Warmth

Mood: happy; neutral; thoughtful
Currently: still pretty much doing nothing but talking on AIM
Listening to: Tabi no Tochuu --Kiyoura Natsumi

Random, but not random thought (but actually it is random . . .), you know what I missed about childhood the most? No, it's not the stress-less days, with small bits of homework and easy tests, somehow it isn't anyways. And no, it's not recess, those few minutes of playing and being carefree. I don't miss the days where I would use my blanket to make a tent to hide under with my sister, and then share the cookies I stole from the pantry. I don't miss those times where I cut the cardboard boxes so that they looked like a castle. And I don't mourn for the days where I'd pretend the apple decorations hanging on the Christmas tree were real and collect them from the branches, then hide them on the limbs again to find later. Actually, what I truly miss about childhood are those feelings of being under someone's wing. At night, my mother would always tuck me into bed, kiss me on the forehead and tell me to have sweet dreams. And when I had a bad dream, I would selfishly wake up my father, and he would lie next to me in bed, stroking my hair until I fell asleep. Warmth, comfort, security, sometimes I feel like they've washed away slowly, and I would wake up for the blood-streaked dream with tears in my eyes. Then I would silently, half-heartedly comfort myself, and drift off into another violent dream again. Lately I've had some more pleasant dreams of school, with my friends abound. I'd think of laughter and smiles, and one particular kind hug. But I'd always wake up in the night, with the image gone from my head. I then would proceed to hug my stuffed animal, and with its cold surface pressing aganist my skin, I'd wish it were warm.

Promises

Mood: happy; sad; mournful
Currently: doing math homework that's due Tuesday; going to bed soon
Listening to: Da Cheng Xiao Ai --Leehom Wang

Why do I remember that day? Years ago when Stephany Lee, a girl I hanged out with during the fourth grade, was still around. That specific day her parents took us to Chucky Cheese to play. Afterwards, we went to a small Korean barbecue restaurant they knew. I feel like I remember the details of that day too well. Stephany leaned over in her chair to tell me, half laughing, that her dad just told her that he thought I was wearing lipstick (in elementary school, my lips were naturally very red). I laughed along with her. Later, when the waiter gave us our water, Stephany looked at me, turned away, then quickly looked back at me. She started laughing abruptly and I looked at her with a confused face. She told me that for some reason, the red plastic spring I got as a prize from Chucky Cheese's looked like a cup. In her mind, she told me that she wondered how I got such a special cup. We shared another laugh again. We were eating when her father offered me a small dish of sauce, though telling me that it was spicy. I told him that I didn't like spicy things, however, but he persisted, telling me I should try just a dab. I gave in, dipping my chopsticks in the red mixture. In a few seconds, I made a grab for my ice water and gave a mighty glup. I held the cup's edge near my mouth and let out a sigh. I noticed a huge puff of visible air disappear. I commented how it was almost like I was breathing fire. We all laughed and proceeded to eat. My flashback ends there. But then I remember back to other times. Going to CPE and swimming with her during the summer. I remember buying a cookie from the vending machine and splitting it with her in the back of my mom's car. She then sneezed loudly and I asked if she was cold. She just said that she sneezed in the summer for some reason. We shrugged it off and proceeded to nibble on the cookie delicately. We went to my house to play with my Polly Pocket dolls. I still have a picture of us that day. I was in a long, soft, velvet-colored dress while Stephany wore jeans and her signature snuggly green vest. Another time, I remember being in her room, and she was sharing her cute collection of stamps she had with me. There was a sheet of stickers with dogs that felt fuzzy when you touched them.
They were good times. Memories I hope to never forget. Though I wish they never had to stop, those moments together. Selfish as I am, I wished her mom didn't have to get pregnant, and I wished Stephany did have to live so far away, because then she wouldn't have transferred. Binds that tie us are frail, lines of fate are easily severed now, aren't they? Just more the reason why it's so frightening to say goodbye. What if it was for the last time? It was a heartache when I went to school the next day, and she's wasn't there. I went to her home and she wasn't there, she moved. I called, but no one answered, the number's changed. Emails never got through. I never got to say goodbye again. Though what I want is just to say hi once more and talk and laugh.
"Dear Jenny, Always remember that I'll be your best friend forever. Love, Stephany Lee."
Of course, I'll remember, you idiot. Dangit. I'm more worried whether or not you remember.