Just Because I Don't Like You

Mood: happy; overwhelmed; stressed
Currently: working on homework (sort of)
Listening to: Cantarella --Kaito & Miku

I feel like someone gathered up a really heavy object and dropped it on my heart. All through today, I've been listening to people talk crude about others. Zero period Chemistry, the teacher turned on the television so the news was showing as we did our work. There was so many cases about how people killed someone else because they didn't like them. I really didn't get it. Then it was second period English, and I sitting there, listening to two people sitting right next to me complain about this other person. One described how annoying she was and another agreed, further backing it up with even more bad examples that person has done. Throughout class, it slowly started to bug me more and more. Certainly this person doesn't sound like a nice person, or one someone I'd want to hang out with, but must you so angrily degrade her name? In third period Journalism, this one girs in front of me was talking to her friend about how this one person kept bugging her with her personality alone, along with a long combo of curse words. Fifth period History, since my class was so crazy, they convinced our teacher to let us work outside. At first, I was sitting happily at a table by myself, in my relatively quiet solitude doing my work. Then these two girls and a guy moved to my table, since they were messing around at their original ones, and the chatter began. The guy didn't talk much, it was really just the two girls. I've realized, I only heard girls talk crude about people. That doesn't really make me proud to be a female at this point . . . Anyhow, I understood what that girl was complaining about. Her boyfriend cheated on her six times, and why shouldn't she be mad? Although, I feel like she should have broke up with him the first time. Then she went on about the girl her boyfriend liked behind her back. She went on about how she wasn't pretty, she was flat-chested, and that she wanted to hit her. At that point, I wondered again, why would someone do that. Apparently their reason was that, "She's a b----." All this negativity brought me down.
On the brighter side, I hanged out with my friends today for the first time in forever (which was Halloween, really). We went to Town Center and such to hang out. Although, I was being crazy, obsessed with finishing my homework as soon as possible, so I was doing homework while walking (I'm starting to get better at doing that ever since I joined journalism). I did manage to finish my math cumulative review, though! Except I have a bunch of other homework I have to do. Ick. Thankfully there's no school tomorrow and I have that time to work. Then again, maybe it's not "thankfully". I still need information on school events for the newspaper, and my deadline is strictly Thursday. I really don't want to email my cheif-in-editor explaining why I couldn't get the job done, I simply don't.
Speaking of journalism, I was asked a good question a day or two ago. Do I really want to continue journalism even though it's such a pain? It would look good for college if I went on all the way until senior year, but can I take it? It's rather stressful and I don't think I do a great job. I suck at editting (because my grammar is bad) and I'm more of a narrative writer than a straight-news writer. I think we need to get teacher recommendations again to join next year, and as far as I can see, I don't think any of my teachers will give me any favoring recommendations. Plus, if I don't take journalism next year, I can take another class that perhaps I'd enjoy more, perhaps ceramics? I'm not sure. However, I've recorded my classes for next year and pretty much everything on the list is graduation required, with the addition of journalism. I'm feelig doubtful whether or not to join. Then again, college. I've been stressing a lot about college, too. I wanted to go to Berkeley, since their English program intrigued me, but their recommended GPA is too high. What do I need? I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it was over a 4.0 though, that's for sure. I don't even have a 4.0 at all! Nevermind a 4.2, or whatever it was. Not only that, I don't do much out of school. Instruments? No, I quit both the flute and piano. Sports? If you count going to summer practice for cross country and never offically joining. Volunteering? I failed to do even that much. Any other kinds of extra stuff outside of school? Just art class, and I guess you could add Chinese school in the equation. However, just that, I doubt I'll stand out, though. Journalism doesn't make me that much more special, but it's something. Argh, I don't even know anymore.

Strike Back

Mood: happy; slightly stressed out
Currently: wondering if Hee Soo will mind that I stole her post format
Listening to: Justice of Light --Mayumi Gojo [Seiken No Blacksmith OP]

I totally stole the way Hee Soo formats her blogs. Why? I just felt like it. And since I discovered an option where I can preformat my blog posts, so I wanted to try it out . . . Yeah, I'm basically just messing around with my blog half the time. I got all my archives up, buddy tags, my cbox, and of course my counter (though I don't remember if the numbers are exactly right).
Today was pretty okay. I've been running around a lot because of journalism. I have to do the briefs section of the newspaper (bottome of front page, in the box titled, "Fast Facts", if anyone ever reads it) and I have to talk to the people in ASB so I get more information about certain events. Half the time at snack, no one is ever in there. At lunch, today, I went and no one knew what I needed to know, so I have to go there right away during the beginning of lunch to catch the right people. Since apparently all the ASB members have class there fifth period. What I've really been stressing about, though, is my actual article. I had to either choose to write an article on New Moon the movie or have no article this issue, so obviously, I got stuck with New Moon. At first, I thought it would be pretty easy. Write when the movie releases and then give a summary of it. Then I remembered that New Moon is the one where a huge chunk of stuff happens, so that makes my job harder already. Not only that, I feel like my article is going to be too short if I just try say that much. My deadline is tomorrow. I'm a tad panicked. Thankfully I was smart enough to go back to the journalism room and ask for an extension on the briefs when I found the ASB room locked.
Besides my complaints about journalism, I have a bunch of stuff due on Thursday, I realized. I have my English essay, my briefs, math cumulative review packet, history chapter worksheet, and history summary packet. I imagine chaos coming my way on Wednesday.
I better get started on homework then.

