Appreciation

There are different forms of appreciation.
But can they be compared? The appreciation for life when you've live through years of poverty and without luxury. The appreciation after surviving through surgery. The appreciation after getting over depression.


"When I was 10 and first saw a radio, I thought there were people inside them."

"Back then, we thought a 9-inch television screen was impressive."

"We had to sit behind each other, because if you looked at the screen from the side, you couldn't see what was happening."

"In college, when it was about the time when China's women volleyball were at their peak, everyone crowded around the TV. There was only 20 inch TV for each dormitory. Six floors, twenty rooms, eight people per room. The first row, people sat on the floor, behind them, people sat on chairs. Then people stood. Then people stood on chairs. Then people stood on the table. The people stood on chairs on tables. All the way until people's heads were touching the ceiling."

"We were so proud when both of our children could go to college. You could only take the exam once. If you failed that one time, you could never go to college. Not in China."

it's time to move on

I hate it when my sister comes to visit.

It only reaffirms my loss.

Time, pain, loneliness, emptiness.

And I remember that there will be a time when she won't come back home. And there will be a time when I leave home. And there will be a time when I won't come back home. And there will be a time when my parents won't be home.

And after all the time has passed, when the pain has increased, when the loneliness peaks, and when the emptiness remains . . . I'll have a new home.

And I'll be happy, surrounded by the people I love and perhaps know then that they don't love me conditionally, perhaps they'll understand that I love them unconditionally, perhaps we'll be a family.

But then I'll lose more on the day my children will leave home. And one day, they won't come back home. And one day, I won't be home.

tsudere

The End

"THE END"

Some happy ending . . .




So sad . . .

So depressing . . .



"Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

A beautiful song that just doesn't seem beautiful anymore when . . . everything . . . everything . . .

The Hunger Games

It's amazing how reading makes you go through the worst PMS ever. That applies to movies and music even.

Oh, how these words wrap their fingers around your neck and strangle you. Words that lift your hopes in their kind hands and toss you back into the Earth with such force, that it's only until after you get out of your daze, you think it's a b----.

So kind. So cruel. So beautiful. So hideous. So innocent. So destructive.

Words that burn themselves into your mind, spoken or read, forever haunting you, forever letting you see those words flash through your head all the time, forever seeing the images they provoke.

Is there no hope in this cruel world? If we replaced poor leaders with better ones, if we replaced the corrupt with the pure, if we ruled the world with our hands . . . oh the fragile tough thing would break the moment it touched our wretched hands.

Oh so cruel the world is! How sad life is! Why are humans so kind, so cruel, so beautiful, so hideous, so innocent, so destructive that we can't nourish anything with our hands but pain and sorrow and never ending torture.





By the way, The Hunger Games Trilogy. So. Good. I swear. It's so powerful. It has so much to it. It doesn't just have adventure, action, humor, romance, and drama, there's so much more. So much depth. It's so sweet. It's addicting and it's painful. It's a drug that stabs you in the heart, but deep down inside you think, I still want to continue, even if it's sad, even if it's cruel--hand me that box of tissues over there--even if I start screaming, "NO, WHY, YOU LOVED HER SO MUCH. YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE OVER AND OVER TO PROTECT HER. EVEN IN YOUR STAGE OF DELIRIUM, YOU CALLED OUT TO HER. OH MY GOD, IS THERE NO HOPE IN THIS BOOK? IN THIS WORLD? IS THIS HOW'S IT'S GOING TO END? NOW? NOW?!?! GIVE ME THE ENDING ALREADY, WAIT NO, I TAKE THAT BACK, NO, STOP IT!!!"

Yeah, it drives me crazy. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET. Because I read so slow.

I should be doing AP homework. Actually, it's past 12, I'm SUPPOSED to be in bed. BUT, OH MY GOD, GOOD SERIES.

SO GENIUS, BUT SO PAINFUL. AGH, THIS BOOK IS DRIVING ME INSANE. IT'S INFURIATING, BUT SO. F---ING. GOOD.




Yeah, I'm sane. I promise.

So. I posted for the first time in . . . over a month. Yay me!

Yeah, I need to go to bed now.

READ THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY. YOU WON'T REGRET IT. . . . maybe you will, but ohhh my goood, it's worth the regret in my opinion.

Now I have to crawl up in bed and cry because this book is just SO SAD. Oh, I hope for a happy ending . . .

Blurred Vision

Ache.

Sometimes you forget to shut up.

And sometimes you forget to be patient.

And sometimes you forget to think.

Ache.

You try to play peace but instead you light the fire that the wind blows. Then the entire village is burning.

And sometimes you feel like you should have done something different.

And sometimes you wonder if you tremble when you're cold or when you're sad.

Ache.

Elephants move in herds, hyenas in packs, sheep in flocks, fish in schools, life in pieces, and hearts in shards.

Ache.

Life's not that bittersweet. It's just bitter. Really bitter. So bitter you think it's sweet. Like when you touch something really hot, you get confused if it's really hot or if it's really cold until it starts burning. Burning on your tongue. Even when you burn sugar it turns all black and disgusting. You pour in more sugar to make the coffee sweet.

All you get is black coffee.

D--- the coffee.

Rift

You start to wonder at some point, what's real and what's imaginary?

And the battle is all in your mind about your mind. First you think about your dreams, then your conscious thoughts, and then the world all together.

"I wonder," you say to yourself, "is this how I really feel? Or is it not? Do I want this? Perhaps I don't. What is real?"

Befuddled, you run around in circles in your own dreams. You scream out loud, "What is real? What do I believe? What do I trust?"

You realize you've been running on nothing but black emptiness and you start falling.

You fall and fall, and while turning in the air you continue to think, "What? What? What?"

You wake up as if you've landed roughly on your mattress.
You stand up, unsettled, but you walk towards the door. You stop to look in a mirror and laugh at your bed hair before trudging off to the bathroom to wash up and greet the beautiful day.




All in your mind about your mind. Your dreams, your thoughts, and the world.

Befuddled dreams. What is real? What do I believe? What do I trust?

You fall and you think, "What?"

You stop to look at the beautiful day.

And then you understand.

The person who frustrates us the most is, perhaps, nobody but ourselves.

Perhaps the thing we deathly fear has been waiting for someone to understand it.

Fun and Food, the Best Combination

Mood: good, but also tired
Currently: eating strawberries
Listening to: Suffocate --Elsa Chapman

My friends, Michelle Pang and Hee Soo Kim went to Olive Garden with me today. In order to conserve gasoline, Michelle's mom drove me and Hee Soo.

Michelle ate chicken with mashed potatoes. Hee Soo ate noodles with seafood. I ate the "Tour of Italy," a dish with some noodles, some lasagna, and chicken. It was very delicious, but it was one thousand four hundred fifty calories! I need to choose healthier foods and eat less . . . or I will become fat. ):

After the meal, we went to the mall, because it was across the street. We went to Forever 21 to look at clothing. Then Hee Soo suggested we play a game. In ten minutes, we needed to find clothing for another person to wear. Hee Soo chose clothing for me, but she is very crazy and gave me interesting clothes. I put on a sequin shirt, a very colorful miniskirt, a blue jacket, and a very colorful vest.

We stayed there until 4:30, but Hee Soo and Michelle didn't by anything. On the other hand, I bought a shirt with a picture of a women wearing a red dress.

-insert picture here-
The shirt design. I think it is pretty. (:

Hee Soo needed to leave early, so my mother drove me and Michelle to our homes.

Today was a very fun day! (: But I am tired, and I still need to do history homework. I do not want to do it . . .

Diversión y Comida, El Mejor Combinación

humor: estoy bien, pero estoy cansada también

ahora: como las fresas

estoy escuchando: Asfixiar (Suffocate) –Elsa Chapman

Mis amigas, Michelle Pang y Hee Soo Kim, fueron al restaurante de Olive Garden conmigo hoy. Para conserva gasolina, la madre de Michelle condujo mí y Hee Soo.

