The Spirit of Alice Lives Forever

Mood: happy; sad-ish
Currently: still hyper
Listening to: Heartbeat --2PM [ x ] (Hee Soo. I still. love the dance. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT. [Hairspray] Appropriate for this song and moment, no?)

Don't you guys hate leaving a really festive place and life seems so quiet and lonely? That's why I don't ever have a birthday party anymore. I mean, yeah, I want to have fun with my friends on the day I was born, but then when everyone is gone, I feel so depressed, replaying every moment of the party in my head over and over. Even though my ears hurt every time someone screamed, but it was still lively and stuff, you know? I'd rather hang out with my crazy friends, slowly growing deaf then live in my boring house. I can never share my excitement with anyone in this house, I swear. My parents are way too into their Korean dramas (with Chinese subtitles). My sister is almost never home, and even if she was, half the time, she's staring at her computer screen as I am now. Even if I try to talk to them, they usually get annoyed at me for bothering them. My room would be so quiet if I wasn't playing music. Music. It saves my life. Seriously.
On a happier note, today was so crazy. First thing first, Yasmin's birthday party. It was Alice in Wonderland themed where Alice gets murdered and we have to find the murderer. So anyhow, my parents were driving me and Michelle to Yasmin's house, and I swear, worst traffic jam I have been in for the first time in like, a year (going to school for 0 period, the road is like practically reserved for you, the only thing I'll miss about 0 period). So we were stuck there for about 10-25 minutes? It was all because the city spends too much money on road paving! Geez, they should use that money for better things. Anyhow, then we got onto the freeway, and there was traffic there too! And I was like, dude, we're 30 minutes late! Then Michelle and I were all commenting how Hee Soo, the white rabbit, was probably already there when she's supposed to be the rabbit who's like, "I'm late!" and all. Then we all looked at Michelle's gift, cheesecake that she made, and the M&M's were like bleeding. Seriously. The cream on top was probably melting a little, so the colors were all dripping and mixing together. Ahaha.
So once we finally got to Yasmin's house, we saw this jumper, and as expected, Hee Soo was already there. Then we had to go through the jumper, the "rabbit hole" (I thought that was so cute/clever, ahaha), and I was all failing because my shoes were on and everything, so I got kind of stuck after climbing this wall and before sliding down. I was all like pretending to be exhausted and stuff, so the people who already got to the party was like, "You can do it, Jenny!" I eventually got down, but I was all being dramatic, saying how that was the most dangerous thing in my life. Ahaha.
When I got off the jumper, everyone was kind of gathered around this table with a chessboard on it, and the pieces were like five times bigger than normal ones. It was so cool, I wanted to buy it off Yasmin, but I don't think she'll sell it to me. Oh well. Anyhow, so we waited for more people to come, then we finally got things rolling.
For lunch, or whatever it was, we had pizza and sushi! Strange combination, but it was good. Heh, Yasmin was eating her pizza with chopsticks, I thought that was pretty funny. Anyhow, Yasmin passed out paper stating our opinion of Alice and our alibi, telling us if we were guilty or not. At the table, there was:
Yasmin: Alice, of course.
Me: Queen of Hearts, now prostrate at my feet in fear.
Athalia: Cheshire Cat, with her cute tail.
Cathy (Yasmin's cousin): White Pawn, dude, she had that one thing around her neck, what are those called?! I want one, just for the heck of it. Ahaha.
Diana: Dormouse, her ears were so cute. They were bunny ears, but she folded them so that they were short enough to be a mouse's.
Hee Soo: White Rabbit, she stole Yasmin's hat with rabbit ears, which looked so cool.
Michelle: Ace of Hearts, my right-hand soldier! Though she sat at my left. Ahaha.
Revathi: Duchess, she stole Yasmin's skirt that Yasmin wore on Halloween as the White Rabbit.
Shruthi: March Hare, she was later than all of us!
Victor: Caterpillar, he wore all blue. Heh.
Felix: Mad Hatter, he came at the very end of the party, though!
So we all had to read the paper as to what we thought about Alice and our alibi to figure who murdered Alice. My alibi was that I was at the trial who the Stolen Tarts, my stolen tarts. Whoever stole them, it'll be OFF WITH HIS/HER HEAD! Ahaha. I loved using that line today.
When everyone read their stuff, we mainly accused the Duchess, the White Rabbit, and me. Then when Shruthi finally showed up, we started to accuse the White Rabbit and the March Hare. When we finally voted on who we thought was the murderer, it was a tie between the two rabbits. In the end, Athalia called Felix for what he voted for. In the end, Hee Soo, the White Rabbit, was accused, and executed apparently, even though she fought to defend herself until the very end. She even called Felix again to try and persuade him that she was innocent. Ahaha. Then we all announced what we did in the end (Athalia read Victor's because he had to leave early). In reality, it was March Hare, Shruthi, who murdered Alice! Dun dun duuuuun. Then Hee Soo was like, "See, I told you guys! You guys got me killed!"
Afterward we had a race on the jumper. Everyone did pretty good, but in the end, Yasmin conquered us all, getting a time of about 17 seconds or something. That was pro skills right there, and she was wearing a dress, too. I bet she practiced all day. Ahaha. I got a time of like, 23 seconds. Dude, when I tried to get through the entrance, I got like, stuck, so I tripped. Then I jumped over this hurdle thing and ran into the wall. Then I tried to climb up the wall, but I went way too slow, I slide down, crashed into the end wall, then yeah. It was crazy fun though, even though I kept failing.
We mingled on the slide for a bit, pushing each other off the slide, and crashing into each other. It was pretty dangerous, really, but still fun. We had so many, "I saw my life flashing before my eyes" moments.
Next we played I Have Never, and I think I tied with Cathy, Hee Soo, and Yasmin. I'm not too sure because everyone ran off randomly. Then I stole the Nerf Sword Diana was clinging onto all day, but eventually it got into Shruthi's hands, and she gave me this sort of funny glare/smile, so I was like, "OH MY GOSH, SHE HAS THE EYES OF A MURDERER." Ahahaha. Get it? You know, the March Hare (AKA Shruthi) was Alice's murderer. Ahaha. Yeah, okay, but it was funny during the moment!
We played on the slide more, then I asked Leo (Yasmin's brother) for the other Nerf Sword so Michelle and I could duel. I swear. Most intense thing you'll ever see. We were all like slapping the swords together to produce this loud kind of clap, and oh my goodness. Intense stuff. We switched off with other people now and then (dude, Yasmin is vicious, she goes right in for the kill, but she always runs off when someone accidentally hits her hand), but mostly it was me and Michelle. After a while, Hee Soo and Diana suggested we have war cries, so Michelle was like, "FOR NARNIAAA!!!" and I was like, "SPARTAAAA!!! (I forgot the 'for', ahaha)". It was crazy. I was sweating like crazy, oh my goodness, I'm not even joking. I haven't worked up a sweat for so long, I think Michelle and I burned off all the food we ate. I won pretty much all the round against her, except for the last round, she finally got me. Ahaha. Dude, Michelle kept hitting my thigh when we win after hitting the opponent's stomach, and I'm like, "I would have been dead five hits ago if you aimed higher!" There were lots of epic fails, like the swords missing each other, so it was like we were hacking at the air. Then in the first round, Michelle charged in for the strike, but then she slipped on one foot, and it kind of looked like she was preparing to do the splits. The last round, we were fighting, but then her grip slipped from the sword handle, and it fell onto the ground. Ahaha. Oh yeah, we even fought in those weird olden day duels (but with guns and stuff), where we are back to back, take three steps, then turn around and fight. Ahaha. I swear, I want to duel Michelle again one day. It was just crazy. Though my arms are probably going to be sore tomorrow, and I might have blisters on my feet (I took off my shoes to run around freely), but it's all good. What's life without a bit of danger, adventure, and pain?
Michelle and I were so into our sword fight, we never got to eat cake. Ahaha. It's all good though. Speaking of cake though, we gathered around Yasmin to sing happy birthday to her and stuff, and afterward, Athalia was telling Yasmin to take a bite out of the cake. After a brief chanting of, "bite it," she leaned in to do it when Athalia charged in to smash Yasmin's face into the cake. She was so close, but ended up just ruffling up Yasmin's hair because Yasmin probably saw it coming and retaliated. So close. I was waiting for it too. I had the best view too. Ahaha. Too bad though.
Hrmm, what else happened.
We played on the slide some more. Seriously, the jumper slide was crazy fun, we kept trying to push people off and grabbing someone by the ankle so we'll drag them down with us. Ahaha. This one time, Michelle, Hee Soo, Revathi, Diana, and I were all sitting at the top of the slide, singing random songs like, "Be a Man" from Mulan and "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. I kept singing out of key though, because my voice was getting hoarse from all the yelling, screaming, and battle cries. Ahaha.
Oh, and Yasmin's dad brought out their super cool telescope and we got a glance at the moon's craters. It was so beautiful. I want to learn some stuff about astronomy one day.
Before leaving, I had a chess battle against Felix. I would have won if I didn't have to leave! I'll have my rematch with him, ONE DAY. Heh, but after a while, Diana and Hee Soo kept saying something about winning in three turns, but I was seriously? Because I didn't see it, though their plan was kind of like what I had planned, but it wouldn't have worked unless it was at leave five turns, so I never really got what they were talking about. The plan didn't work in the end, so I couldn't win quickly. I had to leave the game in Hee Soo's hands before running out to Michelle's dad's car, shouting, "I'LL HAVE MY REMATCH AGAINST YOU, FELIX. ONE DAY. ONE DAAAAY. I'LL HAVE MY REVEEEEENGE." I think I disturbed the neighborhood. Ahaha, my bad, but hey, I had five cotton candies. You guys, don't get cotton candy if you aren't going to finish it! Ahaha.
Once in the car, I felt like I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. My bag. I ran out of the car, burst in through the gates saying, "FELIX, I'M BACK FOR MY REVENGE!" Then everyone was like, "what the heck?!" But I ran off to grab my back, bad a run for the car again shouting, "I'LL CHALLENGE YOU SOME OTHER DAY, FELIX, JUST YOU WAIT." Ahaha. Sorry, Yasmin, if your neighbors complain to you guys tomorrow. Ehehe.
On the way home, Michelle and I chatted a bit, going through the goodie bags we got right before leaving. Michelle opened it and was like, "Crunch! My favorite! How did Yasmin know?!" So I was like, "She's psychic, she inherited my magical powers." Ahaha. Then later, I suggested everyone wear their heart necklace thing to school, so we can all be like, "Power Rangers! Unite!" Ahaha. Okay everyone? Bring it. Or else. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Ahaha.
When I got home, I took a shower right away, since my feet were dirty from running around Yasmin's backyard all afternoon. When I turned on the water, my ankle stung (I noticed during I Have Never that the skin of my ankle peeled off a little). I bet it was from the jumper slide! That thing was dangerous(ly fun)! Ahaha. Then again, it was probably because I was wearing an anklet too. Regardless, it's not that bad of an injury. So yeah.
Good times, good times. The spirit of the murdered Alice sure knows how to throw a crazy party. Ahaha.
EDIT: FUDGE, I FORGOT TO DISTRACT YASMIN SO I COULD GET EVERYONE TO SIGN THE BACK OF THE TOTE BAG I GOT HER. FUDGE. EPIC FAIL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I HAVE MICHELLE'S BACK

