Arrows Pointing in Every Direction

Mood: happy; not neutral
Currently: doing Chinese homework and diving deep into thought
Listening to: Getting Away with Murder --Papa Roach

It's amazing at how much you can relate to "you learn something new everyday." And today, it was more like a deep recognition for the obvious. Today was a small Octagon event, making posters for the cream puff sale that will take place on open house. So I was with Hee Soo and we went to Heritage after we were done. After bugging the track people while they were playing capture the flag, Hee Soo and I sat down, talking for a bit. At first, it started with a random white bunny that was running about, with children chasing it. Then there was a hummingbird Hee Soo saw that I had mistaken for a large beetle. And finally, a quiet spider, perhaps building its new home over the tables. Hee Soo and I started to float off into the past, talking about the good times of childhood and the irony of growing up. When you're a child, you tend to look towards the future, thinking, "I can't wait to drive," or "I'll be able to get my own house," or just something like that. Regardless, the common child, I believe, is usually anticipating on growing up. But as Hee Soo said, "it's not all that glamorous." And as high schoolers, we thought back to elementary school, like the time you first go on the slide, uncertain, afraid, but after trying it, it's fun, you try weird stunts like racing up the slide before sliding down again. Times when we'd pretended the woodchips in the school playground were lava, and you had to climb on the equipment from one end to another. Times when you collected woodchips and stacked them in the grass, picking yellow flowers, imaging them as your food supply as you sat next to a small fire. Yeah. Those were great times. Times when we have always wanted to be where we are now, and now we wish in vain that we could go back to those times. And that reminded me of something my sister said. "In high school, you think that elementary and middle school were the best times of your life. In college, you think it was high school, but when you're in grad school, you think college was the best." Most of us look either behind us, or look at what's ahead of us, but who really looks down at the floor they tread on? Who looks up and to the sides, appreciating or hating their surroundings?

Ahaha, funny thing that I say that about that. In math today, we took a quiz that was practically a test, and this one guy was suspected of cheating. Of course, our math teacher is really lenient (a bit too much) and told him to keep his eyes on his test. Then Travis, just this one junior in our class, said he had a teacher who said, this was really genius, "You can look up for inspiration, you can look down in desperation, but you can never look side-to-side for information." Absolutely genius, isn't it?! That totally made my day right there. My math teacher now wants a banner that says that hanging in front of the classroom. Ahaha.

"It's the small things in life that matters, we just never pay attention to them." --JJS

Well, there's that and then something that complexes me. Out of experience and partially by my own nature, I have a tendency to avoid getting involved in things that doesn't directly effect me or causes me to face great changes. As a result, it seems to me that I've been "letting the people who are wrong always win." And I wonder, is this right? The obvious answer is, no, it isn't. But what in the world is "right"? Why must it be this way? But more importantly, is it improper of me to not take action? Will I be one of those people who don't stand up for something, therefore, no change is ever made, and thus, nothing changes. Life will continue with people living in an age of darkness. But you know, there are those people who you can just categorize as a moron. Neither logic, reason, scolds, nor lectures can convince them that they are wrong, throwing back responses that make no sense at all, and I wonder if it wrong to avoid getting into a bad situation by not trying to correct them, even if their behavior threatens others' safety? I don't know, because it seems like a waste of time and breath to try correcting these people you know won't change. Why get into arguments, why fight, and why make enemies? Perhaps because these people were enemies from the very beginning . . .
Wonders beyond wonders, and each significance different from another.

Sixteen Going On Seventeen

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: eating apples while mulling over my newspaper article
Listening to: the humming of the laptop; the distant ramble of the radio

If people were reborn every year on the same day and time as the first time they were created, I suppose I would have been born for the sixteenth time on February 21, [approximately] 11:20AM.
I've been wondering for a while, what am I going to be like as I get older? Will I become more mature? Will I be more responsible? Will I look more like my mother and sister? Will my morals and beliefs change?
There was a time in elementary school where I was reading a Chinese Mashimaro comic book we got randomly on vacation, and there was a section in English. And so, I decided to read that part outloud. But I accidentally said the s-word as a result. With my sister sitting behind me at her desk, she exclaimed that I shouldn't say that word. Thus my promise with my sister that I wouldn't curse was born. However, it was actually her who has grown up to curse. Just an example of people and their fickle morals. Or perhaps, that was never a boundary for her, the censoring of vulgar words, but just an expectation for me . . .

Thank the Real Superstars

Mood: happy; thoughtful
Currently: busy, but I still felt like I had to come here record my random ponderings
Listening to: What Hurts the Most --Rascal Flatts