Michelle comó el pollo con pure de patatas. Hee Soo comó los fideos con mariscos. Yo comí el “Tour de Italiano”, un plato con algunos los fideos, alguna la lasaña, y el pollo. Lo fue muy delicioso, pero, ¡fue mil cuatrocientos cincuenta calorías! Necesito escoger más saludables comidas y como menos . . . o me hago gorda. ):

Después de la comida, nosotros fuimos al centro comercial, porque lo fue al otro lado de la calle. Fuimos a la tienda Siempre Veintiuno (Forever 21) para mirar la ropa. Entonces, Hee Soo sugerió nosotros jugar un partido. En diez minutos, nosotros necesitamos encontrar la ropa para la otra persona llevar. Hee Soo escogió la ropa para mí, pero ella es muy loca y dio mí ropa interesante. Me puse una camiseta lentejuela, una minifalda con muchos colores, una chaqueta azul, y un chaleco con muchos colores.

Nosotros nos quedamos allí hasta a las cuatro y media, pero Hee Soo y Michelle no compraron nada. Por otro mano, yo compré una camisa con un foto de una mujer se lleva un vestido rojo.

El diseño de mi camisa. Yo lo pienso es bonito. (:

Hee Soo necesitó salir temprano, entonces mi madre condujo mí y Michelle que nuestras casas.

¡Hoy fue una día muy divertida! (: Pero estoy cansada, y necesito hacer mi tarea de historia todavía. No quiero hacerla . . .

IN SPANISH! (or not)

[Creating a blog for my Spanish class, but it's on this weird kidsblog.org site where only people in my Spanish teacher's classes can look at each other's blog--since we have to comment on people's blogs, and it's just easier with everyone's blog kind of connected.
Anyhow, translation time! Notice all my grammar fails in Spanish AND English! Woot, woot!]

An Interesting New Project

Mood: excited
Currently: eating chips
Listening to: The Flying Cat --The Band (?) (a very interesting song [and lyrics] hahaha)

Hi! If you don't know who I am, my name is Jenny Sheng--which the title of my blog says--and I am in Mrs. Marcroft's sixth period Spanish class. In the future, I want to make a living as a writer, because I am creative and I like to write stories, but my English and Spanish grammar is bad. ):

-insert picture here-
At the Exploratorium in San Francisco. Left: my sister, Joy (22 years old) // Center: me // Right: my sister's boyfriend, Matt (23 years old)

Today my Spanish class received two new projects. One project is this, a blog. I am excited because I like writing a lot! Also, I have an English blog and, in my opinion, writing a blog is very, very fun! I try to write in my blog frequently, but I have a lot of homework almost every day so I can't write every day. However, I hope I can write in my Spanish blog everyday to practice my Spanish before the final exams.

A Typical Saturday

Mood: excited (today too!)
Currently: eating strawberries
Listening to: [my fail translation of] Tell Yourself --Clazziquai (a Korean song)

At nine a.m. I went to Chinese class until twelve p.m. Between those three hours, my class learned about movies, something I learned in Spanish too! It is very interesting to learn vocabulary in different languages.

When it was twelve fifteen I ate spaghetti for lunch, because I like Italian food. The truth is, I prefer Italian food more than Chinese food. In my opinion, Chinese food tastes plain if you eat it every day. But I think Italian food is very, very tasty! Spaghetti with tomato sauce, meat, and Parmesan cheese is very delicious. My favorite food is lasagna, but it is not healthy so I can eat it once in a while.

At two to four p.m., I went to art class. I started a drawing of a woman to learn how to draw the body. But the woman is not wearing clothes so it is a little awkward.

-insert picture here-
Most recent drawing (I drew her scary ): )

The rest of my day is not interesting, but, tomorrow at eleven thirty I am going to go to the restaurant Olive Garden to eat lunch with my friends. More information tomorrow!

¡EN ESPAÑOL!

"Un Interesante Proyecto Nuevo" -El abril de treinta

humor: estoy emocionada

ahora: como las papitas

estoy escuchando: El Gato Volador –El Chombo (una canción [y poema] es muy interesante, jajaja)

¡Hola! Si tú no conoces mí, me llamo Jenny Sheng—cual el título de mi blog dice—y yo soy en la clase de español período seis de Señora Marcroft. En el futuro quiero ganarme la vida como una escritora, porque soy creativa y me gusta escribir las historias, pero mi gramática de íngles y español es mal. ):

Al Exploratorium de San Francisco. Izquierdo: mi hermana, Joy (tiene veintidós años) // Centro: mí // Derecho: el novio de mi hermana, Matt (tiene veintitrés años)

Hoy mi clase de español recibo dos proyectos nuevos. Un proyecto es este, un blog. ¡Estoy muy emocionada porque me gusta escribir mucho! También, yo tengo un blog de ingles y, en mi opinión, escribir un blog es divertidísima. Yo intento escribir en mi blog frecuentemente, pero yo tengo muchas tareas casi todas días entonces no puedo escribir cadas días. Sin embargo, ojalá que pueda escribir en mi blog de español todas días practicar mi español antes de exámenes finales.

"Un Sábado Típico" -El mayo de primero

humor: estoy emocionada (¡hoy también!)

ahora: como las fresas

estoy escuchando: Te Contra (Tell Yourself) –Clazziquai (una canción de coreano)

A las nueve de la mañana yo fui a la clase de chino hasta a las doce de la tarde. Entre esas tres horas mi clase aprenda sobre las películas, ¡algo yo aprende en español también! Es muy interesante aprender vocabulario en diferentes idiomas.

Cuando las doce y cuatro yo almorcé los espaguetis, porque me gusta la comida italiano. La verdad es yo prefiero más la comida italiano que la comida chino. En mi opinión la comida chino proba lisa si comes todas días. ¡Pero yo pienso la comida italiano es sabrosísima! Los espaguetis con la salsa de tomate, carne, y queso parmesano es muy delicioso. Mi comida favorite es lasaña, pero la no es saludable entonces la puedo comer de vez en cuando.

A las dos hasta a las cuatro de la tarde, fui a la clase de arte. Hoy empecé dibujo una mujer aprender como que dibuja el cuerpo. Pero la mujer no lleva la ropa entonces un poco embarazoso.

Más reciente dibujo (yo dibuje ella sepantosa ): )

La resta de mi día, no es interesante, pero, mañana a las once y media yo voy a ir al restaurante de Olive Garden comer almorzar con mis amigas. ¡Más información mañana!

"Students should study hard because we're paid to, not because we're told to."

Back Only to be Gone Again

Mood: good; neutral
Currently: relaxing before doing homework
Listening to: Love Mode --Clazziquai