Rebirth

First post on my new blog, yay! Yeah, that was pretty much all I wanted to say . . . Wait, no, I always wanted to say, according to my archives off to the side, this would be my 100th post on this blog. I'm so confused.

101th post

Whoa. I just realized that on the dashboard, under my blog name and stuff, it says how many posts you have and when you last published. So I just glanced at it, clicked on "New Post". Then I was like, "Wait, what?" I went back and what I saw was true! Yes, my last post way actually my 100th post! Woot! This is an amazing achievement for me since I've always failed to keep stuff like diaries and stuff updated. I actually have a Wordpress, too, but yeah, I probably posted maybe twice. Anyhow, I feel so accomplished. Seven months of relatively consistent posting! I wonder if I'll last another five months.
Oh, and I didn't say earlier, but anyways, yeah, my blog template has change! I wanted to use this: [ x ], but for some reason it wouldn't work! It suits my blog URL name so well, too! I seriously wish I knew how to make it work. Maybe I'll look into it one day.

Fireworks in the Rain

Can't sleep. So after several weeks of dreading staying up this late for many reasons, now I'm just sitting here. Doing pretty much nothing. I was going to do math, but after I opened the book, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.
It's not like I have any complaints though. I'm pretty much satisfied with my life right now, I'm sure you all know why. I feel so awkward when I was reading some of my old posts. I always knew what I wrote was depressing, but man was it so depressing! Yes, pointing out the obvious is fun. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the people who actually read my blog. I mean, who wants to read a blog where the person is always saying that life is meaningless and says something borderline suicidal? Yeah, I'm so excited to read more.
Moving onto the present, the bright side of all this darkness, I seem to have found the pep in my step again! I've always wanted to use that phrase. Anyhow, yeah, I'm pretty sure my insomnia is back. I feel like I'm more hyper and cheery at school despite the lack of sleep. And, of course, I have gone back to appreciating the little things in life.
So in honor of the rebirth and sparkle in my life, a poem! If you know what I'm talking about in my poem, I congratulate you. Because sometimes I felt like even I didn't even understand what I was writing.

Fireworks

Rain splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Vivid red made my heart beat faster.
Cheerful orange made me wonder.
Bright yellow made me smile.
Curious green made me confused.
Solemn blue made me feel awkward.
Royal purple made me feel on top of the world.

Gray clouds loomed everywhere.
The colors faded, wilted, and died.
I threw open the curtains,
And there was an explosion of fireworks.

Yet rain still splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Don't you think these fireworks
Are so pretty
Even if it's late?
Emotions so loud
I tried to keep them silent
But the booms of colors
Made me explode.

Colors alighted around.
Just what does this mean?
I don't expect an answer,
But, I still need to scream.
I need to get this thank you
Out so the heavens can hear.

Thank you
For the ability to see again,
I love the colors in the sky.
Thank you
For bring tears to my eyes,
The sight is just too beautiful.
Thank you
For this explosion of feelings,
That lighted the whole world.
Thank you
For never letting the fireworks fade away.

Best Day. Ever.

November 5, 2009. 11:37PM. Anticipating, expectant, slightly hopeful, nervous.
November 5, 2009. 11:39PM. Shocked, surprised, confused, denial, realization, happy, trembling, overjoyed, on-top-of-the-world, jumping off the walls, I-would-scream-in-happiness-if-my-dad-wasn't-sleeping mode, life-couldn't-get-any-better mood, this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life feeling.
Suffice to say. November 5. Of 2009. At 11:39PM. Despite the fact that it was 21 minutes away from midnight. November 5. Was indeed. The best day of my 15-year old life. Best. Day. No matter what cruddy things happened to me earlier on that day. It's been overruled. Even if my day started from awful. It's now awesome. I don't even remember what I did. But it was definitely an awesome day. A beautiful day. A wonderful day. A terrific day it was! What did I do? NO CLUE. But it doesn't matter. It was, to put it simply, an absolutely-positively-awesome-possum-blossom-tremendous-stupendous-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day. November 5 is the best day ever. November is a wonderful month. 5 is a wonderful number. When you combine them, it's just the most incredible thing. Ever. Am I repeating myself too much? I'm repeating myself too much. Okay.

Song in Praise of Colors

Irodori no Sanka (Song in Praise of Colors) --Kagrra
[ x ]

You sigh and lower your gaze on this endless journey,
Not even knowing about turning around.
You kill your voice and hide your body,
Trying to hide the festering wounds
Only slows down the healing.
Raise your head.
The sky shines in azure.
The land praises the growing prayers.
Sometimes people lose their precious things without noticing,
But, in the distance, a light is shining.
The tears of sadness are constantly carried away by time,
And under the flag of "freedom",
We repeat our mistakes.
Even though we're born divided into white, black, red, and yellow,
There are no differences in our wishing voices.
The sky shines in azure.
The land praises the growing prayers.
People are always blown by the wind
And keep singing their words which are overflowing with love,
The light softly embraces them.
Even if, in this world, all life will someday stop and end up in nothing,
On the last day, I just want to embrace you in my heart
And then smile.
Human beings are all roaming travelers,
Without any aim inside their solitude.
But I guess they will notice someday
They are not all alone, but just on their own.
The light will always wait, narrowing your eyes.