says, "This phone is disconnected or no longer in service." So I was like what the heck? I kept calling again and again though, out of hopeless determination and hope. Then I finally gave up and decided to think of something later on, I had a bunch of other stuff that I had to do. However, today, my mom was being persistent about it and pulled out the Yellowbook, which also got my sister involved. My sister found another number somehow under another Norwalk Tuxedo place, so I decided to call and try my luck. Bingo.
It wasn't the same business, though. According to the guy I was talking to, Brandon, the store I went to closed, which confused me greatly. I was there just a few days ago, and now they're closed? It was inconceivable. (Though my sister made a good point saying, "Well yeah, even if they aren't closed, they're competitors. What would they do, say, 'Oh yeah, here's their number, go advertise their business.'") But earlier in the conversation I said something about asking if the business wanted to buy an ad, so Brandon was like, "So what are you selling an ad for again? The newspaper?" Then I continued to explain how I was selling ads for my school's newspaper since prom was coming around. When he heard that he offered to buy the ad instead! Talk about convenient luck, huh? I told him about the deadlines and the prices and such, and he wanted to buy $70 worth of ads. And by the way, I'm required to sell $50 by the end of the semester, so I'm pretty much celebrating right now--I hate going out and trying to persuade businesses to buy ads because I'm trying to asking people to spend money on an advertisement that honestly, not too many people even look at. Regardless, if all goes well, I will be able to increase my grade slightly, which makes me want to cheer because I have a 'C' in journalism, which is pretty darn sad . . .

The Spirit of Alice Lives Forever

Mood: happy; sad-ish
Currently: still hyper
Listening to: Heartbeat --2PM [ x ] (Hee Soo. I still. love the dance. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT. [Hairspray] Appropriate for this song and moment, no?)