Oh my, I haven't been here in so long. I don't know, am I getting busier or lazier? Perhaps it's both?
Man, because of the CSTs, I got to go to school at a normal time. Now that it's over already, it's back to zero period and getting my butt over to class by 6:45 a.m., but ending up late two-thirds of the time. Oh well, next year I won't have a zero period! Woot! Except the one thing I will miss about zero period is the empty streets. You encounter about maybe ten cars on the way to school. But going to school by 7:45 a.m. means sitting in your car behind about fifteen other cars to get their effing bumpers moving when the traffic light finally turns green. It takes me about 10-15 minutes to get to school when it would have taken me 5 minutes without all the cars and one/two traffic light stops. Oh well, beggers can't be choosers. I'm just going to have to get out of my house faster next year. I doubt that's going to happen but it's that or one hundred tardies. I think I'm better off not getting that one minute of lying around on my bed.
I'm actually dreading school tomorrow. Mainly and pretty much because of journalism. So I pretty much procrastinated on my article and it was due the next day. I finished up my other homework and it was around 2 a.m. and I felt just really tired. Of course, I still had to do my article and it needed to be typed and all. I sat in front of my computer seriously feeling like a zombie, and if you guys didn't know, if I'm doing anything in that condition, I'm pretty much just randomly winging it without being conscious of it. Once, before I transferred out of my old history class, we got to type our homework, but I felt really exhausted so I half asleep while typing. Then I kind of jolted awake after a few minutes and looked at what I wrote. It was a question about . . . what was it . . . baby booms? I don't remember, but I wrote something about cat food, and I was like, what the heck is this? Good thing I fixed it too, because my old history teacher actually read what we wrote. It would have been so weird if she read that. Ahaha. Anyhow, yeah, my article sucked a lot, and I really don't want to get it back from my disappointed editor-in-chief who's going to dock off points from my grade. I'm really struggling in journalism, I'm battling between a 'B' and a 'C', and getting a 'C' would look really bad for college . . . Not to mention, tomorrow, I have to finish my project and stuff that everyone's kind of slaving over, but I'm relatively good at InDesign (the program we use to format our pages) so hopefully I'll finish without having to go back to class during lunch, and I hope to receive a good grade as well. I hope, I hope.
Anyhow, I also came across an interesting picture or phrase. Call it what you want.
I totally agree with it. Lots of people think they have the worst life, the worst luck, the worst parents, the worst situations, or the worst something. Heck, I used to think that, sometimes I probably still do. Though, after several of my friends confided their problems and stresses with me, I came to realize how fortunate I am in this world--though I'm more than far from truly appreciating the life I have. However, I'm sure almost everyone in the world has thought at least once that their life is the worst compared to any other. In times of distress, who would blame them? You're caught in a bad situation, you're worried, panicked, and it's hard to even think straight without hyperventilating. But don't you think that it should be considered a joy to be able to breathe, to see, to walk, to feel, and to smell? Where's the happiness for the simple things everyone is forgetting? Where's the bliss in being alive? I guess the people living on the streets on a rainy and windy day doesn't really make them look forward to another day starving. I wonder what people without homes think. Do they think about how unfortunate they are, or are they too worried about how they're going to survive to cry about their life? Do those people want to have the luxuries that we have or do they just want enough to live? It's kind of sad how teenagers like myself want to have more when we have enough. We have more than enough. Isn't it great already that we have a house to live in? Aren't we so lucky to be able to have three meals a day and probably have snacks throughout the day? Don't we have more material possessions than we can count when others don't have anything but the clothes on their back? We should be so happy, but we're not. We should think about all the great, even small, things about our life, but most of the time, we don't. Just because we have the capability to, because we can if we really wanted to, we can get so much more luxurious material possessions because we have money to buy them. While other people would practically cry to get our hand-me-downs. Such a cruel world we live in. Or rather, it seems more appropriate to say, such a cruel world the poor and needy live in.

Blossom Blossom

Mood: happy; tired
Currently: blanking out while doing math extra credit
Listening to: Love is War (Techno) --Kagamine Rin

Today was the long awaited Cherry Blossom Festival!
This morning started quietly as I woke up drowsily from bed around 7:20AM. I was getting all my things together, and a few moment before leaving the house, I get a phone call.
Long story short, Hee Soo needed a ride, so my dad all drove over to pick up Hee Soo, then we made a B-line to school. We were a few minutes late, but it was all good. We got there before everyone filed onto the bus. Except, once we were on the bus, we had to wait a while for the last few latecomers. When all was well, we set off on our epic journey.
I was just basically listening to music and messing around my ITouch most of the time. Going from one seat to another to keep Michelle and my boyfriend company. I think I didn't do a good job of both missions, but at least I tried? Ahaha.
Eventually we arrived at Little Tokyo and checked in. I migrated over to the arts and crafts station with Diana, Hee Soo, and Michelle--I got separated from my boyfriend somehow--and basically learned how to make leis made out of beads, paper flowers, and straws, then make examples. I pretty much stayed there all day. Except Diana and Hee Soo ran off to look a this drummer guy they saw last year and thought he looked really hot. Later on, Michelle changed shifts with people, ditching the arts and crafts to pass out posters. Those crazy people, I don't get them, the arts and crafts booth was so much fun! The little kids were cute and their parents were funny, and I felt so useful!
Anyhow, some time after noon, I got my lunch break. Lunch was so delicious, it was barbecue chicken with rice, macaroni salad, and sliced lettuce. Good stuff. Though it took a long time to get our food, so most of my thirty minutes were wasted in line, so Diana, Hee Soo, and I had only about ten minutes to snarf down our food and go back to the arts and crafts booth.
My job changed to helping kids make fish kites (which weren't really so much of a kite, but oh well, most of them really just wanted to color). I stayed there for the remainder of the day. Diana and Hee Soo went on a break, never to return (They were dragged off to dress up as a Hello Kitty mascot, which I really wanted to take a picture with, but by the time I came back with my camera, Hello Kitty [Hee Soo in disguise] was gone! All my hopes and dreams. Shattered!). Anyhow, I just helped kids make kites, Michelle came back from her freedom of exploring (literally trying almost every single food available) and my boyfriend came to help out. I actually think Michelle and my boyfriend get along pretty well (but not that well), which I was particularly pleased with. Especially since I get a feeling sometimes that my friends just don't like him, which concerns me quite a lot. Regardless, I made myself a rainbow fish kite that's not a kite! It's so pretty, though I wish I could have blended in the colors more, but hey, crayons aren't miracle workers!
I finished writing my post. Clicked "Publish Post", but then this error screen came up, and this was all that remained of my post. Basically said, I don't feel like talking about what happened later on all over again because I'm just too lazy to.
All in all, I had lots of fun, hopefully I get to come next year and volunteer (especially with Octagon).

Reality

Heh.

I already know the truth.

But it's still kind of harsh, isn't it?

It's obvious.

I already know.

If you have friends, most of the time they'll have closer friends.

And when you make friends, sometimes they drift away.

Sometimes you drift away.

It's stupid to be sad over what's obviously stupid.

it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter

But . . . even the things that don't matter hurt.

I hate Facebook.

Nah.

That's just me hating myself.

I shouldn't be like this, and I shouldn't care about such stupid stuff.

If you make a big deal over stupid stuff, you should be considered stupid, and I don't want to be stupid.

I wonder if other people feel this way.

They probably do.

I wonder if I'll just be like my mom when I grow up.

It's not like I haven't noticed.

My mom's very lonely, too.

She has my dad and one close friend.

Anyone else who calls her is because they're dreadfully bored or they need something.

She doesn't work, therefore, she doesn't talk to many people besides her blood family, my dad, and her close friend.

In reality, even I talk to my mom as much as a stranger does.

I don't want to be like my mom.

But, I don't want to be unrealistic either.

Since I don't talk to my blood family much, I might end up worse than my mom.

I'm a hypocrite.

I tell people that they should change if they want to, even though I know it's hard to.

I don't want to change anymore, I'm so tired of it.

But, in the end, I still want to change so I can become a better person that people would like to be around.

This is probably what they call fickleness.

Perhaps indecisiveness.

Maybe it's called unhappiness.

Angels Fell

Mood: happy; neutral; thoughtful
Currently: about to go brush my teeth
Listening to: the humming of my sister's laptop

If I had a wish, I'd wish everyone were angels.

If people were angels, there would be no malicious secret intentions, we wouldn't do things to look cooler, we wouldn't do things to fit in, we wouldn't do things to make ourselves feel better even if it means putting others down, we wouldn't pity ourselves, we wouldn't pity at all, we would hurt each other even if it was accidentally and playfully, we wouldn't spread sorrow, and we wouldn't . . .

Or maybe we would anyways.

Perhaps humans were like angels at some point.
We wanted to help others just because we thought how it'd benefit them. We worried about each other and comforted each other and warmed each other with pure intentions. We loved and we did not hated. But one day, an angel wanted to be different, and to be a different angel was perhaps, to be a bad angel. A bad angel wanted to think of methods that would help him or herself, wanted to have everything to itself, wanted to do things its way just because it wanted to. When the other angels thought the idea was not a bad one, they followed suit, and so there were no more angels. There were only devils. And humans.