Mood: happy; happy
Currently: chatting with Michelle on AIM <3
Listening to: Hey, Soul Sister --Train

The one of the most awesome AIM chats ever.

Michelle 9:32 pm
i was searching for names on a baby name maker and i started contemplating what i should name my kid later on
i couldn't decide
there are too many names i like
maybe i should just put them all into one long name

Me 9:33 pm
LOL

Michelle 9:33 pm
like: emmmajanejenniferhelenpenelopethalia
XD

Me 9:34 pm
AHAHAHAHA
nice, nice
XDDDD
i really like the name emma
8DD

Michelle 9:34 pm
meee tooo

Me 9:34 pm
i don't like jennifer cause my math teacher always calls me jennifer and i'm like, it's just jenny DX

Michelle 9:35 pm
i like emma for a regular name
XD
im never gonna name my kid jennifer, cuz Fas's 1st name is jennifer
XP
blech

Me 9:35 pm
LOL
niiiice
i heard from victor you were the only one in class who was recommended for trig honors though

Michelle 9:35 pm
anyways, i think jenny sounds better than jennifer for u

Me 9:35 pm
8DDD <3

Michelle 9:36 pm
really?
hrm.
i dont think so

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~ yeah, i don't think i really look like a jennifer o_O

Michelle 9:36 pm
i dunn remember
tru

Me 9:36 pm
at any rate, thumbs up to yooou :3

Michelle 9:36 pm
u look like a jenny

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~
8DD

Michelle 9:36 pm
i'll let u read my story when i finish
XD
wait u and victor talk about me?
good things i hope?
or am i getting tooo nosy?
XD

Me 9:37 pm
of course!
8DDD
wait
first: yay, michelle's short story! <3
second: of course we talk good things about you, i'd beat the crude out of victor if you talked ill about you 8Db
third: you're not nosy :3
*if he talked ill

Michelle 9:38 pm
hahha
thanks its nice knowing i can always count on you to watch my back
XD

Me 9:39 pm
X)b
of course!
ohoho~

February Showers

Mood: happy; neutral; enthusiastic
Currently: sipping hot chocolate
Listening to: Hey! Don't Bring Me Down --DBSK

Drinking hot chocolate on a cold, rainy day like today is a must, in my book anyways. I just love how the hot-warm, sweet liquid slides down my throat, and my neck and chest feels all warm as the drink travels down into my stomach, which later, also feel warm.
There's just so much I feel like saying. I was finally in a good mood in zero period chemistry today.
First period P.E., Junior Christine (the one with really long hair and different colored knee-long socks) has a serious conversation with me while walking around the perimeter of the gym. I love it how she was so into it. Anyhow, based off the animated show, Avatar: The Last Air Bender, Hollywood is making a movie. However, this Asian society is being played by an all Caucasian crew, with the exception of the Indian antagonist. Christine spoke in a charismatic voice on how Hollywood is just blatantly racist, and are trying to tell Asian-American actors don't belong in Hollywood. One actor, playing Sokka, who was asked how he felt playing the role of someone of a different race, his simple response was, "Well, I guess I have to get a tan." Rude. Another person was asked about his thoughts on how the movie is being played by an all-white cast and the huge protests about it said, "Well, think of it this way, why are they here?" Dumb. Avatar fans have been distraught, and seemed to have turned to the website: www.racebending.com [ x ] to talk about how they want justice, get updates, and sign a petition to stop the movie. Obviously touched by Christine's passion, agreed to help spread the word about this, I've also considered bringing this up next issue for the school newspaper. I still chuckle when I remember what Christine said to me when I said I'd bring up the idea during the next brainstorming: "God bless the mother who bore you into this world." She's in drama.
Second period English was okay. We didn't get a seat change as I hoped, but our teacher said she might change tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that (is kind of scared of the girl who sits next to me).
Third period journalism was chaos. So we needed about a 1000 people survey about Sadies, as requested by ASB, on whether or not if you went and if you didn't why, such and such like that. So everyone who wasn't a page editor was dragged away from whatever they were doing to run around school, go to every classroom to ask people to take the survey. Me, having no preference as to where I go, did not have to go to any classroom. Instead, I had to go to the office, library, and intercept people in the hallways to ask people to take the survey. It was interesting asking random people about the survey, and I was a bit shocked at how fluently I was able to ask these strangers to take the survey and explained to them what it was all about.
Snack I just ate my lunch and spent time with my boyfriend, taking a break from working on my page.
Fourth period pre-calculus: Boring as always. Last to finish the opener as always. My chapter sheet shows I got TWO perfect opener scores. It's a miracle.
Fifth period history: Boring. Finished my Spanish homework.
Lunch: Helped count the surveys for extra credit and page deadline extension. Took forever though, and we're still not done.
Sixth period Spanish: I barely made it into class on time due to stupid journalism (I haven't done a 100-200m dash in a long time). You should have seen me, I was running surprisingly fast for a person with a relatively large backpack and two textbooks in her arms. I practically skid to a stop in front of the Spanish classroom door, causing my hair to fall and hang disgustingly in front of my face, and opened the door. I took a moment to take a deep breath and organize my hair, then hurriedly rushed to my seat just as the bell rang. Did the wrong third page for homework. Failed at reading Spanish.
After school: Went to journalism again, as always. Worked on my page like crazy. Almost done (seems like I don't need to stay after school everyday until Friday now). I hope I finish my page soon so I can finally see the outside world during snack and lunch.
When I left the room around nearly 4PM, it was a bit dark outside and pouring rain. I pulled out my umbrella and trudged through the deserted campus. It was actually a little adventure for me to get to my locker and then to the parking lot. I held the umbrella tightly as the wind thrashed the air crazily, my hair flapped all around my face up to a 90 degree angle. I gritted my teeth at the cold wind and rain, yet I had a strange, wide smile on my face. It was a bit thrilling being out there, and it truly felt like a small adventure.