Don't you guys hate leaving a really festive place and life seems so quiet and lonely? That's why I don't ever have a birthday party anymore. I mean, yeah, I want to have fun with my friends on the day I was born, but then when everyone is gone, I feel so depressed, replaying every moment of the party in my head over and over. Even though my ears hurt every time someone screamed, but it was still lively and stuff, you know? I'd rather hang out with my crazy friends, slowly growing deaf then live in my boring house. I can never share my excitement with anyone in this house, I swear. My parents are way too into their Korean dramas (with Chinese subtitles). My sister is almost never home, and even if she was, half the time, she's staring at her computer screen as I am now. Even if I try to talk to them, they usually get annoyed at me for bothering them. My room would be so quiet if I wasn't playing music. Music. It saves my life. Seriously.
On a happier note, today was so crazy. First thing first, Yasmin's birthday party. It was Alice in Wonderland themed where Alice gets murdered and we have to find the murderer. So anyhow, my parents were driving me and Michelle to Yasmin's house, and I swear, worst traffic jam I have been in for the first time in like, a year (going to school for 0 period, the road is like practically reserved for you, the only thing I'll miss about 0 period). So we were stuck there for about 10-25 minutes? It was all because the city spends too much money on road paving! Geez, they should use that money for better things. Anyhow, then we got onto the freeway, and there was traffic there too! And I was like, dude, we're 30 minutes late! Then Michelle and I were all commenting how Hee Soo, the white rabbit, was probably already there when she's supposed to be the rabbit who's like, "I'm late!" and all. Then we all looked at Michelle's gift, cheesecake that she made, and the M&M's were like bleeding. Seriously. The cream on top was probably melting a little, so the colors were all dripping and mixing together. Ahaha.
So once we finally got to Yasmin's house, we saw this jumper, and as expected, Hee Soo was already there. Then we had to go through the jumper, the "rabbit hole" (I thought that was so cute/clever, ahaha), and I was all failing because my shoes were on and everything, so I got kind of stuck after climbing this wall and before sliding down. I was all like pretending to be exhausted and stuff, so the people who already got to the party was like, "You can do it, Jenny!" I eventually got down, but I was all being dramatic, saying how that was the most dangerous thing in my life. Ahaha.
When I got off the jumper, everyone was kind of gathered around this table with a chessboard on it, and the pieces were like five times bigger than normal ones. It was so cool, I wanted to buy it off Yasmin, but I don't think she'll sell it to me. Oh well. Anyhow, so we waited for more people to come, then we finally got things rolling.
For lunch, or whatever it was, we had pizza and sushi! Strange combination, but it was good. Heh, Yasmin was eating her pizza with chopsticks, I thought that was pretty funny. Anyhow, Yasmin passed out paper stating our opinion of Alice and our alibi, telling us if we were guilty or not. At the table, there was:
Yasmin: Alice, of course.
Me: Queen of Hearts, now prostrate at my feet in fear.
Athalia: Cheshire Cat, with her cute tail.
Cathy (Yasmin's cousin): White Pawn, dude, she had that one thing around her neck, what are those called?! I want one, just for the heck of it. Ahaha.
Diana: Dormouse, her ears were so cute. They were bunny ears, but she folded them so that they were short enough to be a mouse's.
Hee Soo: White Rabbit, she stole Yasmin's hat with rabbit ears, which looked so cool.
Michelle: Ace of Hearts, my right-hand soldier! Though she sat at my left. Ahaha.
Revathi: Duchess, she stole Yasmin's skirt that Yasmin wore on Halloween as the White Rabbit.
Shruthi: March Hare, she was later than all of us!
Victor: Caterpillar, he wore all blue. Heh.
Felix: Mad Hatter, he came at the very end of the party, though!
So we all had to read the paper as to what we thought about Alice and our alibi to figure who murdered Alice. My alibi was that I was at the trial who the Stolen Tarts, my stolen tarts. Whoever stole them, it'll be OFF WITH HIS/HER HEAD! Ahaha. I loved using that line today.
When everyone read their stuff, we mainly accused the Duchess, the White Rabbit, and me. Then when Shruthi finally showed up, we started to accuse the White Rabbit and the March Hare. When we finally voted on who we thought was the murderer, it was a tie between the two rabbits. In the end, Athalia called Felix for what he voted for. In the end, Hee Soo, the White Rabbit, was accused, and executed apparently, even though she fought to defend herself until the very end. She even called Felix again to try and persuade him that she was innocent. Ahaha. Then we all announced what we did in the end (Athalia read Victor's because he had to leave early). In reality, it was March Hare, Shruthi, who murdered Alice! Dun dun duuuuun. Then Hee Soo was like, "See, I told you guys! You guys got me killed!"
Afterward we had a race on the jumper. Everyone did pretty good, but in the end, Yasmin conquered us all, getting a time of about 17 seconds or something. That was pro skills right there, and she was wearing a dress, too. I bet she practiced all day. Ahaha. I got a time of like, 23 seconds. Dude, when I tried to get through the entrance, I got like, stuck, so I tripped. Then I jumped over this hurdle thing and ran into the wall. Then I tried to climb up the wall, but I went way too slow, I slide down, crashed into the end wall, then yeah. It was crazy fun though, even though I kept failing.
We mingled on the slide for a bit, pushing each other off the slide, and crashing into each other. It was pretty dangerous, really, but still fun. We had so many, "I saw my life flashing before my eyes" moments.