"If everyone were angels, there would be no need for government or law." --?
Rules were made to keep us from doing it again. To do it again is breaking the rules. If we were all willing to break the rules, there is no point in the rule at all. No order kept, no boundaries made, and we are no angels, so perhaps chaos will rule us all. Rules are made. And rules are ignored.

There is no good deed done selflessly because we do good things in order to feel good about ourselves, not because we wholeheartedly wanted that person to benefit from our actions. Self-satisfaction. There are no good deeds. --as stolen from Friends.

First Time a Second Time

Mood: happy; neutral-ish
Currently: about to go to bed after reading the latest chapter of Skip Beat
Listening to: the humming of my sister's laptop

Yesterday, for the first time in a while, I cried myself to sleep. Perhaps it wasn't out of loneliness and misery, but then again, maybe it was. For the second time, "for the first time in a while", I cried because I missed my boyfriend. Generally, I'm really good at distracting myself from whatever bothered me. It's not like I just sat around in my sister and her boyfriend (Matt)'s apartment all day. No. It was a very busy day.
First, I woke up around nine, got ready, and we drove about twenty minutes to pick up our (my sister and I) cousin, Gong Chen (The one who was born 12 years before me and on the same day as me, so he's the same Chinese zodiac animal as me, the dog. Thus Gong Chen and I are known as Big Dog, Little Dog, respectively. Which might we why he's quite fond of me. He seems to like to pinch my cheek lightly when I do something funny/cute.) and his friend. Then Matt drove us all the way to San Francisco to go see the Fisherman's Wharf and get a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge, but it was too cloudy, rainy, and just way too windy for us to go, so we gave up and went to find a place to eat.
For lunch, we ate at this place called The Pub. I had Southern Fried Chicken (that came with two sides) and pretty much ate everything, which either really impressed everyone, or pretty much disturbed them, since I ate more than a 23 year old (and older) adults, yet I am still the shortest, smallest, and skinniest of them all. Except Gong Chen is pretty skinny, but he's quite a beanpole really. Anyhow, we went to that one famous chocolate place, Gappolli? Errr . . . something like that. I don't feel like checking if I'm even relatively close. Regardless, I took really random pictures which I shall post onto Facebook when I get back home so you guys will understand then hopefully. Anyhow, I had hot chocolate there, except Gong Chen's friend ordered the wrong thing on accident, so I ended up getting a sundae too. Lucky me? On a really cold day, not so much, but it was pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.
Then we went to this scientific exploratory. I swear, this place is so cool, I've never thought science has ever been so interesting. Okay, so there was a lot of things, as in a lot of things. I couldn't even get to see everything. So, I'll just talk about a few things I liked (my explanations aren't perfect, and I probably switched some stuff together, so bear with my ranting if you wish to proceed reading). There was this tube where there's water and in the middle, there's this sort of screen with holes and such in it right? If you turn the tube quickly enough, and because of differing pressures, the water will be able to stand on the screen, despite the fact that there are holes in it. Then there was this wall where your shadows are different colors, and the only reason the wall looks white is because there are different colored lights shining on them, and when you stand in the lights way, you have three shadows, red, blue, and yellow. Then there are a bunch of optical illusions, where you walk towards the picture, and the picture kind of looks like it's rotating, which it isn't, since it's just fooling your eyes. Then there's this really cool water fountain which I didn't get to really look at very well, but there was something about drinking it a certain way, and the water hits the metal basin, it detects wavelengths and transforms it into music. Yeah, I don't really get it, but it's pretty darn cool. There was a bunch of other stuff, but it's either too hard to explain what I was doing, or it's too hard to explain the logic behind it. The exploratory closed, we left, blah blah blah, drove back closer to Stanford again.
We met up with some of Gong Chen's friends and ate at this Thai restaurant, but I wasn't really hungry, so I ate half of my friend rice dish, which was actually really delicious. Then we went home, stuff and stuff.
We're back in the apartment, and my sister, Matt, and I play this trivia game on Matt's PS3, Buzz. My sister goes crazy because she couldn't beat Matt, and somehow I ended up winning because I didn't know s---, so I just clicked a random button, got it right, and kicked butt. My sister was all like, this game is outrageous, blahblhalksjdhsdfh, she exploded, and then she and Matt went to go study, since they have class tomorrow, where I continued to play this really addicting game, Trash Panic. The objective of the game is to pretty much compact all this trash in this supersized trash can. Doesn't sound like much fun when I put it that way, but trust. It's crazy. While playing, I chatted with my oh-so-wonderful boyfriend, but because of bad signal and connectivity, the conversation had to be cut short. Oh well, at least I got to hear his voice, that's all that really matters to me at this point.
Amongst this slightly chaotic day, I couldn't help to think about my boyfriend all day, thinking, "I wonder if he'd like eating here," or "I bet he'd love to come here one day," or "I really wish he could be here now to see this." So much for being easily distracted. Well. I was distracted. Perhaps by the wrong things.

Touchy

Doing a research paper outline on suicide and whether or not the media should cover suicide stories.
And as the material made evident, suicide is a touchy subject. To talk about it, or to not talk about it. Talking about it can lead to copycat deaths. Not talking about it won't solve the problem, even if you pretend such an issue doesn't exist, it lives on. And people who joke around about this stuff. It's annoying. Why would people say something so carelessly like they'll kill themself when they don't understand that saying something like that, so leisurely, can actually lead to someone really killing themself. People who think they understand don't, and people who understand don't think others understand. In the end, it's hard to even talk about our feelings because we don't understand each other and we don't understand ourselves. And people who don't understand that they can't just tell people to go die because people will go die. It's hard to talk to people about suicide and it's hard to help others out of suicide. Feeling like you nearly killed someone isn't pleasant. So carelessly. So ignorantly. It's scary to know, for sure, you made someone think about dying that day. I never want to go back and relive.
Bear the murder weapon with your hand on the blade without cutting yourself.
"This is my third column in a week touching on the subject. Pray there is no blood on my hands." (Egan)
"32,439 suicides--double the number of murder victims. . . . (While you're at it, consider that 42,636 people died that year in car crashes and 41,000 from breast cancer--and look at the mammoth publicity given both to road safety and preventive checkups.) Plus, who know how reliable those totals are. How many deliberate overdoses by dying people are classified as mishaps, how many single-vehicle 'accidents' aren't accidental, how much self-destructive behavior is ignored or misrepresented? True, suicide is a private act, an expression of despair or anger, resignation or defiance. But taken in the aggregate, suicide is also a public health reality of vast social importance." (Wasserman)
"Suicide rarely occurs in a vacuum. Although the act itself may be impulsive, people who kill themselves usually have considered or tried it before. As many as 90% of suicide victims have diagnosable and treatable mental disorder, such as major depression and alcohol or drug abuse." (Adams)
"South Wales Echo had run the headline: 'Why are so many of our youngsters killing themselves?' . . . In on notorious case in 1999, a report of a suicide gave too much detail of the chemical cocktail that was used, and in the ensuing month nine people tried to kill themselves by drinking similar mixtures. . . . Most reporters will tell you that almost everybody who is associated in any way with a suicide never wants the story to be reported. It is horrible, and reading about it through the inevitably distorting lens of journalism only makes it worse. From that angle it can be hard to believe that anything is gained." (Cathcart)
"Bryce Mackie, a 21-year-old student at Columbia College in Chicago, knows all about that. In high school, he made a film about his own experience with bipolar disorder and suicidal thoughts. He first showed the film to his parents and teachers and ended up getting help, and now speaks to other young people across the country about his experience. 'I'll have seven or eight kids after a speech come up to me and, for most of them, this is the first time they've talked about it,' says Mackie, whose film 'Eternal High' has won awards for helping stigmatize mental illness. 'They had no clue that anyone else felt that way,' he adds. 'And even if they did, their teachers weren't talking about it. Their friends weren't talking about it.' . . . Jamie Tworkowski, 29, was inspired to action by a suicidal friend who told him she was cutting herself and using drugs. A story he wrote about her ultimately helped save her life and resulting in a Florida-based nonprofit called To Write Love On Her Arms. . . .Tworkowski posted the story about his friend on the MySpace social networking site in 2006 and sold T-shirts to raise money for her treatment. After another friend who played in a band wore one of the shirts during a performance, he says he received more than 100 online messages, many from young people who said they were depressed or suicidal. Now his organization, which has eight full-time staffers and five volunteer interns, uses social networking to put people suffering from depression in contact with professionals. 'It made me realize, OK if a hundred people respond this way, why wouldn't 100,000 or even a million respond whit way?' Tworkowski says. 'There was this need to talk about it.'" (Irvine)