To English To Spanish To Chinese

Mood: happy; bloop
Currently: working on my Chinese essay
Listening to: the humming of the computer; the ticking of the clock; the occasional rain that patters on the rooftop

For some reason, when I tell my boyfriend (mi novio, wo3 de nan2 peng3 you3) that I love him (yo lo amo, wo3 ai4 ta1) in a different language, my heart (mi corazón, wo3 de xin1) races even faster than before.
<3

This is a Day

Mood: happy; neutral; amused
Currently: spazzing about how much work I have, yet I'm blogging...
Listening to: Kiss~ Kaerimichi no Love Song --Tegomass [Lovely Complex ED1]

Today was pretty good. Sketch-out of my day:
0 period//Chemistry: I was tired as always, but I understood what we were learning, so it's all good. But I got back my quiz we took yesterday and I got 10/20. Ouch, an 'F', not going to be pretty on my grade. Most of it was a bunch of dumb mistakes, too! Argh, next time!
1 period//P.E.: Cold morning. Wet grass. Mass of obnoxious guys+special ed. students amongst five girls. Pleasant. As if. Though, lacrosse isn't all so bad in my opinion, at least I can play decently without me having to risk slipping on the wet grass/mud. Also, my team is really nice and actually toss me the ball now and then. On the downside, we used to have this really good player on our team, but he joined football, therefore, switching out of 1 period P.E. And then, there's this other guy who joined our class just like, yesterday, and poor him, got hit by a car this morning while he was biking to school. I hope he's okay, I heard that he was sent to the hospital and everything. May guardian angels watch over him.
2 period//English: Grumpy-ish as usual, I'm never particularly happy in the morning, really. Though I do cheer up then and now because of my dear classmates, though other times they just kind of annoy me . . . Everyone always badmouths the teacher, but I don't really see what they're talking about. Our teacher has a different way of talking, which involves her voice octave going up and down, but hey, it's better than monotone to me.
3 period//Journalism: Bleh. So our school newspaper uses the program InDesign to format the pages and such. So all the new members of journalism learn how to use InDesign second semester to prepare in becoming potential page editors next year. Though, I don't know if I want to join next year or not. Anyhow, so we're learning how to use InDesign, and let me just say this, I feel like a huge chunk of my brain just blew up. In addition to just learning the basics, we have to recreate last issue's front page. Fun project, no? I'll have fun drowning in that class for the next week, with the addition of being in there during snack, lunch, and after school (or else I won't finish it on time). We seriously need more time to do it . . .
4 period//PreCalculus: We had a substitute. She was funny. "I don't accept bribes unless in the form in food. Just kidding, I'll probably steal it from you regardless." We had an opener. It wasn't funny. Dude, I swear, our teacher didn't teach us a chunk of the stuff on there, and we were like, what the heck?! I probably did bad on this opener as well . . .
5 period//History: Yuck, history. I dislike history the most and I don't even know why. Perhaps I'm just uninterested in learning about the past and how it relates to the present? Who knows, but I just don't really seem to care much for history.
6 period//Spanish: I liked Spanish today, well actually, I've liked it recently. Reason being is that we're learning about food. Fun, fun, fun stuff, and I'm not being sarcastic about it this time. I just enjoy writing about food and stuff, using those words when talking to my friends and everything. This is what I like about Spanish: more people understand you. Since I don't have many Chinese friends I'm really close to, it's not like I can talk to them in Chinese, using my newly learned vocabulary (that I usually forget the next day). However, Spanish on the other hand, all of my close friends are learning it, and I love how we can talk in a different language because it feels like we share a particularly special bond. It's just nice.
Anyhow, I also had two epic wins in the class. First is me volunteering to go up and participate in this quick vocabulary review game. So the overhead all showed a bunch of our vocabulary words jumbled about, and two people when up to the pulled-down screen. Each person has a stick (with a sandal stuck on the top of it, don't ask) and when our teacher tells us the English word, we have to point to the Spanish word. Well, I was debating on whether or not to go up, but I decided to last minute when our teacher asked if any final people wanted to play. I seemed to have good luck today, since I happened to be staring at "supermercado" when our teacher said, "supermarket", so I pointed at it almost immediately which made the class wow at my response time. I somehow was able to win successfully two more times in a row when our teacher decided for us to stop and take our vocabulary quiz already. And my second win was just that. I took the quiz, and think I did pretty well. We didn't get to correct each other's quiz this time like usual, but out teacher put the answers up on the television, and I feel like I got 11/10. I would have possibly gotten 12/10 if I didn't make this stupid mistake. I wrote "la azúcar" instead of "el azúcar". Fail! Why would I write "la"?! Ah, whatever, I just hope I don't get another 'B' (or lower) this time. If I accomplish that much, I'll be satisfied.
After school: I was planning to make a quick escape from school to home so I could get working on my homework, but while I was at my locker after school, my best friend and locker buddy, Michelle, came by. Usually when this happens, we walk together and talk for a bit and part ways at the gate as Michelle goes back to volleyball (?) and I go off to a nearby park to wait for my mom to pick me up where there's less traffic. However, today, Michelle started to walk in a different direction. When I inquired where she was going, she said, "I'm going to buy samosas!" which the Rangoli Club was selling. I was going to go buy some tomorrow, but Michelle offered to buy them for me today instead, so I decided to accept her kindness. The little poster things that were passed around school said they were going to be selling samosas in the quad, but when we got there, there wasn't anyone there, so we were really confused for a moment. Then Michelle suggested we check the front gate, and lo and behold, it was there. She bought the samosas and we ate on our way back to the other school gate. The samosa was good and had a very interesting taste to it due to the spice in it. Michelle told me what it was called, but I don't exactly remember what she said anymore. Regardless, it was good. Anyhow, we kept walking to encounter Hee Soo in her track clothing as she exited the girls' locker room. Michelle went off with Hee Soo and we all said our goodbyes.
I walked to the crossing-light and met some friends, the couple, Ryan and Arielle. After chatting a bit, Arielle commented how I had a bunch of books in my hands, and I said something about how I should hire my servants to carry my books. Arielle said, while laughing, "Yeah, that's totally what I would do! But, you know, I don't have any books on me, holds open empty and and her other hand holding Ryan's." Then Ryan commented that he was, however, like a servant/coat holder, holding up his other hand with Arielle's jacket. At that point, I said, "Well, you have to be useful for something." And after seeing the reactions--both of them saying "wooow"--I was a bit worried if I went too far with my joke, since I had a tendency to make really mean jokes about people. But then Arielle said, "Thank you!" as if I had said something that she had never been able to express (jokingly) to Ryan. Then we left in different directions laughing.
Since I called my mom much before I met up with Michelle, she was already waiting in the parking lot of the park, so I went home right away. Once back home, I made my "snack", or "merienda" in Spanish, which was one of those small, boxed lasangas. It was good.
Other than that, and up to this point, nothing really significant popped up, so yeah. My day.

Something

Mood: happy; happy; thoughtful; something
Currently: doing pretty much nothing
Listening to: Heart of Sword --Tm Revolution

January 29, 2010, 3:24PM: peaceful, unexpected, strange, happiness, surrealism, excited, silence, peaceful.

Bliss Candy

Mood: happy; just so f---ing happy; d--- it, I'm happy; so happy, I sometimes don't want to admit it; embarrassed
Currently: off in a dazed wonderland
Listening to: Hizou --Kagrra,

Well, it's sufficient to say that I'm very happy right now.

Warning: If you don't want to read me mush about my boyfriend, I suggest you close the window, now!

Well, I've been looking forward to Sunday for quite a bit. The reason being is obviously because of my boyfriend. So I went to the library to work on a history project, or so that was my cover story. In reality, this was my chance to meet up with my boyfriend outside of school, so naturally, I went there in bliss. I was there earlier than my boyfriend, since he had class, so I pretty much I found a quiet place outside of the library to put my stuff (without feeling anxious that someone will steal it), and just wandered around, getting confused how I ended up at the same place over and over again, until he arrived. We pretty much just sat around and talked for perhaps an hour or so. As a side note, I kept staring at him (because I need to focus my gaze onto something) and my boyfriend kept calling it cute! Biased much? Most people who catch me staring at them get really freaked out and swear it looked like I was on the verge of killing them. I'll maybe never understand either of these comments. However, he was there with a cover story as well, that he was going to borrow books. But before leaving to go into the library, we hugged each other for a long time. How long? I've no idea, my judgment of how much time passes totally fails unless I have a clock or something. But anyhow, these long hugs are just like little blossoms of bliss to me. Did you know there's a Hershey candy called Bliss? Anyhow, since I'm a dork, time to describe the hug!

Warning: If you seriously don't want to read me mush about my boyfriend, I suggest you close the window, now!

