I HAVE MICHELLE'S BACK

Mood: happy; happy
Currently: chatting with Michelle on AIM <3
Listening to: Hey, Soul Sister --Train

The one of the most awesome AIM chats ever.

Michelle 9:32 pm
i was searching for names on a baby name maker and i started contemplating what i should name my kid later on
i couldn't decide
there are too many names i like
maybe i should just put them all into one long name

Me 9:33 pm
LOL

Michelle 9:33 pm
like: emmmajanejenniferhelenpenelopethalia
XD

Me 9:34 pm
AHAHAHAHA
nice, nice
XDDDD
i really like the name emma
8DD

Michelle 9:34 pm
meee tooo

Me 9:34 pm
i don't like jennifer cause my math teacher always calls me jennifer and i'm like, it's just jenny DX

Michelle 9:35 pm
i like emma for a regular name
XD
im never gonna name my kid jennifer, cuz Fas's 1st name is jennifer
XP
blech

Me 9:35 pm
LOL
niiiice
i heard from victor you were the only one in class who was recommended for trig honors though

Michelle 9:35 pm
anyways, i think jenny sounds better than jennifer for u

Me 9:35 pm
8DDD <3

Michelle 9:36 pm
really?
hrm.
i dont think so

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~ yeah, i don't think i really look like a jennifer o_O

Michelle 9:36 pm
i dunn remember
tru

Me 9:36 pm
at any rate, thumbs up to yooou :3

Michelle 9:36 pm
u look like a jenny

Me 9:36 pm
ohoho~
8DD

Michelle 9:36 pm
i'll let u read my story when i finish
XD
wait u and victor talk about me?
good things i hope?
or am i getting tooo nosy?
XD

Me 9:37 pm
of course!
8DDD
wait
first: yay, michelle's short story! <3
second: of course we talk good things about you, i'd beat the crude out of victor if you talked ill about you 8Db
third: you're not nosy :3
*if he talked ill

Michelle 9:38 pm
hahha
thanks its nice knowing i can always count on you to watch my back
XD

Me 9:39 pm
X)b
of course!
ohoho~

Mute Ears Deaf Speech

Mood: happy; tired
Currently: staring at homework
Listening to: hum of the laptop

It's pretty naive for me to say that I almost always think that people are happy all the time, up until the point they show me that face of anguish. Today in journalism, a girl who almost always got top marks on her math tests--I know that because she's in my class--and overall, based on her participation in class, she seemed like one of the really smart people. I found it hard to believe, hearing her confide in someone how she felt so dumb in journalism. Although I shouldn't eavesdrop when others are talking about such person feelings, or rather, I shouldn't at all, but I couldn't help but to want to listen. She was talking to a girl in our class who joined the Peer Counselors program, saying how she felt like she didn't belong in journalism because she was too dumb to be taking the class. Everyday, she would have fun, but also feel miserable, thinking, I don't belong in this class. Feeling conflicted, she asked if she should take journalism next year. She's a bit like me, we both get pretty bad grades on our articles and such, so she thought, "If I reapply next year, and I get cut, I'm going to spend the rest of the year feeling like a complete idiot. If I make it, I'm going to go through all this all over again. But if I quit, it's going to be just like swim. I joined this class because I'm interested in journalism, I like writing, but I don't want to take this class if I'm going to just keep thinking that I don't belong here. But I also don't want to quit and feel like some kind of loser who can't keep up with her passions." The peer counselor asked her questions calmly, and even though she was staring at the computer screen, she dedicated her full attention to the conflicted girl. She told her, "From my point of view, well, it's pretty biased since I hate journalism, but it's not like not taking journalism again next year will conflict with anything, even if you decide to pursue journalism as a career. I mean, being in this class for like, just one year is great and all, it gives you foresight and all, but it won't really drag you down if you don't join again, you know?" The girl sighed and said that she was going to think about it for a while longer. The peer counselor nodded and encouraged her to do so, then they briefly made arrangements to talk some other time around school. It was already snack when I decided to give up at my task at hand, feeling like find the right font, size, and color of the magazine titles were too much of a hassle for me today. When I was about to stand up, another girl approached the peer counselor and started to talk about, then said something about being stressed out about college. The peer counselor said, "This again? You're a junior, why are you thinking about this stuff so much?" Then the girl said, "But I should be! Last year, I didn't worry about college at all, but I should have." She went off into further details as I walked away. And a "you learn something new everyday" moment was that everyone has been through some rough times, no matter who they are or how they act at school or even just in front of you. Another one, a more specific one, is that peer counselors are admirable. People go up to them and talk to them about their feelings and their problems and you know, that's great. I think that's just really admirable.
And a rude awakening (ripped of Madison Finn, sorry) today was from what a friend told me. "People just don't seem to really care. Why is it that I listen to their problems, but they can't even listen to mine?" There really just are people who you can't confide to because they just don't listen, talking to them about your troubles is like a waste of breath, and although saying it all out gets it off your chest, your words feel like it sits on top of your heart, after mustering all that effort to say what you wanted to say, and that person asks, "what did you say?" Of course, I knew that there were people like that, but ignorantly thought that they were simply inconsiderate about how others feel. However, in reality, it's possible it's the other way around. Everyone is unfortunate, but some people are faced with worst problems than others. Perhaps we try to talk about our problems to those extremely troubled souls when they have enough to think about already. If that person's family has issues such as financial struggle and it's hard to guess what's going to become of them, I don't feel like that person will have the attention span big enough to listen to someone else complain about their bad grades. Well, it doesn't even have to be a big problem in that person's life, maybe even small conflicts distract their minds with such unsettled thoughts that they can't focus on what other people are saying. Maybe there really are people who couldn't care less about others' problems, but there's always a special case. But we can never assume we know people based on the person you see in front of. Sometimes we can't even assume we understand people even after hearing them.