Some Miracles are Harder to Believe than Others

Mood: happy; feeling like something huge and heavy was lifted from my shoulders
Currently: relieved
Listening to: Incomplete --The Last Goodnight

You know how I'm in journalism? And you now have I have to sell ads to get a better grade and stuff? Okay, so everyone was sent on a mission to sell ads to tuxedo and flower places since prom is right around the corner. I actually stole mine from a friend who said she could always sell ads to her family's restaurant. Norwalk Tuxedo. Because I'm dumb and irresponsible, I had my mom drive me all the way over there to talk to them, but it's pretty far away, and also, the person who I needed to talk to wasn't even there. So the person at the cash register told me to call Monday or something, and the person would be there. Since I didn't particularly notice any business cards lying around, I left. Granted, my mom was pretty ticked since not only I didn't accomplish much, we also got lost on the way there, so we wasted a bunch of time (and gas). I came back home, looked up their number online, and thought it was all good, right?
Monday came, and I have always hated calling people and such, so I was a tad nervous. I finally took a deep breath and dialed. The line was busy. Don't you hate when that happens? I was so frustrated. Anyhow, I waited a little, called again and again, until finally it started to ring. Then suddenly it says, "This phone is disconnected or no longer in service." So I was like what the heck? I kept calling again and again though, out of hopeless determination and hope. Then I finally gave up and decided to think of something later on, I had a bunch of other stuff that I had to do. However, today, my mom was being persistent about it and pulled out the Yellowbook, which also got my sister involved. My sister found another number somehow under another Norwalk Tuxedo place, so I decided to call and try my luck. Bingo.
It wasn't the same business, though. According to the guy I was talking to, Brandon, the store I went to closed, which confused me greatly. I was there just a few days ago, and now they're closed? It was inconceivable. (Though my sister made a good point saying, "Well yeah, even if they aren't closed, they're competitors. What would they do, say, 'Oh yeah, here's their number, go advertise their business.'") But earlier in the conversation I said something about asking if the business wanted to buy an ad, so Brandon was like, "So what are you selling an ad for again? The newspaper?" Then I continued to explain how I was selling ads for my school's newspaper since prom was coming around. When he heard that he offered to buy the ad instead! Talk about convenient luck, huh? I told him about the deadlines and the prices and such, and he wanted to buy $70 worth of ads. And by the way, I'm required to sell $50 by the end of the semester, so I'm pretty much celebrating right now--I hate going out and trying to persuade businesses to buy ads because I'm trying to asking people to spend money on an advertisement that honestly, not too many people even look at. Regardless, if all goes well, I will be able to increase my grade slightly, which makes me want to cheer because I have a 'C' in journalism, which is pretty darn sad . . .

The Spirit of Alice Lives Forever

Mood: happy; sad-ish
Currently: still hyper
Listening to: Heartbeat --2PM [ x ] (Hee Soo. I still. love the dance. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT. [Hairspray] Appropriate for this song and moment, no?)