Next we played I Have Never, and I think I tied with Cathy, Hee Soo, and Yasmin. I'm not too sure because everyone ran off randomly. Then I stole the Nerf Sword Diana was clinging onto all day, but eventually it got into Shruthi's hands, and she gave me this sort of funny glare/smile, so I was like, "OH MY GOSH, SHE HAS THE EYES OF A MURDERER." Ahahaha. Get it? You know, the March Hare (AKA Shruthi) was Alice's murderer. Ahaha. Yeah, okay, but it was funny during the moment!
We played on the slide more, then I asked Leo (Yasmin's brother) for the other Nerf Sword so Michelle and I could duel. I swear. Most intense thing you'll ever see. We were all like slapping the swords together to produce this loud kind of clap, and oh my goodness. Intense stuff. We switched off with other people now and then (dude, Yasmin is vicious, she goes right in for the kill, but she always runs off when someone accidentally hits her hand), but mostly it was me and Michelle. After a while, Hee Soo and Diana suggested we have war cries, so Michelle was like, "FOR NARNIAAA!!!" and I was like, "SPARTAAAA!!! (I forgot the 'for', ahaha)". It was crazy. I was sweating like crazy, oh my goodness, I'm not even joking. I haven't worked up a sweat for so long, I think Michelle and I burned off all the food we ate. I won pretty much all the round against her, except for the last round, she finally got me. Ahaha. Dude, Michelle kept hitting my thigh when we win after hitting the opponent's stomach, and I'm like, "I would have been dead five hits ago if you aimed higher!" There were lots of epic fails, like the swords missing each other, so it was like we were hacking at the air. Then in the first round, Michelle charged in for the strike, but then she slipped on one foot, and it kind of looked like she was preparing to do the splits. The last round, we were fighting, but then her grip slipped from the sword handle, and it fell onto the ground. Ahaha. Oh yeah, we even fought in those weird olden day duels (but with guns and stuff), where we are back to back, take three steps, then turn around and fight. Ahaha. I swear, I want to duel Michelle again one day. It was just crazy. Though my arms are probably going to be sore tomorrow, and I might have blisters on my feet (I took off my shoes to run around freely), but it's all good. What's life without a bit of danger, adventure, and pain?
Michelle and I were so into our sword fight, we never got to eat cake. Ahaha. It's all good though. Speaking of cake though, we gathered around Yasmin to sing happy birthday to her and stuff, and afterward, Athalia was telling Yasmin to take a bite out of the cake. After a brief chanting of, "bite it," she leaned in to do it when Athalia charged in to smash Yasmin's face into the cake. She was so close, but ended up just ruffling up Yasmin's hair because Yasmin probably saw it coming and retaliated. So close. I was waiting for it too. I had the best view too. Ahaha. Too bad though.
Hrmm, what else happened.
We played on the slide some more. Seriously, the jumper slide was crazy fun, we kept trying to push people off and grabbing someone by the ankle so we'll drag them down with us. Ahaha. This one time, Michelle, Hee Soo, Revathi, Diana, and I were all sitting at the top of the slide, singing random songs like, "Be a Man" from Mulan and "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. I kept singing out of key though, because my voice was getting hoarse from all the yelling, screaming, and battle cries. Ahaha.
Oh, and Yasmin's dad brought out their super cool telescope and we got a glance at the moon's craters. It was so beautiful. I want to learn some stuff about astronomy one day.
Before leaving, I had a chess battle against Felix. I would have won if I didn't have to leave! I'll have my rematch with him, ONE DAY. Heh, but after a while, Diana and Hee Soo kept saying something about winning in three turns, but I was seriously? Because I didn't see it, though their plan was kind of like what I had planned, but it wouldn't have worked unless it was at leave five turns, so I never really got what they were talking about. The plan didn't work in the end, so I couldn't win quickly. I had to leave the game in Hee Soo's hands before running out to Michelle's dad's car, shouting, "I'LL HAVE MY REMATCH AGAINST YOU, FELIX. ONE DAY. ONE DAAAAY. I'LL HAVE MY REVEEEEENGE." I think I disturbed the neighborhood. Ahaha, my bad, but hey, I had five cotton candies. You guys, don't get cotton candy if you aren't going to finish it! Ahaha.
Once in the car, I felt like I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. My bag. I ran out of the car, burst in through the gates saying, "FELIX, I'M BACK FOR MY REVENGE!" Then everyone was like, "what the heck?!" But I ran off to grab my back, bad a run for the car again shouting, "I'LL CHALLENGE YOU SOME OTHER DAY, FELIX, JUST YOU WAIT." Ahaha. Sorry, Yasmin, if your neighbors complain to you guys tomorrow. Ehehe.
On the way home, Michelle and I chatted a bit, going through the goodie bags we got right before leaving. Michelle opened it and was like, "Crunch! My favorite! How did Yasmin know?!" So I was like, "She's psychic, she inherited my magical powers." Ahaha. Then later, I suggested everyone wear their heart necklace thing to school, so we can all be like, "Power Rangers! Unite!" Ahaha. Okay everyone? Bring it. Or else. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Ahaha.
When I got home, I took a shower right away, since my feet were dirty from running around Yasmin's backyard all afternoon. When I turned on the water, my ankle stung (I noticed during I Have Never that the skin of my ankle peeled off a little). I bet it was from the jumper slide! That thing was dangerous(ly fun)! Ahaha. Then again, it was probably because I was wearing an anklet too. Regardless, it's not that bad of an injury. So yeah.
Good times, good times. The spirit of the murdered Alice sure knows how to throw a crazy party. Ahaha.
EDIT: FUDGE, I FORGOT TO DISTRACT YASMIN SO I COULD GET EVERYONE TO SIGN THE BACK OF THE TOTE BAG I GOT HER. FUDGE. EPIC FAIL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