This is actually the second time I've hugged my boyfriend for an elongated period of time, but the first time, I pretty much blanked out from happiness and remembered little besides that I was on top-of-the-world happy. But since I was more conscious this time, those of you who are too curious to stop reading shall suffer through my embarrassing story. Ahaha. Well, first, we embraced, and since he's taller than me, his shoulder happens to be right there, so I leaned my head against his shoulder pretty much the entire time. Ah, yes, the benefits of being shorter than the person you love. Anyhow, he tightened his grip around my shoulders, pulling me slightly closer to him, and, just to try it out, I did the same. However, my arms were around his waist, so when I squeezed, it made him squirm, being the slightly ticklish person he is. Although I couldn't see his reaction, but his movements, I just had a feeling it was very endearing. As another side note, I've noticed that my boyfriend smells really nice (like what? I haven't a clue, but for some reason, I want to describe it as "sunshine", but what the heck does sunshine smell?). Don't judge me, my face was in his shoulder, okay? I had to breathe, you know. After a while, my heart started to pound really hard, probably because the realization that I was hugging my boyfriend, and for a lengthy time as well, finally seeped into my brain, causing my heart to go haywire. Since my heart was practically hammering inside of me, my chest started to hurt, and as the idiot I am, I told my boyfriend this. Since he was tightening his hold around me now and then, he assumed that it was his fault, therefore, letting go. However, I didn't realize what he thought I meant until much later, but at the moment, I selfishly keep hugging him. Noticing that I refused to let go, my boyfriend proceeded to continue hugging me. As I said, my heart was going bonkers, my chest felt tight, and so I suddenly felt short on air, starting to hyperventilate a little. Like pretty much everything I do, I started to worry my boyfriend once again because he though he did something to me. I didn't respond, focusing only on steady breaths. Finally, and reluctantly, I slowly started to pull away from the hug. I declared that we should finally get a move on to the library, or else his parents might get upset (suspicious?) that he took so long to pick out books and walk him. On the brief walk to the library, and even as we walked around the library, my boyfriend showed constant concern that he was hurting me, not believing me when I said I was fine. Granted, it didn't help that I kept my hand where my chest plate was and occasionally took deeper breaths than the other. At any rate, as my boyfriend checked out his books, I just stared at the books that you could buy from the store there. Then suddenly, my boyfriend attack-hugged me from behind, causing me to practically jump in my sandals, and have a heart attack. I'm seriously going to have heart issues because of this guy. Not that I mind. Anyhow, we walked out of the library, me being embarrassed the entire way out. Then I walked my boyfriend to the traffic light, since he had to head home already. However, before he crossed the street, he gave me another quick hug and ran off. If my face pigments could change that way, I swear, my face would have blushed. My eyes happened to lay on this one car that was waiting for a light, and the man in the driver's seat was staring at me. I laughed embarrassed to myself and speedily walked back to the library. Instead of calling my parents, I felt comfort in calling my boyfriend instead. I talked to him pretty much for his entire walk home. When he reached the front of his house, he advised me to call my parents and go home as well. Since I found it'd be more beneficial to go home and talk to him online, I agreed and hanged up to call my parents.

Anyhow, the rest of my day wasn't that significant, though I did have an interestingly embarrassing conversation with my boyfriend online. That, however, I will diffidently won't talk about on here.

Elsewhere and Here

Mood: happy; happy; neutral
Currently: unsure whether I should be glad it's winter break
Listening to: Big Girls Don't Cry --Fergie

So it's finally winter break. Should I be happy? Certainly I don't have to wake up when the sun still asleep and have to go to zero period. But on the downside, I can't see my boyfriend and I can't hang out with all my friends. Well, I'm sure the two weeks will fly by quickly.
Let me talk about my day today. Zero period was pretty nice. Our teacher was out the entire week because his wife just had a baby, and so we had a substitute. Today's substitute (like the others) was nice, and she seemed pretty interesting. Yasmin was all staring at my painting for my Journalism teacher, and then the substitute walked by and said that it looked pretty good, also adding she taught art for 22 years. Then she jokingly said how substitutes never get presents. Later, she was organizing Christmas cards, then told the class if they had a teacher they wanted to give a card to, they could take some. I took the opportunity to be lame, took a card, wrote the card to her, and then Yasmin and I signed it. The substitute seemed pleased with it, joking how she got a "gift". P.E. was okay, I'm really bad a soccer, the only thing I'm good at is standing right people's faces when they have the ball, giving them a hard time to find a chance to shoot the ball at the goal. Then English came around, where we got to work with a partner to do these worksheets that had to relate with the next novel we're going to read, Bless Me Ultima. I got to work with my boyfriend! Just saying. Anyhow, then in Journalism, we seriously had a feast going on in there. A feast with pizza rolls! It was awesome, I love pizza rolls. Anyhow, we also proceeded with Secret Santa, where the person goes up to get their gift, read off the 3 clues we were supposed to give about ourselves, then that person would have to guess who their Secret Santa is. My Secret Santa was absent though, but a friend of her's told me that she dropped it off at my house. Then everyone was like, "What the, how does she know where you live? Stalker!" It was pretty hilarious. (I came home and found a small package with a huge card on it. I opened the card and "Frosty the Snowman" started to play. Heh, I haven't heard that song in a long time. It brings back good memories. Anyhow, I read the clues and I was like, "Dude, I would have never had guessed it was Wendy if Maryam didn't tell me," then chuckled to myself. I opened the present she gave me, since I was so curious, and I got a book called Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. When I reached only the third page, I was enchanted by the story. In the card, Wendy mentioned how it was one of the few books that impressed her and that sharing the book is like sharing a piece of heaven. Although I haven't finished reading the book, I feel like I'd have to say I agree. Maybe I should buy the book for you guys for your birthdays! Ahaha, who knows.) I stole a bunch of leftover cheesecakes to pass out to my friends, then I went on a frantic search for Michelle to give her her Christmas gift and give her the last cheesecake. I epically failed and ended up giving the cheesecake to Susan, who I happened to see walk by. It was my mini-present to her. Anyhow, math was absolute chaos. We had to correct our openers, which I totally failed. I hardly got over 50% on half of them. I had so many mistakes, I didn't finish correcting before our quiz on graphing trigonometric functions. Despite the fact that I was the last one to finish, I feel like I did relatively well. Then again, I thought the same for my openers, which had basically the same questions as the ones on the quiz. I'm concerned about my grade in math. Oh yeah, my teacher didn't even collect out math homework, the one I spazzed over almost all day to finish. In the end, I never finished it, so it's all good for me, I suppose. Anyhow, moving onto fifth period, wait, before that, passing period to fifth period, my boyfriend totally appeared out of nowhere. Apparently he made a detour to P.E. so he could say hi to me, ahaha, he's so sweet. Well, after reluctantly having to go to History class, we just ate whatever we had on us--I ate my lunch--while we watching the movie Les Miserables (which is supposed to take place a few years after the French Revolution). It was interesting, makes me want to read the book, though I probably won't, due to my sad attention span for long books. Then lunch came round and I spent it mainly doing my Spanish homework, as always. Finally it was sixth period Spanish, which Yasmin was kind enough to stay in, since she doesn't have a sixth period. Spanish was pretty darn fun. We walked around, going to classes, since Christmas carols in Spanish. It was fun mostly because Yasmin was there to be crazy and talk to me, though. After school, Diana, Hee Soo, Revathi, Yasmin, and I went to Heritage to hang out. Though, half the time, Yasmin and I were walking, running, climbing, and rolling around, it was hilarious fun. But then this one moment, we heard the ice cream truck song, and Diana, Yasmin, and I all chased after it. It was super fun. Not to mention the ice cream was delicious, I haven't had a chocolate sundae crunch in ages! Anyhow, besides that, Yasmin and I both had to use the bathroom, but it was locked! Then Yasmin suddenly realized there was this other bathroom, and I was like, "You had to mention this only now?!" And yeah, then I had to go home. Regardless, good times, good times.

h to the a to the p to the p to the y

Mood: happy; f--- forget "happy", there are no words to describe how blissed I feel!
Currently: just so freakin' happy
Listening to: Sakebi --Kagrra,

Nothing special happened today. Well, to quite a few people, nothing special happened today. Yet to me it was special, and it was beautiful. Maybe I'll draw a picture on how I feel. Then I'll post a poem with it later. Yeah . . . that'd be nice . . .

Snowy Mountains

Mood: happy; f---, forget "happy" I'm on top of the world right now
Currently: feeling really hyper even though I only slept for two hours yesterday night (this morning)
Listening to: Love is War --Miku Hatsune

Today's a beautiful day. Why's that? I have a very loving boyfriend who I love very much and I'm grateful for everything in the world that he loves me too. We occasionally hugged each other quickly around school, since we weren't trying to flash that fact that we are together (why? too long to explain). However, that reason has been blown off the roof, and I can openly hug him now. Ah, it was so nice to just give him a big hug. It just totally made my day. Yes, indeedly-do. My day was pretty average, nothing special or exciting happened today. Except that hug. Now I feel a tad poetic, and you know what that means!