Don't you guys hate leaving a really festive place and life seems so quiet and lonely? That's why I don't ever have a birthday party anymore. I mean, yeah, I want to have fun with my friends on the day I was born, but then when everyone is gone, I feel so depressed, replaying every moment of the party in my head over and over. Even though my ears hurt every time someone screamed, but it was still lively and stuff, you know? I'd rather hang out with my crazy friends, slowly growing deaf then live in my boring house. I can never share my excitement with anyone in this house, I swear. My parents are way too into their Korean dramas (with Chinese subtitles). My sister is almost never home, and even if she was, half the time, she's staring at her computer screen as I am now. Even if I try to talk to them, they usually get annoyed at me for bothering them. My room would be so quiet if I wasn't playing music. Music. It saves my life. Seriously.
On a happier note, today was so crazy. First thing first, Yasmin's birthday party. It was Alice in Wonderland themed where Alice gets murdered and we have to find the murderer. So anyhow, my parents were driving me and Michelle to Yasmin's house, and I swear, worst traffic jam I have been in for the first time in like, a year (going to school for 0 period, the road is like practically reserved for you, the only thing I'll miss about 0 period). So we were stuck there for about 10-25 minutes? It was all because the city spends too much money on road paving! Geez, they should use that money for better things. Anyhow, then we got onto the freeway, and there was traffic there too! And I was like, dude, we're 30 minutes late! Then Michelle and I were all commenting how Hee Soo, the white rabbit, was probably already there when she's supposed to be the rabbit who's like, "I'm late!" and all. Then we all looked at Michelle's gift, cheesecake that she made, and the M&M's were like bleeding. Seriously. The cream on top was probably melting a little, so the colors were all dripping and mixing together. Ahaha.
So once we finally got to Yasmin's house, we saw this jumper, and as expected, Hee Soo was already there. Then we had to go through the jumper, the "rabbit hole" (I thought that was so cute/clever, ahaha), and I was all failing because my shoes were on and everything, so I got kind of stuck after climbing this wall and before sliding down. I was all like pretending to be exhausted and stuff, so the people who already got to the party was like, "You can do it, Jenny!" I eventually got down, but I was all being dramatic, saying how that was the most dangerous thing in my life. Ahaha.
When I got off the jumper, everyone was kind of gathered around this table with a chessboard on it, and the pieces were like five times bigger than normal ones. It was so cool, I wanted to buy it off Yasmin, but I don't think she'll sell it to me. Oh well. Anyhow, so we waited for more people to come, then we finally got things rolling.
For lunch, or whatever it was, we had pizza and sushi! Strange combination, but it was good. Heh, Yasmin was eating her pizza with chopsticks, I thought that was pretty funny. Anyhow, Yasmin passed out paper stating our opinion of Alice and our alibi, telling us if we were guilty or not. At the table, there was:
Yasmin: Alice, of course.
Me: Queen of Hearts, now prostrate at my feet in fear.
Athalia: Cheshire Cat, with her cute tail.
Cathy (Yasmin's cousin): White Pawn, dude, she had that one thing around her neck, what are those called?! I want one, just for the heck of it. Ahaha.
Diana: Dormouse, her ears were so cute. They were bunny ears, but she folded them so that they were short enough to be a mouse's.
Hee Soo: White Rabbit, she stole Yasmin's hat with rabbit ears, which looked so cool.
Michelle: Ace of Hearts, my right-hand soldier! Though she sat at my left. Ahaha.
Revathi: Duchess, she stole Yasmin's skirt that Yasmin wore on Halloween as the White Rabbit.
Shruthi: March Hare, she was later than all of us!
Victor: Caterpillar, he wore all blue. Heh.
Felix: Mad Hatter, he came at the very end of the party, though!
So we all had to read the paper as to what we thought about Alice and our alibi to figure who murdered Alice. My alibi was that I was at the trial who the Stolen Tarts, my stolen tarts. Whoever stole them, it'll be OFF WITH HIS/HER HEAD! Ahaha. I loved using that line today.
When everyone read their stuff, we mainly accused the Duchess, the White Rabbit, and me. Then when Shruthi finally showed up, we started to accuse the White Rabbit and the March Hare. When we finally voted on who we thought was the murderer, it was a tie between the two rabbits. In the end, Athalia called Felix for what he voted for. In the end, Hee Soo, the White Rabbit, was accused, and executed apparently, even though she fought to defend herself until the very end. She even called Felix again to try and persuade him that she was innocent. Ahaha. Then we all announced what we did in the end (Athalia read Victor's because he had to leave early). In reality, it was March Hare, Shruthi, who murdered Alice! Dun dun duuuuun. Then Hee Soo was like, "See, I told you guys! You guys got me killed!"
Afterward we had a race on the jumper. Everyone did pretty good, but in the end, Yasmin conquered us all, getting a time of about 17 seconds or something. That was pro skills right there, and she was wearing a dress, too. I bet she practiced all day. Ahaha. I got a time of like, 23 seconds. Dude, when I tried to get through the entrance, I got like, stuck, so I tripped. Then I jumped over this hurdle thing and ran into the wall. Then I tried to climb up the wall, but I went way too slow, I slide down, crashed into the end wall, then yeah. It was crazy fun though, even though I kept failing.
We mingled on the slide for a bit, pushing each other off the slide, and crashing into each other. It was pretty dangerous, really, but still fun. We had so many, "I saw my life flashing before my eyes" moments.
Next we played I Have Never, and I think I tied with Cathy, Hee Soo, and Yasmin. I'm not too sure because everyone ran off randomly. Then I stole the Nerf Sword Diana was clinging onto all day, but eventually it got into Shruthi's hands, and she gave me this sort of funny glare/smile, so I was like, "OH MY GOSH, SHE HAS THE EYES OF A MURDERER." Ahahaha. Get it? You know, the March Hare (AKA Shruthi) was Alice's murderer. Ahaha. Yeah, okay, but it was funny during the moment!
We played on the slide more, then I asked Leo (Yasmin's brother) for the other Nerf Sword so Michelle and I could duel. I swear. Most intense thing you'll ever see. We were all like slapping the swords together to produce this loud kind of clap, and oh my goodness. Intense stuff. We switched off with other people now and then (dude, Yasmin is vicious, she goes right in for the kill, but she always runs off when someone accidentally hits her hand), but mostly it was me and Michelle. After a while, Hee Soo and Diana suggested we have war cries, so Michelle was like, "FOR NARNIAAA!!!" and I was like, "SPARTAAAA!!! (I forgot the 'for', ahaha)". It was crazy. I was sweating like crazy, oh my goodness, I'm not even joking. I haven't worked up a sweat for so long, I think Michelle and I burned off all the food we ate. I won pretty much all the round against her, except for the last round, she finally got me. Ahaha. Dude, Michelle kept hitting my thigh when we win after hitting the opponent's stomach, and I'm like, "I would have been dead five hits ago if you aimed higher!" There were lots of epic fails, like the swords missing each other, so it was like we were hacking at the air. Then in the first round, Michelle charged in for the strike, but then she slipped on one foot, and it kind of looked like she was preparing to do the splits. The last round, we were fighting, but then her grip slipped from the sword handle, and it fell onto the ground. Ahaha. Oh yeah, we even fought in those weird olden day duels (but with guns and stuff), where we are back to back, take three steps, then turn around and fight. Ahaha. I swear, I want to duel Michelle again one day. It was just crazy. Though my arms are probably going to be sore tomorrow, and I might have blisters on my feet (I took off my shoes to run around freely), but it's all good. What's life without a bit of danger, adventure, and pain?
Michelle and I were so into our sword fight, we never got to eat cake. Ahaha. It's all good though. Speaking of cake though, we gathered around Yasmin to sing happy birthday to her and stuff, and afterward, Athalia was telling Yasmin to take a bite out of the cake. After a brief chanting of, "bite it," she leaned in to do it when Athalia charged in to smash Yasmin's face into the cake. She was so close, but ended up just ruffling up Yasmin's hair because Yasmin probably saw it coming and retaliated. So close. I was waiting for it too. I had the best view too. Ahaha. Too bad though.
Hrmm, what else happened.
We played on the slide some more. Seriously, the jumper slide was crazy fun, we kept trying to push people off and grabbing someone by the ankle so we'll drag them down with us. Ahaha. This one time, Michelle, Hee Soo, Revathi, Diana, and I were all sitting at the top of the slide, singing random songs like, "Be a Man" from Mulan and "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. I kept singing out of key though, because my voice was getting hoarse from all the yelling, screaming, and battle cries. Ahaha.
Oh, and Yasmin's dad brought out their super cool telescope and we got a glance at the moon's craters. It was so beautiful. I want to learn some stuff about astronomy one day.
Before leaving, I had a chess battle against Felix. I would have won if I didn't have to leave! I'll have my rematch with him, ONE DAY. Heh, but after a while, Diana and Hee Soo kept saying something about winning in three turns, but I was seriously? Because I didn't see it, though their plan was kind of like what I had planned, but it wouldn't have worked unless it was at leave five turns, so I never really got what they were talking about. The plan didn't work in the end, so I couldn't win quickly. I had to leave the game in Hee Soo's hands before running out to Michelle's dad's car, shouting, "I'LL HAVE MY REMATCH AGAINST YOU, FELIX. ONE DAY. ONE DAAAAY. I'LL HAVE MY REVEEEEENGE." I think I disturbed the neighborhood. Ahaha, my bad, but hey, I had five cotton candies. You guys, don't get cotton candy if you aren't going to finish it! Ahaha.
Once in the car, I felt like I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. My bag. I ran out of the car, burst in through the gates saying, "FELIX, I'M BACK FOR MY REVENGE!" Then everyone was like, "what the heck?!" But I ran off to grab my back, bad a run for the car again shouting, "I'LL CHALLENGE YOU SOME OTHER DAY, FELIX, JUST YOU WAIT." Ahaha. Sorry, Yasmin, if your neighbors complain to you guys tomorrow. Ehehe.
On the way home, Michelle and I chatted a bit, going through the goodie bags we got right before leaving. Michelle opened it and was like, "Crunch! My favorite! How did Yasmin know?!" So I was like, "She's psychic, she inherited my magical powers." Ahaha. Then later, I suggested everyone wear their heart necklace thing to school, so we can all be like, "Power Rangers! Unite!" Ahaha. Okay everyone? Bring it. Or else. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Ahaha.
When I got home, I took a shower right away, since my feet were dirty from running around Yasmin's backyard all afternoon. When I turned on the water, my ankle stung (I noticed during I Have Never that the skin of my ankle peeled off a little). I bet it was from the jumper slide! That thing was dangerous(ly fun)! Ahaha. Then again, it was probably because I was wearing an anklet too. Regardless, it's not that bad of an injury. So yeah.
Good times, good times. The spirit of the murdered Alice sure knows how to throw a crazy party. Ahaha.
EDIT: FUDGE, I FORGOT TO DISTRACT YASMIN SO I COULD GET EVERYONE TO SIGN THE BACK OF THE TOTE BAG I GOT HER. FUDGE. EPIC FAIL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

"This made me think of you," she said.

I'm glad you still keep it. And I'm glad you still remember it. I remember it, too. Thanks. That made me smile. Even if it was for a moment.

Come Down Now . . .

Mood: happy; nostalgic; sad
Currently: remembering the simple times
Listening to: Such Great Heights --The Postal Service

Darkness lay all around
And I lay alone
Surrounded in a comforting world.

I watched your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

Listen to my silent cry,
Hear my quiet voice
From beneath the breaking waves.
Listen to these silent words
Screaming frantically for you.

I watched your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

Footsteps ceased,
Lights went off,
And silence screamed at me.

I used to watch your shadows pass by,
Walking to and fro,
They go.

I closed my eyes
And floated away
From that comforting world.
I went away,
On a trip,
And whispered "goodnight" to myself.