"This made me think of you," she said.

I'm glad you still keep it. And I'm glad you still remember it. I remember it, too. Thanks. That made me smile. Even if it was for a moment.

Come Down Now . . .

Mood: happy; nostalgic; sad
Currently: remembering the simple times
Listening to: Such Great Heights --The Postal Service

Darkness lay all around
And I lay alone
Surrounded in a comforting world.

I watched your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

Listen to my silent cry,
Hear my quiet voice
From beneath the breaking waves.
Listen to these silent words
Screaming frantically for you.

I watched your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

Footsteps ceased,
Lights went off,
And silence screamed at me.

I used to watch your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

I closed my eyes
And floated away
From that comforting world.
I went away,
On a trip,
And whispered "goodnight" to myself.

I-Pod Touch

Mood: happy; excited; tired
Currently: about to do homework
Listening to: Run --Epik High

Ironic thing is, on Sunday, when I went to go to Walmart with Diana and Hee Soo, we were all looking at the I-Pods and stuff, and I kept saying, "Oh my goodness, so beautifuuuul," while practically drooling over the display. Now I'm getting an I-Touch. Why? Glad you asked! So my dad has to fly around quite a bit due to business trips and such, so he gets miles for this one website. I'm not too sure about all the details, but regardless, apparently with those miles, you can buy stuff! Well, technically you get it for free money-wise, but you buy it with your miles! Cool huh? So my dad randomly asked me if I wanted an I-Pod Nano and stuff, then he showed me the website and stuff. There was like the DS Lite on there, too, so I was like, "OMG, I CAN'T CHOOSE," though I was leaning a bit towards the I-Touch. Then I asked people and people on Facebook all seem to agree that the I-Touch was the way to go. Thus, I'm getting an I-Touch, I'm pretty excited about it. I don't really have any of those new and fancy gadgets besides like, my cell phone. And I guess my I-Pod? Though I got it about three-four years ago, and my dad bought it used on Amazon. Well, regardless, I-Touch. This is exciting stuff for me. Watch me break it . . . I'll be so depressed if that happens. Then again, I always break this kind of stuff. Ahaha. I killed my computer four times and my I-Pod this year. My phone is still alive though! Miracles do happen.
I just realized, I've been saying "miracles do happen," as of late. I wonder why.

Walmart and Other Places

Mood: happy
Currently: eating pears and apples
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