Summit of the Heights

Snowing like it was a waterfall,
Blurry vision caused me to stumble,
And my limbs were growing numb.

Trudging forward was all I could do,
Yet I could fall backwards and roll,
But then I saw the light glowing.

It's like I'm on top of the world
As though nothing can drag me down,
This sight is mine to see,
A view I want to share with you.

On the top of the world.
What is this sensation,
I feel so hot,
I'm burning up,
But the blizzard swirling around
Is so bitterly cold.
Hold my hand.

In the snow and the cold,
Somehow the warmth of the sun
Seems to reach me from such a distance.

I feel a chill down my spine,
And I feel it's like I'm enveloped
In warmth and light.

It's like I'm on top of the world
As though nothing can drag me down,
This sight is mine to see,
A view I want to share with you.

On the top of the world.
What is this sensation,
I feel so hot,
I'm burning up,
But the blizzard swirling around
Is so bitterly cold.
Hold my hand.

Sweet Boredom

Mood: happy; bored
Currently: procrastinating on homework
Listening to: Tabi no Tochuu --Kiyoura Natsumi

Meaning behind my poem (read my poem first, please):
Basically I'm talking about love, go figure, right? Anyhow, the first stanza was basically playing things out. The confectioneries are obviously the Turkish Delights, representing love and all that jazz. Then the wooden platter thing was supposed to represent life at whole, it's kinda normal, boring, dull, nothing too amazing, but it's not like it's all that bad, right? Then there's that pile of candy on top that you're just like, oh my. I proceed to say how love is innocent like white powdered sugar, but there's more than meets the eyes, there is a deeper meaning to it than just what it seems. No matter how overwhelmingly sweet it is, even if it tastes almost bitter, we are still mystified by it, we yearn for it, and in the end, want to taste more.
Second stanza is mainly more descriptions on Turkish Delights. Metaphorically, I'm saying that love seems easy to figure out at first, because you think you know exactly what love is based on how you feel. Then after you get caught up with it, you start to realize things are much more complicated than what you originally thought. Happiness and suffering walks hand-in-hand on this path, yet we still want to keep walking because it's simply something we desire.
The next stanza is more about pain (jeez, masochist of me much?). Love gives a person many beautiful and wonderful emotions that blossoms into a need for more. We want more, when we have more than enough, but complain even then for those sweet moments. The whole ice water thing is a personal experience. I'm happy, yet occasionally, I feel a chill. I have goosebumps on my arms, yet my heart feels warm. I can't help but to shiver at the cold but smile at it because, in the end, I'm still happy.
The last stanza I repeat the beginning of my poem, the meaning behind those words remain the same. I rephrase the overall things I pointed out in my poem, how love is both wonderful, yet it isn't. The "Devil's Turkish Delights" is just saying that Turkish Delight, love, is delicious, but you're eating it off the Devil's plate. In more simpler words, love has it's ups and downs.

"A fool once said, 'If happiness can only be received through pain, then I desire none.' And the fool was left with nothing but despair." --JJS

Sweet Moments

Mood: happy . . . more like blissed
Currently: just happy to be alive
Listening to: the quiet hum of my computer; the chirping of the crickets outside; the ticking of my clock

Sometimes just one moment in your life is simply worth living through all of the stress and crude life dumps on you.

11.10.09. 11:15PM.

Fireworks in the Rain

Can't sleep. So after several weeks of dreading staying up this late for many reasons, now I'm just sitting here. Doing pretty much nothing. I was going to do math, but after I opened the book, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.
It's not like I have any complaints though. I'm pretty much satisfied with my life right now, I'm sure you all know why. I feel so awkward when I was reading some of my old posts. I always knew what I wrote was depressing, but man was it so depressing! Yes, pointing out the obvious is fun. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the people who actually read my blog. I mean, who wants to read a blog where the person is always saying that life is meaningless and says something borderline suicidal? Yeah, I'm so excited to read more.
Moving onto the present, the bright side of all this darkness, I seem to have found the pep in my step again! I've always wanted to use that phrase. Anyhow, yeah, I'm pretty sure my insomnia is back. I feel like I'm more hyper and cheery at school despite the lack of sleep. And, of course, I have gone back to appreciating the little things in life.
So in honor of the rebirth and sparkle in my life, a poem! If you know what I'm talking about in my poem, I congratulate you. Because sometimes I felt like even I didn't even understand what I was writing.

Fireworks

Rain splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Vivid red made my heart beat faster.
Cheerful orange made me wonder.
Bright yellow made me smile.
Curious green made me confused.
Solemn blue made me feel awkward.
Royal purple made me feel on top of the world.

Gray clouds loomed everywhere.
The colors faded, wilted, and died.
I threw open the curtains,
And there was an explosion of fireworks.

Yet rain still splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Don't you think these fireworks
Are so pretty
Even if it's late?
Emotions so loud
I tried to keep them silent
But the booms of colors
Made me explode.

Colors alighted around.
Just what does this mean?
I don't expect an answer,
But, I still need to scream.
I need to get this thank you
Out so the heavens can hear.

Thank you
For the ability to see again,
I love the colors in the sky.
Thank you
For bring tears to my eyes,
The sight is just too beautiful.
Thank you
For this explosion of feelings,
That lighted the whole world.
Thank you
For never letting the fireworks fade away.

Best Day. Ever.

November 5, 2009. 11:37PM. Anticipating, expectant, slightly hopeful, nervous.
November 5, 2009. 11:39PM. Shocked, surprised, confused, denial, realization, happy, trembling, overjoyed, on-top-of-the-world, jumping off the walls, I-would-scream-in-happiness-if-my-dad-wasn't-sleeping mode, life-couldn't-get-any-better mood, this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life feeling.
Suffice to say. November 5. Of 2009. At 11:39PM. Despite the fact that it was 21 minutes away from midnight. November 5. Was indeed. The best day of my 15-year old life. Best. Day. No matter what cruddy things happened to me earlier on that day. It's been overruled. Even if my day started from awful. It's now awesome. I don't even remember what I did. But it was definitely an awesome day. A beautiful day. A wonderful day. A terrific day it was! What did I do? NO CLUE. But it doesn't matter. It was, to put it simply, an absolutely-positively-awesome-possum-blossom-tremendous-stupendous-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day. November 5 is the best day ever. November is a wonderful month. 5 is a wonderful number. When you combine them, it's just the most incredible thing. Ever. Am I repeating myself too much? I'm repeating myself too much. Okay.