I-Pod Touch

Mood: happy; excited; tired
Currently: about to do homework
Listening to: Run --Epik High

Ironic thing is, on Sunday, when I went to go to Walmart with Diana and Hee Soo, we were all looking at the I-Pods and stuff, and I kept saying, "Oh my goodness, so beautifuuuul," while practically drooling over the display. Now I'm getting an I-Touch. Why? Glad you asked! So my dad has to fly around quite a bit due to business trips and such, so he gets miles for this one website. I'm not too sure about all the details, but regardless, apparently with those miles, you can buy stuff! Well, technically you get it for free money-wise, but you buy it with your miles! Cool huh? So my dad randomly asked me if I wanted an I-Pod Nano and stuff, then he showed me the website and stuff. There was like the DS Lite on there, too, so I was like, "OMG, I CAN'T CHOOSE," though I was leaning a bit towards the I-Touch. Then I asked people and people on Facebook all seem to agree that the I-Touch was the way to go. Thus, I'm getting an I-Touch, I'm pretty excited about it. I don't really have any of those new and fancy gadgets besides like, my cell phone. And I guess my I-Pod? Though I got it about three-four years ago, and my dad bought it used on Amazon. Well, regardless, I-Touch. This is exciting stuff for me. Watch me break it . . . I'll be so depressed if that happens. Then again, I always break this kind of stuff. Ahaha. I killed my computer four times and my I-Pod this year. My phone is still alive though! Miracles do happen.
I just realized, I've been saying "miracles do happen," as of late. I wonder why.

Walmart and Other Places

Mood: happy
Currently: eating pears and apples
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

I went to Walmart with Hee Soo and Diana today, and it was pretty darn hilarious. So at first, I was talking to Hee Soo on the phone while I was walking towards Walmart, and we saw each other then started waving a lot. Then I hung up on her since I was practically in front of her, and she talked into her phone and she was like ". . . hello?" Hehe.
Then Hee Soo all told me how Pokemon HeartGold came out like, today, and Diana wanted to buy it. There was only one left. Diana didn't come yet. Problem, yes? So Hee Soo and I were all standing in front of the game, trying cover it up, and Hee Soo was all like, "So. How are you today?" It was funny. But we were just standing there, until Hee Soo suggested we leave our guard post for like a moment, just to like go look at earbuds which was right next to the game. So we were all staring at them, thinking of what color Hee Soo get, when I saw it, this guy and his kid all took the game! Hee Soo and I were all spazzing because we thought Diana was going to kill us for not protecting the game like we said we would. We were leaving the sections, and when we passed the guy at the cash register who was buying the game, Hee Soo was like, "That's the b------ who stole the game!" Then he kind of turned his head, and were like, "oh snap, did he hear us", and ran away. Crazy stuff. So we were about to run out of Walmart and go to GameStop when Diana called to tell us she was at Walmart in the electronics section which we fled a moment ago, and we were all panicking. Then Hee Soo was like, "Time to face the music." So we went back, and walked past these people with strollers, and this baby was crying, and then the other one started to cry too, and I said to Hee Soo, "Dude, that's going to be us." And as we approached the game section, Hee Soo said to me, "Dude, it'd be creepy if she was like, right there around the corner." We kind of peeked around the shelf and we made eye-contact with Diana, which was kind of freaky and funny at the same time, so we all ran off into the aisle, laughing like crazy. Diana was all like, "What the, you guys are crazy! I'm not going to kill you guys or anything!" Then we started to laugh more at the irony. Anyhow, we explained ourselves and ended up looking at the very same earbuds that made us lose the Pokemon game forever. Then later, we were looking at bags, at my request. There was this random duck doll there, too, so after I found a bag to buy, I stuffed it into one of the bags there, and Diana was like, "Okay, let's go, guys." And we kind of walk/ran away, which Hee Soo commented, "Dude, it feels like we just stole something and we're fleeing the scene of the crime." Anyhow, Hee Soo led us to this self-serve kind of station, and I was all staring at it like some technology out-of-date person, which I guess I am. Hee Soo scanned the bag in for me and hit this button to say I was paying with cash. I all stared at it, thinking, um, do I scan the dollar, wait what?! Then Hee Soo stole my money and stuffed it into this slot as if it were a vending machine, telling me where my change and collar bills would come out. And I was all like, "Oh my, that's so cool! What have I been missing all my life!" Sad and funny all at once.
We then left to walk to GameStop, and Diana finally got her hands on her beloved game. Then we went to PetCo which was right there (to be honest, I've never been in a PetCo before). So we were all watching these mice running on their running wheel, and there were these two mice on the same one. One was brown, another white, okay? The white one gets off eventually, and then the brown one continued to run. The white one wanted to get back on, but you know there are these pole-like things connecting the circle part of the wheel? Even I don't know what I'm talking about. But anyhow, since the wheel was spinning, so the poles kind of made this barrier, so when the white mouse tried to get on, it's head got smacked by the pole. This happened repeatedly, it was so sad, yet kind of funny since it wouldn't give up. I swear, it tired a bunch of stuff to get in there. That mouse was hardcore, man. Then we went to look at the turtles. Okay, the following was just plain hilarious. So first, Hee Soo kind of scared this turtle under the water, and then the turtle up on land gave Hee Soo a sort of turtle-glare. And Hee Soo was like, "Dude, I bet that turtle is his wife, and he's p---ed at me for scaring her." To prove her point, Hee Soo walked away little, and the turtle all turned his (if it really is a he) head to look at Hee Soo, and we were like, "OMG, IT'S TRUE." Then Hee Soo had this crazy idea and wanted to touch it, so she all looked around in case staff members were around, reached over when I started reading this sign on the tank. It went along the lines of, "Please wash your hands after handling the turtle. Bacteria from the turtle may causes diseases, asdfghjkl;" and stuff. So Hee Soo drew back her hand quickly, when we noticed there was a hand sanitiser thing right there. Hee Soo was like, "Okay, cool," then reached over to touch the tail lightly, and she kind of ran over to the hand sanitiser, hit the button. Nothing. And she was like, "oh my gosh, karma!" She spazzed for a moment, then ran away, looking for another one, and I just couldn't stop laughing, I followed Hee Soo over to where she finally found another one, which had hand sanitiser in it, but I was still laughing, and Hee Soo was like, "Okay, it's not funny anymore!" Then we made our way to the parakeets, which Hee Soo suggested since she said, "I love p---ing them off." Ahaha. So yeah, we just continued venturing around after failing to scare the birds. Saw the dog food, and there was like alphabet dog food, I'm not even kidding. Then Hee Soo all wrote "HELP ME" with the food, and this one lady with a dog came by and gave us this weird look as we ran out of the store (yes, we were running away a lot).
We walked back to Walmart, and ate McDonalds, or rather, Diana and Hee Soo did. I just stole some fries, since I already ate lunch before meeting up with them. When we finished eating, Diana opened her new game, and just as she did, a bunch of people she and Hee Soo knew came by and kind of stared at it and all. Diana all stuffed her game back into its package until they went away, and then we chatted a bit more before leaving.
Yeah, that was my adventure today.

Not-So-Miraculous Miracle

Mood: happy; worn out
Currently: very tired
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

It's a miracle. I actually brought myself to do Chinese homework, actually attempted to do it correctly, and finished before midnight. I feel so accomplished (the assignment wasn't even that long). I don't even know. I'm just. Tired. Yeah. I'm going to bed. Before midnight. Dang, miracles do happen.

Busy Bee

Mood: happy; amused
Currently: making English study guide
Listening to: Crawl --VeltPunch [Nabari No Ou OP]

Strangely enough, I discovered that when I'm in the mood, I really love doing homework, studying, and being busy. Why? Because when I finish my homework, Ifeel like I accomplished something. When I'm studying and busy and moving around and about, I feel like I'm doing stuff that's important, that's worthwhile.

