Silent Plight

Mood: happy; thoughtful
Currently: watching a short, sad, romance anime series
Listening to: Byousoku 5 Centimeters Episode 3 (more accurately, I'm watching it); the pattering, and occasionally, pouring rain

"a chain of short stories about their distance" it says at the end of the third episode, the last one.

The clouds moved across the sky with rapid speed, and as I stared at the floor, it turned from light to dark to light. The air stirred a bit, making the loose glass pane of the window shudder. I stood up and exited the old shed. I already knew he wouldn't come today, nor would he come tomorrow. I leaned against the wall next to the door and stared at the sky as the clouds rushed by, turning the world from light to dark to light. I also know that it was just yesterday that he moved, and yet it feels like it's been several weeks since then. It just seems so far away. The nonexistent days between yesterday and today are simply blurry and gray.

Today, in the mail I received his letter. It was full of him and for a moment it felt like he was behind me right now, though there was no way he could be here. I eagerly started a letter in return. I had so many things I wanted to tell him, to share. There was simply too many things to write down, but I wrote them all down, all along with my feelings.

Today I went to visit him, in Europe, a trip that was longer than my stay. We spent all day together, talking about all of the things we've always wanted to share. Night was falling, and I had to leave for the airport already. We stopped by the Eiffel Tower and simply stared at each other. Too aware of the time. Quietly, we kissed. I knew that we wouldn't be together. Yet those kinds of worries were drowned out for the moment because time seemed to pause then.

For the past two years, it's been constant letters and text messages. Those were the strands of our relationship. However, even with the hundreds of messages we sent one another, the distance between our hearts never decreased. Eventually, there was more and more homework, harder exams, and more demands from my everyday life. Slowly, it's become increasingly troublesome to continuously write him letters. As though faced with the same problem, I no longer receive anything in my mailbox every three days. Everyday started to grow more quiet and dull.

We were going out for three years before things ended. Yet I still love him. Every other guy who passed by me, I looked at them and smiled friendly. But in honesty, I was looking much farther beyond them, staring at what I could not reach, what I'd never be able to touch. Blundering each time I had a chance to tell him how I felt, I never took them, and so today became today. Everyday became blurry and gray.

Today I had a dream, a dream from long ago. Back to when we were young, when we stopped by the Eiffel Tower and the world seemed to have waited a moment for us. At that time we made promises we knew we could never keep. Despite it all, I still love him, even as he grew older and got engaged. I straggle on, fighting everything, though I lost my will to work and I stopped looking forward to the next day.

Today I walked down the road that headed towards the shed where I used to always meet up with him in. However, when I reached it, it was no longer there. Only grass filled the void, with bald patches of soil were revealed here and there. I crossed the train tracks, passing by a man as a did. I had a strong feeling, all of the sudden, if I turned around, he would too. From the opposite side of the tracks from where I originally was, I turned around slowly, as the yellow and black stripped bar lowered and the signal flashed, warning me of the upcoming train. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he was slowly turning towards me too. Before I could even clearly see his face, the train rushed by, throwing up the dead leaves into the air. I stood there staring at the train run past by, staring as I would have if the train never came. When the train finally passed, the spot that I was staring at was empty. The road further past that spot, the one I treaded on a moment ago, was empty. I was disappointed, and yet I smiled just a bit.

I took two steps backwards before turning around and continued walking down the fall crusted road.