Halloween Cackle

So after reading my previous post, I feel kind of awkward since I went trick-or-treating with my friends as planned, and it was fun. Although I don't take back what I said . . . it was how I truly felt. Anyhow, so in the first time in forever, I'm blogging about something positive. Shocker, isn't it? I'm going to start out with my sucky morning though.
Well, I had to do this Chinese presentation on a capital or something, and mine was on Rabat, which I never even heard of before. Anyhow, so I mine was the worst one. It's not even a joke. Allow me to explain why. First of all, I pronounced the capital name wrong. That's just sad. Secondly, it was't creative, no pretty or fantastic pictures of people, places, or food, unlike everyone else's. Third, I was supposed to type "Hassan Tower" on the top of the slide, but since I didn't know how, I used Wikipedia (since there's sometimes an option to see stuff in Chinese). But apparently, instead of copying "Hassan Tower", I copied "Wikipedia". That's just so freakin' sad and embarassing. Did I mention my teacher recorded everything and is posting it on Youtube? So humilating. And last, but not least, I knew nothing. Everyone's presentation, they were looking around the room, talking more in depth about their slide, like they've been there before, or something. Me, I was staring at my powerpoint, I didn't even know how to say the words have the time, too. I just felt so retarded up there.
Basically, my hatred for Chinese school has shot up dramatically and I really wish I didn't have to go back there ever again. I came home, ate some leftover pizza (yesterday, my dad and I had Papa John's pizza, it was the first time we tried it, but it was pretty darn good). I watched some anime and took an unfurfilling thirty minute nap. After dragging me out of bed, my dad drove me to art class. I wasn't in a very artistic mood, so I painted really slowly, and the details were pretty messed up, I'll fix it next week or something. I came back and kinda just laid around in bed, I dosed off for a little while, rumaged through my room for a costume, dressed up as a wannabe pirate, then headed over to Revathi's house.
Hee Soo was already there, being a weirdo. Diana took a while to arrive, what a weirdo. Yasmin's aunt had a party or something, so she couldn't come to go trick or treat with us, she's a weirdo. Ahaha. I don't know why I'm saying that. Anyhow, we kind of hanged out there for a while before leaving to go trick or treating. It was pretty awkward to hold my bag out for candy, because I seriously felt like I was some kind of beggar. It was even more awkward after I got the candy. I'd say thank you, then bring forth the courage to say, "have a nice evening." I'm so awkward around strangers. Diana and Revathi were all walking really fast, probably so they can rake in more booty (attempting pirate talk), but Hee Soo and I were all walking slowly, just cause. So, what interesting happened? Hee Soo kept getting freaked out by stuff like wavy grass, thinking it looked like a graveyard or something. Hasn't she ever seen wavy grass before? What a deprived child. Just kidding. Hrm, so the highlight of my entire day was this next part. So there was this head decoration on the porch of a person's house. Hee Soo all said how creepy it was, so just to bug her, I wanted to pat it on the head. I did so, but then it's head started moving and groaned loudly. Diana jumped and yelled, Revathi was indifferent, Hee Soo screamed loudly and clinged onto my arm . . . with her nails. It was hilarous, I started laughing obnoxiously loud so that the person in the house came outside to look what happened (that or Diana and Revathi alread ringed the bell, I'm not too sure, since Hee Soo and I took our time to catch up). Yeah, that was fun. Oh, and I saw my old afterschool English teacher. I actually don't remember her name, and after looking at her for a while, I suddenly recognized who she was. Wow, it sure brought back memories. I still remember how she'd give out the beginning of a story and we'd have to come up with the rest. I loved to hear everyone's story and we'd all laugh at how weird they were. The teacher would give out saltwater taffy, buy McDonald cookies that were still warm, give us presents during Christmas, and the homework assignments were so much fun. Ah, good times. I really missed her. I wish I had said something, but I don't think she would have remembered me. I grew taller, changed my hairstyle (I used to always have my hair up in a ponytail and have straight Asian bangs), and I had this makeshift eyepatch thing on too, which made it hard to see a good deal of my face (including my other eye . . .). Well, it was nice to just see her, regardless. I hope she's doing well.
We went back to Revathi's house, but Yasmin all wanted us to go over to her aunt's house to go trick or treating, but we decided it was a bit late. We wanted to just go over there and gamble with our candy, but Hee Soo's mom said it was too late to go out, then Revathi decided to be a pal and stay behind. Diana and I, knowing Yasmin would probably give us the guilt trip if we excluded her on the Halloween fun, left to go to her aunt's house. Diana's mom was driving us, and we all got lost. We were all staring at the MapQuest directions in the light of my flashlight. I think I got us all confused, I have a bad sense of direction, they should have known better than to listen to me! Anyhow, we finally made it there after a bunch of pauses and staring into the night to see if we can make out the house numbers in the dark. We got there and we were all worried Yasmin left to go back home or something, so we were all hiding and stuff, but then we heard a bunch of clanking, like someone was messing with the locks or something. I figured it was Yasmin and she couldn't get the door to open, so I burst out in, once again, and obnoxiously loud laugh until Yasmin finally threw open the door and Diana yelled out, "Trick or treat!" We went inside and there was food left, so we were welcomed to steal their food. You know what was so cool? The punch bowl. Why? No, there wasn't stuff in it! But there were small glass cups where you could just dip it into the punch bowl. I've always wanted to do that! It was so awesome, I just stood there, scooping up punch and then pouring it back in, then scooping up some more. Yeah, I'm weird. Anyhow, it was past 10, and Diana got a call from Revathi, then Diana relayed the message to me that my dad has been calling me for the past hour (my dad drove to her house to see where I was, even though he knew I was at Yasmin's aunt's house, but didn't know where it was). I looked at my phone, which was on silent, and there was 47 missed calls from my dad. My bad . . . After calling him and calming his worried mind, the time left at Yasmin's aunt's house was limited. We spent most of the time, holding battery-powered candle flames up to our faces and telling humorous horror stories. Ask Diana about it, it was a well-thought out story. With a hilarous ending! Then we all passed the candle light (which later became a flashlight, I have no idea where Diana found it) telling a part of the story and then passing it onto the other person to continue it. Yeah, it was funny.
I finally came home around 11 and my father was obviously not pleased. He didn't seem as angry as I thought he would be, but I guess his anger subsided in the 20 minutes since I called him.
I showered, then just sat here doing stuff, going on Facebook, blogging. Yeah. Well, I'm going to bed soon, it's like 12:32 now (wasn't typing the entire time). Night.

Do You Mind?

I just realized that I never updated about how school was for me. So the first two days have been great. I like my teachers, the classes are very interesting. The one I probably dislike the most so far is P.E. Since all we do is sit on very uncomfortable benches and talk. It's not like I don't like talking with people, but it's P.E., we should be out there running or something! Anyhow, it'll get better after the teachers do their thing, give us our lockers, and finally let us move onto the great outdoors. When that happens, my most unfavorable class would probably be Pre-Calculus. It's just not exciting, not to mention, I've never liked math. Zero period Chemistry is okay, the teacher seems pretty cool and Yasmin's in my class. First period P.E., I already talked about. Second period English is great. My teacher seems really cool. We haven't really done much yet, but I just get a vibe that it's going to be a great year. Third period journalism. Oh my gosh, it's like heaven, but I'm alive somehow.
--journalism rant--
The journalism adviser (I don't really like calling her the journalism teacher, because it just feels weird that way), Mrs. Beach, is cool. She's been teaching English for 30 years, worked with a bunch of editors in the past, and has taught journalism for, was it over 25 years? I don't remember. Anyhow, she's really cool and fun. The whole team is just as great. Although I've yet to talk to them or get to know any of them up close, they all just seem so enthusiastic about being there. When Mrs. Beach asks who wants to run an errand for her, this one guy--I forgot his name already--literally jumps up as he says, "I'll do it!" It's so cute. Currently, I really don't have much of a position in journalism. I'm currently fighting for the columnist position. It's just where you can write anything you want, but it has to be creative, funny, and connects with the readers. It's kind of like an editorial. Anyhow, I think it's a nice position, and I thought it was interesting, except there's a bunch of other people who want to spot just as much as I do. I'm a bit intimidated. Guys, you can shower me with as many compliments as you want, but in my head, it will always be, in 18 point font, Arial, bold, "Don't stand a chance." We have to write a sample column and you know, my grammar, vocabulary, and spelling sucks, don't ask why I want to be an author. I actually don't have a good sense of humor. I laugh at really weird things and the jokes I make are really lame puns that make some of my friends depressed because it was really just that lame. Creative, I guess I'm okay with, but I've thought of several ideas and I realize that my topic is just weird and stupid or I have nothing to say about it. Yeah, I went from very optimistic to very pessimistic. I depress myself. You know, I have to sell ads (as in going to businesses or academies to see if they'll pay so their ad shows up in our newspaper) and sell up to $50 or I don't get an 'A'. My parents said something about it sounding like bribery for a grade. I know we need money, the school doesn't fund us, and all the schools have their own money issue. And for people's information, our school ads are so not cheap. When people get their free newspaper, most of the time, the random pieces of paper stuffed in there are not random, they're ads we call "inserts". So while the inserts fall out of people's newspapers and flutter around school like tumbleweed, people paid $45 each for that. As a person who's money is actually just a collection of pocket change my sister gave me (the rest of my dollar bills were spent to pay my dues, meaning to pay back friends money I borrowed), that is a freaking lot of money. To print all 10 issues of the newspaper spends us up over $4,000, since we do have to supply 8 pages of a newspaper to over 2,200 students plus facility. You'd think people would respect the newspaper, you'd think. On the bright side, since lots of businesses buy ads (they're practically donating us the money) we usually have money leftover, which we spend to buy new computers for journalism/yearbook staff.
--end of journalism rant--
Fourth period is math, and you heard my opinion of it. Fifth period history is pretty interesting. The teacher is nice, she makes history much more interesting, granted she told us the history of how sticking up your middle finger came to be, how sayings like "raining cats and dog" came about, and did you know "saved by the bell" was actually people buried alive ringing that bell? Anyhow, that was the first day, and the second day we went to get our textbooks, so I'll see how much I enjoy history later on. I don't really like the people in there, it's full of people who'd always cause trouble and mess around. I'll live, though, hopefully. And finally, sixth period is Spanish. The actually teacher isn't around, so we have a substitute named Mrs. Smart. She lives up to her name rather well, and I think she's a rather interesting teacher. I remember her from substituting my Spanish teacher last year. She's a nice person with many years of experience, though the class gets pretty tough with her manning the station.
I won't lie in saying that I get pretty worn out after class. Perhaps taking a zero period was a mistake? Who knows? Maybe the future.