I went to Walmart with Hee Soo and Diana today, and it was pretty darn hilarious. So at first, I was talking to Hee Soo on the phone while I was walking towards Walmart, and we saw each other then started waving a lot. Then I hung up on her since I was practically in front of her, and she talked into her phone and she was like ". . . hello?" Hehe.
Then Hee Soo all told me how Pokemon HeartGold came out like, today, and Diana wanted to buy it. There was only one left. Diana didn't come yet. Problem, yes? So Hee Soo and I were all standing in front of the game, trying cover it up, and Hee Soo was all like, "So. How are you today?" It was funny. But we were just standing there, until Hee Soo suggested we leave our guard post for like a moment, just to like go look at earbuds which was right next to the game. So we were all staring at them, thinking of what color Hee Soo get, when I saw it, this guy and his kid all took the game! Hee Soo and I were all spazzing because we thought Diana was going to kill us for not protecting the game like we said we would. We were leaving the sections, and when we passed the guy at the cash register who was buying the game, Hee Soo was like, "That's the b------ who stole the game!" Then he kind of turned his head, and were like, "oh snap, did he hear us", and ran away. Crazy stuff. So we were about to run out of Walmart and go to GameStop when Diana called to tell us she was at Walmart in the electronics section which we fled a moment ago, and we were all panicking. Then Hee Soo was like, "Time to face the music." So we went back, and walked past these people with strollers, and this baby was crying, and then the other one started to cry too, and I said to Hee Soo, "Dude, that's going to be us." And as we approached the game section, Hee Soo said to me, "Dude, it'd be creepy if she was like, right there around the corner." We kind of peeked around the shelf and we made eye-contact with Diana, which was kind of freaky and funny at the same time, so we all ran off into the aisle, laughing like crazy. Diana was all like, "What the, you guys are crazy! I'm not going to kill you guys or anything!" Then we started to laugh more at the irony. Anyhow, we explained ourselves and ended up looking at the very same earbuds that made us lose the Pokemon game forever. Then later, we were looking at bags, at my request. There was this random duck doll there, too, so after I found a bag to buy, I stuffed it into one of the bags there, and Diana was like, "Okay, let's go, guys." And we kind of walk/ran away, which Hee Soo commented, "Dude, it feels like we just stole something and we're fleeing the scene of the crime." Anyhow, Hee Soo led us to this self-serve kind of station, and I was all staring at it like some technology out-of-date person, which I guess I am. Hee Soo scanned the bag in for me and hit this button to say I was paying with cash. I all stared at it, thinking, um, do I scan the dollar, wait what?! Then Hee Soo stole my money and stuffed it into this slot as if it were a vending machine, telling me where my change and collar bills would come out. And I was all like, "Oh my, that's so cool! What have I been missing all my life!" Sad and funny all at once.
We then left to walk to GameStop, and Diana finally got her hands on her beloved game. Then we went to PetCo which was right there (to be honest, I've never been in a PetCo before). So we were all watching these mice running on their running wheel, and there were these two mice on the same one. One was brown, another white, okay? The white one gets off eventually, and then the brown one continued to run. The white one wanted to get back on, but you know there are these pole-like things connecting the circle part of the wheel? Even I don't know what I'm talking about. But anyhow, since the wheel was spinning, so the poles kind of made this barrier, so when the white mouse tried to get on, it's head got smacked by the pole. This happened repeatedly, it was so sad, yet kind of funny since it wouldn't give up. I swear, it tired a bunch of stuff to get in there. That mouse was hardcore, man. Then we went to look at the turtles. Okay, the following was just plain hilarious. So first, Hee Soo kind of scared this turtle under the water, and then the turtle up on land gave Hee Soo a sort of turtle-glare. And Hee Soo was like, "Dude, I bet that turtle is his wife, and he's p---ed at me for scaring her." To prove her point, Hee Soo walked away little, and the turtle all turned his (if it really is a he) head to look at Hee Soo, and we were like, "OMG, IT'S TRUE." Then Hee Soo had this crazy idea and wanted to touch it, so she all looked around in case staff members were around, reached over when I started reading this sign on the tank. It went along the lines of, "Please wash your hands after handling the turtle. Bacteria from the turtle may causes diseases, asdfghjkl;" and stuff. So Hee Soo drew back her hand quickly, when we noticed there was a hand sanitiser thing right there. Hee Soo was like, "Okay, cool," then reached over to touch the tail lightly, and she kind of ran over to the hand sanitiser, hit the button. Nothing. And she was like, "oh my gosh, karma!" She spazzed for a moment, then ran away, looking for another one, and I just couldn't stop laughing, I followed Hee Soo over to where she finally found another one, which had hand sanitiser in it, but I was still laughing, and Hee Soo was like, "Okay, it's not funny anymore!" Then we made our way to the parakeets, which Hee Soo suggested since she said, "I love p---ing them off." Ahaha. So yeah, we just continued venturing around after failing to scare the birds. Saw the dog food, and there was like alphabet dog food, I'm not even kidding. Then Hee Soo all wrote "HELP ME" with the food, and this one lady with a dog came by and gave us this weird look as we ran out of the store (yes, we were running away a lot).
We walked back to Walmart, and ate McDonalds, or rather, Diana and Hee Soo did. I just stole some fries, since I already ate lunch before meeting up with them. When we finished eating, Diana opened her new game, and just as she did, a bunch of people she and Hee Soo knew came by and kind of stared at it and all. Diana all stuffed her game back into its package until they went away, and then we chatted a bit more before leaving.
Yeah, that was my adventure today.

Not-So-Miraculous Miracle

Mood: happy; worn out
Currently: very tired
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

It's a miracle. I actually brought myself to do Chinese homework, actually attempted to do it correctly, and finished before midnight. I feel so accomplished (the assignment wasn't even that long). I don't even know. I'm just. Tired. Yeah. I'm going to bed. Before midnight. Dang, miracles do happen.

Busy Bee

Mood: happy; amused
Currently: making English study guide
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

Strangely enough, I discovered that when I'm in the mood, I really love doing homework, studying, and being busy. Why? Because when I finish my homework, Ifeel like I accomplished something. When I'm studying and busy and moving around and about, I feel like I'm doing stuff that's important, that's worthwhile.