Goodness me, I've been so busy this week, it's not even funny. I'm looking forward to the weekend so much, but that joy has been killed when I realize that I have Chinese and art class still on Saturday. At least I plan to spend a quiet day on Sunday. Anyhow, back to my purpose here.
I was reading the article in my English textbook for homework when it mentioned the rosy periwinkle found in Madagascar, and it can be used to create medicine that seems to effectively fight off blood cancers. The article was about how we should try to preserve wildlife and such, then a line said, "Cancer specialists believe there could be at least another ten tropical forest plants with capacity to generate similar superstar drugs against other forms of cancer--provided the scientist can get them before the chainsaw of devastates their habitats." I thought about it a little, and wondered if scientists were really in tropical forests now looking for these medical plants. If there are, I wonder if the search is dangerous, in that insecure forest. Are they protected from poisonous animals and plants? Is the terrain difficult to travel on? Is there anything in that forest that can cause these scientists to extract some sort of disease? I don't really know if those brief videos that included tropical forests I've watched in history were recent or not. Actually, I'm not even sure if it really took place in a tropical forest at all. Regardless, I was just curious about the situation. Suppose if those scientists were facing dangers in that forest, looking for miraculous plants, what do they have in mind? Is it fame? Or is it the well-being of mankind? And if it were for mankind, how much would we appreciate their efforts? We'll take the medicine and live on. As time goes on, perhaps if we find some way to cure and prevent cancer some way some how, we won't think that it's so serious anymore. The people of the future will get a dulled feeling of appreciation for those brave scientists because cancer doesn't feel as scary to them with a cure by their sides. And maybe those people will take the medicine and live carelessly even after they are cured, without the appreciation for life or giving thanks to those scientists who labored over the difficult task of discovering and creating medicine for us. The world is waiting for those scientists. The rest of the world full of people who either didn't have enough skill to become a scientist, people who didn't have the passion to become a scientist, and people who didn't want the bothersome task of being a scientist. People are waiting for scientists. Waiting to take the things they have been given with little intention of giving back.

"I cried while wondering, 'if I protect them, who will protect me?'" --

Life's Not a Black Hole

Mood: happy; moody
Currently: remembering why I've used to hate going to sleep
Listening to: Supermassive Black Hole --Muse

Anything in life can be considered a "waste of time" or "stupid".
"Playing that game is a waste of time, it's so stupid." Since when did playing a game have some sort of special and significant meaning behind it? Heck, what is "significant" and what's not a "waste of time" anyways? Reading a book? Why is it so special? Because it makes us "smarter"? Is it a more productive way of using our time because we think more while processing words and attempting to find a deeper meaning behind them? What's the point in being "smart"? We have more knowledge, have better debate support, sharper comebacks, snottier remarks, and know what to do in certain situations? Depressing thought or perhaps not, sometimes I don't know what's so special about living. I breath and see. I can taste things, I can feel things physically and mentally. Life is a miracle I don't know why bothers happening sometimes. I'm not depressed, nor do I feel like my life is meaningless, I honestly don't understand why.
And my questions are ones that can't be explained through facts, perhaps, but the cliche "What's the meaning of life?" question rolls in here. To get a good education and find a nice job? What's the point of learning? To live a better future? And what's that to accomplish? Raise a family and create a new generation to wander about life? Is it to be safer? Accidents happen all the time, and the people who don't learn will cause those accidents, and no matter how safe we proceed, things we don't see will hit us. To not hurt others? Physically or mentally, we'll always continue hurting others. A special moment we have, it may end up hurting others. A careless remark one makes can drive another into winding depression. Our human nature will always make us hurt each other and we can't avoid it. We can only hope we can realize we wronged another and apologize for our actions.
Honestly, thinking just makes my head spin, and sadly enough, I shouldn't even be talking about any of this. What do I know? I'm on the crossroad in which the train is going to hit 16. I'm too young to talk about topics as broad as human nature and life since, in reality, I don't know anything at all. I suppose arrogance should have a limit.

"'A nosebleed is the perspiration of the heart!' [Toradora episode 3] . . . 'Crying is a nosebleed from the heart.' . . . 'But I've realized something. If you trip while running down a hallway, you'll get a nosebleed. If you trip in life, you cry.'
'Are you stupid? It's still too early for us to be talking about life. From now on, for 10 years, for 20 years, for 60 years, life will go on.' [Toradora episode 24]"


Hanging by a Moment. Darkness Eyes. Aozora no Namida. Numb. Suffocate.

Accidents Don't have to be Bad

Mood: happy; conflicted; thoughtful; slightly depressed
Currently: watching Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu episode 6
Listening to: Perfect-Area Complete --Aso Natsuko [Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu OP]

"The magic in a poem is always accidental. No poet would labor intensively upon the intricate craft of poetry unless he hoped that, suddenly, the accident of magic would occur.
. . . The miraculous thing about miracles is that they do sometimes happen. And the best poem is that whose worked-upon unmagical passage come closest . . . to those moments of magical accident." --"On Poetry" by Dylan Thomas [found in 10th grade The Writer's Craft, page 358].

I need a self-discovery trip. Or just a trip by myself to somewhere far away . . .

Scream to the Music

Mood: happy; neutral
Currently: doing chemistry homework which I don't get!!!
Listening to: Zetsubou Billy --MAXIMUM THE HORMONE

Don't you ever feel like scream-o music just understands how you feel?
Today wasn't too exciting. Running until I felt like barfing in P.E. Switching seats in English (I sit next to Diana, ew. Ahahaha, just kidding, I love you, Diana!). Finishing up on my page in Journalism. Epically failed the two openers in math today. History was boring as ever. Had a Spanish test that I feel like wasn't too bad, so I have my hopes up for an 'A', perhaps? Normally I have a 'B'-'C' average on my tests, so getting a good grade on this one will set me off to a good start this semester!

Heart Beat, Heat Beat, Cold Beat

Mood: happy; depressed; confused; feeling like I need to cry
Currently: doing homework; trying to figure out how to change
Listening to: Suffocate --Elsa Chapman

I need to grow a heart that won't stop beating.