I Always Seem to Type to Blog Title Last

Here I am as always, up during unsightly hours of the morning that could also be referred to as night. I've been thinking a lot, as always, and you know, I feel very insecure. I'm not going to go on a rampage again about feeling "uneasy" and all, this is a different type of insecurity. I think. Ages and ages before on this blog, I told a tale from years before, my childhood. If I think about what I say to people, I feel like I make it overly dramatic about having no "real" friends back then. I blamed a great deal of my old friends for using me and wanting to do nothing with me when I was long overdue. But I kind of wonder if it's really just all my fault. I was happy. I really did enjoy hanging out with them, Meghan, Erin, Mary Anne, Stephanie, Tiffany, Kayla, Caroline, Jennifer, Catherine, and of course, Michelle. During the different years, I've moved on from friend to friend, and in most cases, I never really talked to my old friends from the previous grade. She'd be busy with her new friends, and I'll be busy with mine, but it never really bothered me until the fourth grade. The story is long and has been told too many times, but it's a real-life story that I felt like changed my entire view of my friends. Betrayal and blurred memories are cruel things. All I know is that, after that day, I've accused my friend at the time for using me and backstabbing me. But is what I thought happened really occur? Is everything I told myself a lie, and all the hatred built up from falsehood? Was one of the few grudges I could never let go never existent between the two of us? Then it wasn't just her, that one girl, it was all of them. I thought ill of my old friends, but wasn't it the both of us who moved on? Wrath is a sin I am guilty of. Michelle was the only one who was spared from my criticism and judgment. After all, she was the only one who'd talk to me once in a while even after kindergarten has passed. Year after another, we'd hang out once in a while. That's how she became to be my best friend, and somehow my "only real friend". This old tale gets longer when I've learned to regret what I've thought about my friends, though the story never seems to change (As I've said in a previous post, I tend to want pity. Hey, this entire post could be filled with my pity-yearning words. I can't even understand myself anymore . . .). In the sixth grade, when my sister went off to college, it got lonesome at home, and I felt bad about never making an effort to stay friends with people for over a year. And so I ventured to enforce my friendship with Michelle. Before I entered middle school, I was torn when I learned Michelle wasn't attending the same school as me. I wanted to hold onto her, the one person who never seemed to get sick of my company and the person I worked with so much so that our bond was strong. I found that our friendship wasn't so flimsy and I would go and contact Michelle occasionally over the two years. When I moved onto high school, the first thought that entered my mind was, "I can see Michelle almost everyday again." And when the school year began, I wondered. Indeed, I got to see her, talk to her, but then she'd hang out with her friends. Of course she'd make new friends. Michelle isn't a person who'd go past the years without making an effort to be around people she likes. I made friends, people who I really enjoy being around, too. But you know, they always hang out. They go to the beach, they go to movies, they have picnics and potlucks. Some days, I would just I stand behind Michelle and listen to her talk to her friends. She'd sound so happy, and the rest of them were too, laughing until their guts hurt. And sometimes I wondered if she liked being around them more than me. I'm not that cheery of a person (go figure). I try to look on the bright side, but when it comes to the "bright side" for me, it's more like the loony side. If you hang out with me a lot (I don't know who would be reading this if they didn't), don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Laughing insanely for no reason, talking nonsense and babbling weird, happy things. I know I can be happy without being a nut, but I feel like I'm just a nut anyways all the time. By the way, I'm very self-conscious about being "weird" around people I don't really know which is usually why in class, I'm as stiff as a stick--which are actually pretty bendy, depending on it's thickness. Anyhow, I'd worry if I bring Michelle down sometimes. "Live, laugh, and laugh some more." is her motto, she told me once. Every now and then, I have an insecure moment for myself to worry about my friendship with her. One of the days happened to be yesterday, by the way. Program verification day is coming up for school, which means we need to find locker buddies and such. Last year, I was Michelle's partner, and this year, I forgot about the whole thing for so long, I was worried that someone else teamed up with Michelle (Last year, I asked her several months in advance because I didn't want her middle school friends taking the opportunity. Not like I didn't/don't love you guys, Pie.). I worried all day yesterday and I finally gathered up the courage to call (Since in truth, I get nervous about phone calls.). The line was busy and I threw my phone down dramatically then proceeded by shaking my fists at the heavens. But then I had to check if my phone was still alive. Yes, I was trying to be funny when I was typing that (Although it did happen, strangely enough.). Was anyone amused? Then, today, when my dad handed the phone over to me and I was pretty surprised when I heard Michelle's voice on the other end. I was absolutely blissed that she called me to ask if I wanted to be locker buddies with her, absolutely blissed. Right now at um, 3:30AM, I'm still very happy that she wanted to be paired up with me again. She even said sorry for not really staying touch with me, which was so nice of her, especially since I basically did nothing either . . . Guilt trip. Then we had a nice little talk about what we were going to do about our locker, and yeah. After I hanged up, I was still high on relief. Then I went back to my guilt trip. I doubt Michelle at times, about if she really wants to hang out with me or not, but then she does something for me that just makes me want to slap myself for being a bad friend and doubting her. You know, after typing for so long, and now I'm really really really tired, I went from a serious typing blog person to a person who wants to put in a random comedy video that I haven't even seen. Basically, I have no idea why I'm talking about this anymore. I had to scroll up to reread what I said earlier. Insecure. Yeah, I felt insecure about my friendship with Michelle, but now it's all better. Yay! Okay, I'm going to bed, night.

I'm Back, Guys!

So I finally come back to Blogger to find that no one else that I'm following has posted anything. Come on, I disappear all the time, but you guys can't, post more! Just kidding. Anyhow, so I've been kind of busy, but not really. It's more like busy playing computer games. So the main reason that I was gone for a long while was World of Kung Fu, or as my sister, Joy, her boyfriend, Matt, and I say it, Wok-Fu (don't judge me just because I'm Chinese!). It's an online game, kind of like Maple Story, Guild Wars, and all those other games. Anyhow, in case you didn't know, I'm absolutely horrible with computers. I can destroy them so fast while trying not to, it's not even funny. Sometimes it's a really bad virus, another time I killed my harddrive, but one way or another, I'm just murdering my computer, and I think my dad is getting tired of always trying to fix it. Then again, I have a tenancy to break other things, too. Anyhow, I just got a new harddrive, so my computer is relatively empty and I didn't have Wok-Fu on my computer anymore. So I downloaded it to find it freezing up on me all the time, so I barely got to actually play. My sister, in frustration, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer, but failed. But suddenly, my sister came up with the idea of me using her old laptop, which she used to play Wok-Fu on, so it was already on there. We were just like, "Why didn't I think of it sooner!" So for the last few days, I've just been playing Wok-Fu practically all day, me on my sister's old laptop, and Joy on her new one. There hasn't been cross country on since Wednesday, either, so I'm not exhausted when I come home and just sleep all the time. I've almost done with my math homework, too, though. My sister's been very generous when I work on my homework and when I get to play Wok-Fu with her and Matt. I'm supposedly finishing up on it right now. I am, but I stop to type this blog post once in a while though. I don't like leaving my blog all alone for too long. It makes me feel like I might just never come back, causing this blog to join my pile of diaries and journals that I started, but they're all blank after the first few pages. Anyhow, yeah. I also needed record another thing.
Today was a pretty busy day if you ask me. First, I had to wake up around 7:30AM, get ready, and I set off to Yasmin's house. For what, you may ask? Kayaking. Obviously, I'm not kayaking at her house, but her dad was going to drive us to the beach, since he's cool like that. So the kayaking group consisted of Yasmin, her cousin, Catherine (Katherine?), Diana, and I'm there, too, of course. I got at her house around 8:15, I think, but Diana was running late. When we were driving to the beach, it was nearly 9:00, which was the time everything was supposedly to start, but we ended up standing around, waiting for other people. The instructor all started off explaining a few things to us like the map and where we are going to go. It was an interesting experience. I went on the same kayak as Diana, Yasmin went with Catherine. It took me a long while to handle paddling, but I think I'm doing pretty okay. Except there were a few times where I totally threw the boat off course and we nearly hit the yachts dock. The instructor saw Diana and I crash, so he started lecturing us. For some reason, he kind of annoyed me. It's not that he's mean or anything. He's just teaching us after all, but for some reason, the things he says just kind of bothers me. And he always seem to be there when we're doing bad! Like, we were all paddling, Diana and I. We were doing really good, even though we were kind of behind because we were the last few to leave the Wetlands (a place where you can only go into when it's hightide, because it's really shallow. You could even feel the clay with your hand and stuff). Then Yasmin's kayak appeared out of nowhere, but Diana, being the crazy person she is, threw a chunk of the clay she took at her boat. Then our boat turned a bit, so it was heading for Yasmin's boat. Diana and I were trying to divert from danger, but ended up bumping into them. Of course, the instructor just had to be there and said, "What, you girls still can't go straight? Show me how to move the kayak straight!" Then yeah, we started paddling away from them, since the instructor seemed to bother Diana, too. Anyhow, the day was overly- all. I want to go kayaking again soon. On a Sunday, next time, though, because today, the instructor was telling us to go faster and such, when we just wanted to chill. On Saturdays it's this orientation thing, where the instructor tells you how things work, and all that stuff, then you follow him everywhere. Plus, I, for one, was a little rushed, because I had art class at 2PM, and the kayaking thing ended at 1. I just went directly from Yasmin's house to my art class. My shorts were still wet from kayaking when I got back home at 4! It was nice to change into dry pants, though. Just saying. Ugh, but my arms ache, and my back for some reason. I think I did something crazy and forgot about it. Well, hopefully I won't be dying tomorrow when I wake up! Hopefully . . .