Pocket of Secrets

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: watching Nabari No Ou Episode 10
Listening to: (watching) Nabari No Ou Episode 10

"There are three kinds of secrets. Something that you hide at the bottom of your heart because you don't want it to be mentioned. Something that you can't mention even if you want to. Something that you hope someone asks about even though you're hiding it." Nabari No Ou Episode 10

Dude, I have like, no homework today. Well, except for math, but still. This is one of those rare moments in my life where I will have this little homework, I need to celebrate or something. And catch up on my sleep. Oh my goodness, with all this free time, I suddenly want to do everything. I want to write, I want to read, I want to run, I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to play video games, I want to draw, I want to paint, I want to laugh with my stuffed animals, I want to try playing the piano again, I want to dig up my old flute and try to play a few notes, I want to play board games and chess with myself, I want to sit on the bench in my backyard and sip hot chocolate while getting startled by passing-by bugs, I want to climb up a tree and pretend I have a tree house as my secret getaway, I want to sit on the swing of the fruit tree in our front yard before it was cut down, I want to play Yu-Gi-Yo with the neighborhood kids on the cement that paved over what used to be our front yard, I want to play handball against my garage, I want to chase stray cats while barking as if I were a dog, I want to sit in my room in the dark with my blanket hanging above my head and a flashlight as a campfire as eat those Korean chocolate mushroom snacks with my sister, I want to do it all over again, just for the heck of it. But such hopes never come true. I can only close my eyes and think, "Ahaha, yeah, those were great times. It was nice to live in ignorance and bliss. Feeling miserable over the silliest things and getting over it for no reason at all."

This girl in my journalism class was complaining to the peer counselor in our class about the most interesting person I've yet to hear about. This person is probably a genius, one who has topped the intelligence of my sister. "She's a valedictorian of Whitney high school, takes hard classes (honors and APs and such), AND volunteered in India for a while, AND volunteered at shelters, AND (she listed a huge list of things, I swear), AND you know what? She has time to go shopping and she has such great style. I swear, she is the best looking nerd you will ever see. I envy her so much, I mean, I dress like a hobo, I'm struggling to get my 'A's. Yet she has gotten 4.0's every year, and I've known her all my life. God, I just don't understand how there people who can do that stuff. And you know, I'm so freakin' worried about college, I really want to go to Berkeley, but I don't do anything. And I don't even blame my parents, they've done everything to help me. Like this one time, you know how my thing is singing right? So my mom made me join this one contest thing and I would have probably gotten first place if I wasn't so stubborn and say, no I don't want to. And now that I look back, that would have looked so good on my application, because you know, no one ever does that stuff. Ugh, and I also went into the Cerritos (insert whatever she said, I don't remember) Talent Show thing and won first place for four years, but then I just stopped. Ugggh. I've s----ed myself over."
It was interesting, secretly smiling to myself. How strange. I have the strangest and smallest hope that I would also be able to go to Berkeley, but listening to this girl crack at how she thinks she won't make it into Berkeley when, as far as I know, has done more than I have. Makes me wonder, if she doesn't make it, I wonder what will happen to me. I didn't have to think about it. A lot of people in journalism has the dream of going to Berkeley, and yet again, I smile to myself quietly. In regards to overall grades, I'm probably in the 26th place among the 28 students. And as I don't try and as I silently listen to these people tear their hearts out at the thought of not making it into Berkeley, I can't help but to smile. Why? It's fascinating to watch my own life, full of opportunities, pass me by, as if I were watching my own life from a third-person's point of view.
Life, so fleeting, but I have little desire to lift my heavy feet and catch it. But if I say "little desire", does this mean I still want to make an effort to make what's disappearing in the distance mine? Heh, I thought of an interesting metaphor. You know how some Japanese (?) have like a sort of ramp with running water on it, then they put soba (?) at the top, and the noodles run down with the water, and you have to catch it in order to eat it. It's kind of like that. To eat, you must catch it, if you don't act, the chance will either float away or someone else will take it.

Daisy Bomb

Mood: happy; neutral; thoughtful
Currently: getting distracted from my mountain of history homework
Listening to: El Manana --Gorillaz

I finally went back to reading Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin and it's very interesting. It gives dying a whole different aspect, I kind of thought of the same idea, which intrigued me even more. Basically it's about this girl who dies at fifteen who then she goes to Elsewhere (Heaven, as we know it), only to learn that she was going to grow younger until she was back to being a baby, where she would then be sent back to Earth to be born. While reading, I felt something. I wasn't depressed reading about a girl who felt like she had so many things left she wanted to do back on Earth. But I wasn't too sure what emotion I had that would have made sense. I found an interesting part.