I Want to Sleep

I'm in an extremely irritable mood. Why? Because of my annoying schedule tomorrow. Even though, frankly, I don't think anyone gives a s--- about my day. After all, half the time it looks like I don't give a f--- about their day either, and maybe I actually don't.
Whatever.

So Halloween is here, the time of where people either want to show off their costumes or what to wear something different for once without being judged. A time where kids go around, practically begging for candy. A holiday that developed thousands of years ago, born from the fear that the transitioning dark skies, from October to November, let in so little light through the heavy clouds that the people of that time thought spirits could roll in from them. A time of mischievous pranks, jokes, kidnappings, and murders. Yes. What a wonderful day Halloween is.

From tomorrow morning to the end of the wondrous holiday, I'm needed somewhere besides my bed. 9-12PM I have Chinese school as always, because the Chinese don't celebrate Halloween. 12-2PM I eat lunch and attempt to recover from three hours of my ridiculously boring class. 2-4PM I have art class. Since Victor made me feel so guilty, like I don't try to make time for all my friends (I have four separate groups of people I want to try to hang out with everyday, but frankly, it's exhausting migrating around at lunch, visiting people and trying to make up for the fact that I'm not there half the time), I wanted to go to Regional from 4-6PM. From 6-7PM, I eat dinner, once again attempt to recuperate, then go to my friend's house so they can force a costume onto me and then take me out to walk around a dark neighborhood for who knows how long.

And honestly whether you guys take offense about what I say or not, I think you guys would know if I'm talking to you or not, I sometimes think no one cares what is going on in my life, and as I said before, I probably seem the same to you. And the reason why I haven't been around at lunch I'm trying to repair my friendship with people who I haven't got a chance to hang out ever since "Pie" was formed. I can't take a decent nap because it's uncomfortably loud, not like I've ever expected you guys to tone it down a little since time began. If I have homework to finish, it's so unbearably noisy where you guys were, I swear I once wanted to rip my homework up and throw it at you guys in utter frustration. I can't even bring myself to ask for help anymore because from previous years, you guys would attempt to help me, but then start talking about something else, so I was left with a half-explanation and then tempted to join the conversation, ignoring my homework, and get the 'C' I deserved. Serves me right for not finishing my homework at three. What I hate absolutely the most is when you guys want me to play at some game where I have to get up and accompany you somewhere, especially when I'm doing homework. Sorry, but learn to be f---ing independent. What? You want mommy to hold your hand to college, too? How about I go with you to your f---ing job interview, also? Sure, I understand it's much more fun, or you feel better, to have someone to walk around campus with you, but may I remind you that people aren't your f---ing stuffed animals who have no choice to be dragged around by you until their limbs are falling off. And sorry, I don't care if you think you look like a loser walking around by yourself and I do not care if you feel so lonely that you can't walk less than a freakin' quarter mile by yourself. Why? Because I don't. Maybe I don't understand how you've been feeling at home or if you've been neglected by your family since you were born, but if you can't even walk around school by youself, I sure hope I don't go to the same college as you. Freakin' knock on my door everytime you need to go to the bathroom that's probably just down the hall and ask me to walk you to your class (and college campuses can get f---ing big).
And of recently, not only you guys, but a huge bunch of people, kept bugging me about a Halloween costume. So as I've said repeatedly, buying a costume is a waste of money if you can't return it, I don't have time to make a costume or be creative about it, and it's too troublesome to ask around if people happen to have an article of clothing I can wear. As the way I am now, what's the point of wearing costumes? Showing off your outfit? Wearing something you wouldn't wear on your average day? Are actually celebrating the holiday? Do you think all this is fun? If you think that Halloween is fun, that wearing costumes is fun, if walking around dark neighborhoods and asking for candy is fun, I don't see it right now. Maybe I did in the past, maybe I will in the future, but I really can't see the fun in it at all currently. As far as I know, all this "fun" is trying to be forced onto me so that the people around me can be amused. I don't know what's more selfish, to want to have fun with your friends or to want to only address what you yourself wants to do.

Anyhow, don't mind me, you probably wouldn't be able to very much after reading this post. And after successfully wasting over half an hour, I need to finish my Chinese powerpoint and presenation. Ew.