Pocket of Secrets

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: watching Nabari No Ou Episode 10
Listening to: (watching) Nabari No Ou Episode 10

"There are three kinds of secrets. Something that you hide at the bottom of your heart because you don't want it to be mentioned. Something that you can't mention even if you want to. Something that you hope someone asks about even though you're hiding it." Nabari No Ou Episode 10

Dude, I have like, no homework today. Well, except for math, but still. This is one of those rare moments in my life where I will have this little homework, I need to celebrate or something. And catch up on my sleep. Oh my goodness, with all this free time, I suddenly want to do everything. I want to write, I want to read, I want to run, I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to play video games, I want to draw, I want to paint, I want to laugh with my stuffed animals, I want to try playing the piano again, I want to dig up my old flute and try to play a few notes, I want to play board games and chess with myself, I want to sit on the bench in my backyard and sip hot chocolate while getting startled by passing-by bugs, I want to climb up a tree and pretend I have a tree house as my secret getaway, I want to sit on the swing of the fruit tree in our front yard before it was cut down, I want to play Yu-Gi-Yo with the neighborhood kids on the cement that paved over what used to be our front yard, I want to play handball against my garage, I want to chase stray cats while barking as if I were a dog, I want to sit in my room in the dark with my blanket hanging above my head and a flashlight as a campfire as eat those Korean chocolate mushroom snacks with my sister, I want to do it all over again, just for the heck of it. But such hopes never come true. I can only close my eyes and think, "Ahaha, yeah, those were great times. It was nice to live in ignorance and bliss. Feeling miserable over the silliest things and getting over it for no reason at all."

This girl in my journalism class was complaining to the peer counselor in our class about the most interesting person I've yet to hear about. This person is probably a genius, one who has topped the intelligence of my sister. "She's a valedictorian of Whitney high school, takes hard classes (honors and APs and such), AND volunteered in India for a while, AND volunteered at shelters, AND (she listed a huge list of things, I swear), AND you know what? She has time to go shopping and she has such great style. I swear, she is the best looking nerd you will ever see. I envy her so much, I mean, I dress like a hobo, I'm struggling to get my 'A's. Yet she has gotten 4.0's every year, and I've known her all my life. God, I just don't understand how there people who can do that stuff. And you know, I'm so freakin' worried about college, I really want to go to Berkeley, but I don't do anything. And I don't even blame my parents, they've done everything to help me. Like this one time, you know how my thing is singing right? So my mom made me join this one contest thing and I would have probably gotten first place if I wasn't so stubborn and say, no I don't want to. And now that I look back, that would have looked so good on my application, because you know, no one ever does that stuff. Ugh, and I also went into the Cerritos (insert whatever she said, I don't remember) Talent Show thing and won first place for four years, but then I just stopped. Ugggh. I've s----ed myself over."
It was interesting, secretly smiling to myself. How strange. I have the strangest and smallest hope that I would also be able to go to Berkeley, but listening to this girl crack at how she thinks she won't make it into Berkeley when, as far as I know, has done more than I have. Makes me wonder, if she doesn't make it, I wonder what will happen to me. I didn't have to think about it. A lot of people in journalism has the dream of going to Berkeley, and yet again, I smile to myself quietly. In regards to overall grades, I'm probably in the 26th place among the 28 students. And as I don't try and as I silently listen to these people tear their hearts out at the thought of not making it into Berkeley, I can't help but to smile. Why? It's fascinating to watch my own life, full of opportunities, pass me by, as if I were watching my own life from a third-person's point of view.
Life, so fleeting, but I have little desire to lift my heavy feet and catch it. But if I say "little desire", does this mean I still want to make an effort to make what's disappearing in the distance mine? Heh, I thought of an interesting metaphor. You know how some Japanese (?) have like a sort of ramp with running water on it, then they put soba (?) at the top, and the noodles run down with the water, and you have to catch it in order to eat it. It's kind of like that. To eat, you must catch it, if you don't act, the chance will either float away or someone else will take it.

Daisy Bomb

Mood: happy; neutral; thoughtful
Currently: getting distracted from my mountain of history homework
Listening to: El Manana --Gorillaz

I finally went back to reading Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin and it's very interesting. It gives dying a whole different aspect, I kind of thought of the same idea, which intrigued me even more. Basically it's about this girl who dies at fifteen who then she goes to Elsewhere (Heaven, as we know it), only to learn that she was going to grow younger until she was back to being a baby, where she would then be sent back to Earth to be born. While reading, I felt something. I wasn't depressed reading about a girl who felt like she had so many things left she wanted to do back on Earth. But I wasn't too sure what emotion I had that would have made sense. I found an interesting part.

"'Were you happy?' asks Aldous.
Liz thinks about Aldous's question. 'Why do you want to know?'
'Don't worry. It's not a test. It's just something I like to ask all my advisees.'
In truth, she hadn't put much thought into whether she was happy before. She supposed that since she never thought about it, she must have been happy. People who are happy don't really need to ask themsleve if they are happy or not, do that? They just are happy, she thinks.
'I suppose I must have been happy,' Liz says. And as soon as she says it, she knows it's true. One silly errant teardrop runs out of the corner of her eye. Liz quickly brushes it away. A second tear follows, and then a third, and it isn't long before she finds she is crying."

And as I read that, I didn't feel depressed, it was more like mystified. I wondered if it was just the individual, the writer, or us. As far as I know, I've only met people who asked themselves, who've sometimes asked me if they were really happy--as if I had a response for them, especially when they didn't have a response for themself. Are there really just individuals on Earth who've never really thought of themself as unhappy or particularlly miserable, or was that just the author's doing? Or maybe, is it just us? Do we think we don't have a happy life or that we are unfortunate? Are we expecting too much out of "happiness"? Do we think too much about what happiness is and want more than we should? Or is it that life is just what it is? Unfair, cruel, mean, harsh, tough, and gives us more suffering than it gives us joy? I wonder.
I want to be Daisy.

I HAVE MICHELLE'S BACK

Mood: happy; happy
Currently: chatting with Michelle on AIM <3
Listening to: Hey, Soul Sister --Train

The one of the most awesome AIM chats ever.

Michelle 9:32 pm
i was searching for names on a baby name maker and i started contemplating what i should name my kid later on
i couldn't decide
there are too many names i like
maybe i should just put them all into one long name

Me 9:33 pm
LOL

Michelle 9:33 pm
like: emmmajanejenniferhelenpenelopethalia
XD

Me 9:34 pm
AHAHAHAHA
nice, nice
XDDDD
i really like the name emma
8DD

Michelle 9:34 pm
meee tooo

Me 9:34 pm
i don't like jennifer cause my math teacher always calls me jennifer and i'm like, it's just jenny DX

Michelle 9:35 pm
i like emma for a regular name
XD
im never gonna name my kid jennifer, cuz Fas's 1st name is jennifer
XP
blech

Me 9:35 pm
LOL
niiiice
i heard from victor you were the only one in class who was recommended for trig honors though

Michelle 9:35 pm
anyways, i think jenny sounds better than jennifer for u

Me 9:35 pm
8DDD <3

Michelle 9:36 pm
really?
hrm.
i dont think so

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~ yeah, i don't think i really look like a jennifer o_O

Michelle 9:36 pm
i dunn remember
tru

Me 9:36 pm
at any rate, thumbs up to yooou :3

Michelle 9:36 pm
u look like a jenny

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~
8DD

Michelle 9:36 pm
i'll let u read my story when i finish
XD
wait u and victor talk about me?
good things i hope?
or am i getting tooo nosy?
XD

Me 9:37 pm
of course!
8DDD
wait
first: yay, michelle's short story! <3
second: of course we talk good things about you, i'd beat the crude out of victor if you talked ill about you 8Db
third: you're not nosy :3
*if he talked ill

Michelle 9:38 pm
hahha
thanks its nice knowing i can always count on you to watch my back
XD

Me 9:39 pm
X)b
of course!
ohoho~