"'Were you happy?' asks Aldous.
Liz thinks about Aldous's question. 'Why do you want to know?'
'Don't worry. It's not a test. It's just something I like to ask all my advisees.'
In truth, she hadn't put much thought into whether she was happy before. She supposed that since she never thought about it, she must have been happy. People who are happy don't really need to ask themsleve if they are happy or not, do that? They just are happy, she thinks.
'I suppose I must have been happy,' Liz says. And as soon as she says it, she knows it's true. One silly errant teardrop runs out of the corner of her eye. Liz quickly brushes it away. A second tear follows, and then a third, and it isn't long before she finds she is crying."

And as I read that, I didn't feel depressed, it was more like mystified. I wondered if it was just the individual, the writer, or us. As far as I know, I've only met people who asked themselves, who've sometimes asked me if they were really happy--as if I had a response for them, especially when they didn't have a response for themself. Are there really just individuals on Earth who've never really thought of themself as unhappy or particularlly miserable, or was that just the author's doing? Or maybe, is it just us? Do we think we don't have a happy life or that we are unfortunate? Are we expecting too much out of "happiness"? Do we think too much about what happiness is and want more than we should? Or is it that life is just what it is? Unfair, cruel, mean, harsh, tough, and gives us more suffering than it gives us joy? I wonder.
I want to be Daisy.

I HAVE MICHELLE'S BACK

Mood: happy; happy
Currently: chatting with Michelle on AIM <3
Listening to: Hey, Soul Sister --Train

The one of the most awesome AIM chats ever.

Michelle 9:32 pm
i was searching for names on a baby name maker and i started contemplating what i should name my kid later on
i couldn't decide
there are too many names i like
maybe i should just put them all into one long name

Me 9:33 pm
LOL

Michelle 9:33 pm
like: emmmajanejenniferhelenpenelopethalia
XD

Me 9:34 pm
AHAHAHAHA
nice, nice
XDDDD
i really like the name emma
8DD

Michelle 9:34 pm
meee tooo

Me 9:34 pm
i don't like jennifer cause my math teacher always calls me jennifer and i'm like, it's just jenny DX

Michelle 9:35 pm
i like emma for a regular name
XD
im never gonna name my kid jennifer, cuz Fas's 1st name is jennifer
XP
blech

Me 9:35 pm
LOL
niiiice
i heard from victor you were the only one in class who was recommended for trig honors though

Michelle 9:35 pm
anyways, i think jenny sounds better than jennifer for u

Me 9:35 pm
8DDD <3

Michelle 9:36 pm
really?
hrm.
i dont think so

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~ yeah, i don't think i really look like a jennifer o_O

Michelle 9:36 pm
i dunn remember
tru

Me 9:36 pm
at any rate, thumbs up to yooou :3

Michelle 9:36 pm
u look like a jenny

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~
8DD

Michelle 9:36 pm
i'll let u read my story when i finish
XD
wait u and victor talk about me?
good things i hope?
or am i getting tooo nosy?
XD

Me 9:37 pm
of course!
8DDD
wait
first: yay, michelle's short story! <3
second: of course we talk good things about you, i'd beat the crude out of victor if you talked ill about you 8Db
third: you're not nosy :3
*if he talked ill

Michelle 9:38 pm
hahha
thanks its nice knowing i can always count on you to watch my back
XD

Me 9:39 pm
X)b
of course!
ohoho~

Free Answers are Nice

Mood: happy; bleh
Currently: looking for practice tests
Listening to: Getting Away with Murder --Papa Roach

I got 20% on my pronouns quiz today. There were ten questions. The teacher gave us two answers. I need to study.

Edit: "http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu says: 'Although the correct choice of WHO and WHOM is no longer considered a terribly important matter in grammar, it remains one of the most often asked questions, a sure sign that it bothers people to use it incorrectly. Once mastered in writing, the correct choice among these words can carry into one's speech. In writing, making the correct choice can be regarded as kind of a puzzle. Enjoy!'"