Without a Shred of Doubt

So today, I woke up at 12PM to make sandwiches. Nice way to start off a day and a blog post! Anyhow, so Susan, a friend of Michelle's that I became friends with in Biology class, randomly invited me to go to a pot luck after cross country this one time. There would be a bunch of people from Tezlaff who I don't really know, but I was just like, sure, why not? So since it was a pot luck, obviously, I had to bring food, but Susan didn't do a great job at organizing and seeing who was going to bring what, so I just made sandwiches. The little get together was at Heritage Park at 2PM, so I just chewed on one of the sandwiches I made while watching some great anime. "One Piece" is awesome, I love it. I used to keep up with it, but then I stopped randomly, and now I'm starting up again from the very beginning. There's like 400 episodes, though, so far. I wonder what's taking so long for it to end, but I just love "One Piece", I'd be so sad if it ended. A lot of animes that I watch end at the 12th episode, so it's nice for one that I watch is really long. "Bleach" is pretty long, too, but I think it's going to end soon.
Stepping away from my little anime rant and back to my day, I was wandering around Heritage like a lost puppy. Susan told me it'd be near the baseball field, but there were so many people sitting in groups and such that I wasn't too sure where they were. I called Susan's cell phone, but one of the Tezlaff people I don't know, I think it was Jee Soo or Michelle (not the one I know), picked up and was attempting to help me get there. Apparently it was easier to just tell them where I was then where they were. Since I was standing near the baseball field alone, the group of people there stood up and waved to me. When I got there, there was a bunch of mats spread out under a tree, and I realized that most of the people already came but just off doing errands like filling up the water guns or water balloons. Susan and Julia, another person I know from cross country, got out of a car and was carrying buckets of water balloons. After everyone gathered up, I had to ask Michelle (Pang) for everyone's name. I don't know anyone's last name, but the people who gathered together were Michelle (Pang), Susan, Julia, Abraham, Young, Ian, Jee Soo, Michelle, Heidi, Allyson, Amanda, Edward, Joshua, and Shawn. It was pretty fun. We first had to eat because Michelle (Pang) was dying from hunger since she didn't eat lunch. Then we had an epic balloon fight where we all ganged up on Susan, and she was just like, "Why me?" She ran crazy fast and everyone just chased after her. She was totally soaked afterwards. I managed to stay pretty dry, but then Allyson and Julia decided I was too dry. After running around like crazy people, they finally got me wet. Then people set up the little volleyball net that Michelle (Pang) brought, while Susan, Julia, Allyson, and I ran over to Allyson's house, which was really close by, to make more water balloons. When we came back, everyone was either sitting on the laid out mats or playing volleyball. Since we came back with the real fun, we started it off with a water balloon toss. You know, where you toss the water balloon back and forth between two partners to see if they'll drop/break it or not. After that, we armed ourselves with the water balloons and water guns again to go out to war. It was soaked more this time, but that just means it was more fun for me. Occasionally throughout the day, I'd go on a little "break" from the festivity and eat a brownie or two. Amanda made them and they are so good! She left around 4PM, though, because of a basketball game and left them for us to eat. I brought them home with me since no one else wanted to, and because they were just that good. Enough about the food, the day has not yet finished. Well, Joshua actually didn't come until around 4PM--apparently he was out eating with his family or something--and everyone decided to take pictures in remembrance of the day. At first, everyone was being crazy and wanted us to make a pyramid, but that wasn't very successful. After a few crazy shots of us jumping in the air and just scrunched together in a group, a bunch of people started to leave. It came down to a small group of people, me, Michelle (Pang), Michelle, Susan, Julia, Jee Soo, Shawn, Joshua, and Edward. We played this weird Rock-Paper-Scissors Truth-or-Dare game where the loser has to do a Truth-or-Dare. Edward lost the first time, so we made him propose to Shawn and kiss his hand. It was pretty hilarious, yet kind of sad since it was embarrassing for them to do that in public. Well, we played that game again a few times, Michelle had to choose one guy amongst the group who she'd prefer the most to marry, Joshua had to call Susan's stalker and tell him to back off. I managed to stay in the safe zone, so I didn't have to do anything, just laugh and be amused at what everyone else was doing. Later we just went in a circle doing truths and such. My truth wasn't very interesting. To me that is. They just asked if I was a guy, which girl in the group I'd choose to go out with. Automatically I pointed to Michelle. Everyone was like, "Really?" for a moment, but then I explained how I've known her since kindergarten and everyone immediately understood. Then we just sat around talking, but it was maingly just Joshua talking. I used to think he was a bit annoying when we had P.E. together, but today, I thought he was really interesting to listen to. It wasn't like he was hogging up all the talking, but it was kind of like he was the entertainer and we were the audience. Once in a while, we'd have our moment to talk, exchanging interesting comments, then it'd turn back to Joshua. It's not like he's just talking to fill up the silence either. I really don't like people who just can't appreciate a moment of silence. Some people just feel the need to always be talking or making someone else to talk a lot. It wasn't like that with that group. The day was relaxed, but still fun. I had just met a lot of these people, and yet I didn't feel uncomfortable around them. I assume that these are just the kind of people Michelle is drawn to. I still remember a particular conversation I had with her. I was telling her how there was a lot of other people I knew from elementary school at Carmenita and I hung out with them. Michelle said something along the lines of how I was lucky and that she had to make new friends among people from other schools at Tezlaff. But I had no doubt that the people Michelle chose as friends are great people. Now I know, after meeting a good amount of them, that they seem to be just that, wonderful people. I hope I'll be able to become closer friends with them gradually.

Tell Me the Reason Why

It's past midnight, I need to wake up early for school tomorrow (today) to turn in my textbooks, I still need to last minute cram for my English and Spanish finals, so why am I here? I don't even know why myself. I just feel like a little rant. My friend sent me an email saying "don't you sometimes wish Life was like a Word document? You can use the scrollbar to whiz past the ugly moments of life, the undo button to undo mistakes, the "Find" tool to find missing things, the highlight thingy to highlight the good parts of you and have people not focus on the bad things so much." I was just like, wow. I don't know how to say this. "Deep" is the word? "Good reason"? I'm at a loss of words a lot lately. Not good since I'm shifting into a writing mode for the summer. Anyhow, I was just impressed by something she said. Then I kind of wondered what if we could do those things. I remember a time in elementary school, I played so much video games over the summer, came back to school, and when I messed up, I actually thought, "Where's the restart button?" I feel really dumb for thinking that, but what if there was one? You could start everything over so it's right. You could do things your way, have the life you wanted. What the point, though? To be happy? What about other people? Let's say you want to be with a guy, so you use that "restart" button to your advantage so you end up with him? What about another girl who wanted that guy? Would she have a "restart", too? If she ends up taking your man from you, what would you do in response? Have a "restart" war? Ignore my really weird example for a moment and think about it. Someone is going to have to be miserable. The only thing is to toughen up. The world is not full of smooth roads and if you trip, you've got to wipe those tears out of your eyes, get up, and keep going. "Suffering builds character", I quote from The Wanderer by Sharon Creech.
I've watched many animes and read plenty of books where the creator expressed their view on the "meaning of life". What really is the meaning of life? I wonder. It seems like it can be anything. I guess whatever floats your boat, that's the meaning of life to you. To me, I think the meaning of life is to experience things. Live for the sorrowful and painful times (I don't mean to be masochistic). Yearn for those happy and carefree moments. Feel all sorts of emotions! Feel love, sad, happy, envy, pain, joy, sympathy, apathy, excited, anger, lust, sinful, crazy, sick, anxious, embarrassed, satisfaction, nervous, hurt, elated, shocked, depressed, emotional, and so many more feelings! Meet different people with unique looks, personalities, hobbies, and talents. Encounter millions of events that could happen only for you. Our lives are different, let's explore them and realize "no one will have the same life as mine". May we relish the good and bad times is dependent on the person, but I, for one, feel like my life would be empty if I left a blank where all the bad times were supposed to be. I'd still feel empty if I only experienced happy feelings, because I've never seen the other side or know what it's like. If bad feelings were erased entirely? If there was no such thing as negative feelings, that's a different story for another day.