Mute Ears Deaf Speech

Mood: happy; tired
Currently: staring at homework
Listening to: hum of the laptop

It's pretty naive for me to say that I almost always think that people are happy all the time, up until the point they show me that face of anguish. Today in journalism, a girl who almost always got top marks on her math tests--I know that because she's in my class--and overall, based on her participation in class, she seemed like one of the really smart people. I found it hard to believe, hearing her confide in someone how she felt so dumb in journalism. Although I shouldn't eavesdrop when others are talking about such person feelings, or rather, I shouldn't at all, but I couldn't help but to want to listen. She was talking to a girl in our class who joined the Peer Counselors program, saying how she felt like she didn't belong in journalism because she was too dumb to be taking the class. Everyday, she would have fun, but also feel miserable, thinking, I don't belong in this class. Feeling conflicted, she asked if she should take journalism next year. She's a bit like me, we both get pretty bad grades on our articles and such, so she thought, "If I reapply next year, and I get cut, I'm going to spend the rest of the year feeling like a complete idiot. If I make it, I'm going to go through all this all over again. But if I quit, it's going to be just like swim. I joined this class because I'm interested in journalism, I like writing, but I don't want to take this class if I'm going to just keep thinking that I don't belong here. But I also don't want to quit and feel like some kind of loser who can't keep up with her passions." The peer counselor asked her questions calmly, and even though she was staring at the computer screen, she dedicated her full attention to the conflicted girl. She told her, "From my point of view, well, it's pretty biased since I hate journalism, but it's not like not taking journalism again next year will conflict with anything, even if you decide to pursue journalism as a career. I mean, being in this class for like, just one year is great and all, it gives you foresight and all, but it won't really drag you down if you don't join again, you know?" The girl sighed and said that she was going to think about it for a while longer. The peer counselor nodded and encouraged her to do so, then they briefly made arrangements to talk some other time around school. It was already snack when I decided to give up at my task at hand, feeling like find the right font, size, and color of the magazine titles were too much of a hassle for me today. When I was about to stand up, another girl approached the peer counselor and started to talk about, then said something about being stressed out about college. The peer counselor said, "This again? You're a junior, why are you thinking about this stuff so much?" Then the girl said, "But I should be! Last year, I didn't worry about college at all, but I should have." She went off into further details as I walked away. And a "you learn something new everyday" moment was that everyone has been through some rough times, no matter who they are or how they act at school or even just in front of you. Another one, a more specific one, is that peer counselors are admirable. People go up to them and talk to them about their feelings and their problems and you know, that's great. I think that's just really admirable.
And a rude awakening (ripped of Madison Finn, sorry) today was from what a friend told me. "People just don't seem to really care. Why is it that I listen to their problems, but they can't even listen to mine?" There really just are people who you can't confide to because they just don't listen, talking to them about your troubles is like a waste of breath, and although saying it all out gets it off your chest, your words feel like it sits on top of your heart, after mustering all that effort to say what you wanted to say, and that person asks, "what did you say?" Of course, I knew that there were people like that, but ignorantly thought that they were simply inconsiderate about how others feel. However, in reality, it's possible it's the other way around. Everyone is unfortunate, but some people are faced with worst problems than others. Perhaps we try to talk about our problems to those extremely troubled souls when they have enough to think about already. If that person's family has issues such as financial struggle and it's hard to guess what's going to become of them, I don't feel like that person will have the attention span big enough to listen to someone else complain about their bad grades. Well, it doesn't even have to be a big problem in that person's life, maybe even small conflicts distract their minds with such unsettled thoughts that they can't focus on what other people are saying. Maybe there really are people who couldn't care less about others' problems, but there's always a special case. But we can never assume we know people based on the person you see in front of. Sometimes we can't even assume we understand people even after hearing them.

Puzzle Pieces

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: mulling over Spanish script
Listening to: Lost My Pieces --Toradora OST

"'When someone else thinks that they know me and act like they do. I hate that! It p---es me off! Why don't you understand?!'
'Do you want or not want people to understand you?!'
'I don't know! No one will know what I'm thinking! Because . . . because, I don't even know myself.'" Toradora Episode 8

That's totally me right there, and I suspect quite a lot of others are like that, too. When people understand us, we're happy, because obviously, we want to be understood. It makes us feel like we can relate with them, giving a sense of belonging.

People want to belong somewhere.

On the other hand, when people try to guess what you're feeling, and when it's wrong, you get mad. For some reason it's frustrating that people don't understand you and can't be able to tell how you're feeling all the time, in any situation. Then all of the sudden, we start to rant at either how they can't understand and to mind their own business, or we claim that they can never understand us and they never did at all. Maybe what we want is perfection.

Perfection that doesn't exist.

But because we are selfish and conceited, we expect things to come out okay, everything is going to be okay, and in the end, everything will be perfect.

Sometimes people just need to hear, "Everything is going to be okay." Even if it's a lie.

"Everything looks perfect from far away." Such Great Heights --The Postal Service

"Everything Looks Perfect from Far Away" --Thomas Hawk [Flickr]