Literature Response

I'm supposed to be doing homework right now (and I'm certainly going to regret getting distracted when night comes), but I was almost done with Lord of the Flies, so I felt the need to continue reading. So I finished it a few moments ago and felt a need to say that I thought it was an amazing book. A quick summary merged with a few of my thoughts about the book's meaning. There may be some things I've written that may spoil the story, so don't read it if you don't wish to know the ending.
It's a story taking place during wartime. A plane full of young British boys have been shot down, the pilot died and only the passengers survived on an unknown island. At first, everyone was excited. No adults, no rules, and everything was theirs. They worked together in the beginning, but slowly, things fell apart. One of the main characters, Ralph, was elected by the other boys to be chief. As their randomly chosen chief, Ralph seemed wise enough to know that in order for them to be rescued, they needed smoke, a signal for help. One of the other main characters, Jack, didn't think so much about the smoke. He was obsessed with the idea of hunting the pigs that lived on the island, killing, bringing back meat, and what he really wanted was the power of being the leader. The story progresses and everything starts to fall apart around Jack. He became savage and converted most of the other boys into uncivil beings. Jack and the other savages were so separated from society, their minds so twisted by their surroundings, that the idea of killing was not disturbing. The small society on the island broke into pieces. They slowly became humans that not twitch at the sight of the blood of pigs, or even the blood of humans. Nearing the end of the book, the boys were saved. But after Ralph finished speaking with the naval officer that came to rescue them, Ralph's mind flickered back to the images of the pristine island which was then set into a crazed flame. And he started to weep. Crying for the losses that were made, crying for the end of what was innocence, and crying because of the darkness and evil in man's heart. He felt his share of the horrible thing that is called war and what violence does to a people.
I really liked the ending. It really sums up how Ralph has been feeling and it also brings back the whole war thing back into perspective, since while you're reading, you focus more on the boys and their struggles to live on the island. Then the moral of the story kind of pops out at you, stuff like how war is so terrible, without rules we all may go crazy (unfortunately, some people still go against them, small or big, rule breakers or lawbreakers), and that violence brings out the monster in you. Not only does the theme of the book really stand out to me, but it's how I felt while reading. During the entire book, I felt the frustration and the anger. I felt terrified and my heart started to beat faster. The book was simply amazing because it brought so many vivid colors, but morbid images as well. I feel a deeper appreciation for adults and the rules that they guard for our benefits.

Your Sterotypical Snail

When I entered my room today only a few minutes ago, coming back from the library, and the sunlight was slanting into my room through the shades. For some reason, I found deep comfort being there and there was a strange realization that, this was my room. It's not like I never knew my room was . . . well, my room. I guess I just never acknowledged it as my room and only my room? Since I've always used to share my room with my sister, who's moved many of her things with her upstate. That or I'm just really slow. Anyhow, I'd love to stay and chat longer, but I need to finish my homework. I'm a bit tired, so I'd prefer it if I didn't stay up until eleven doing homework.

Knock Knock On the Clock

Delusions, are they? Perhaps . . . insanity? Paranoia is an option. Maybe a really bad sight. Lately, when I look around, or glance off to the side, there's a flash of color. Sometimes the color, in that spilt-second, takes form as a bug, the design of my mom's shirt, or something else completely. And I turn to look back again and there's nothing there, leaving my heart beating fast. What is this? There's nothing to fear from these things, objects, or people, but somehow I feel scared.

Do You Mind?

I just realized that I never updated about how school was for me. So the first two days have been great. I like my teachers, the classes are very interesting. The one I probably dislike the most so far is P.E. Since all we do is sit on very uncomfortable benches and talk. It's not like I don't like talking with people, but it's P.E., we should be out there running or something! Anyhow, it'll get better after the teachers do their thing, give us our lockers, and finally let us move onto the great outdoors. When that happens, my most unfavorable class would probably be Pre-Calculus. It's just not exciting, not to mention, I've never liked math. Zero period Chemistry is okay, the teacher seems pretty cool and Yasmin's in my class. First period P.E., I already talked about. Second period English is great. My teacher seems really cool. We haven't really done much yet, but I just get a vibe that it's going to be a great year. Third period journalism. Oh my gosh, it's like heaven, but I'm alive somehow.
--journalism rant--
The journalism adviser (I don't really like calling her the journalism teacher, because it just feels weird that way), Mrs. Beach, is cool. She's been teaching English for 30 years, worked with a bunch of editors in the past, and has taught journalism for, was it over 25 years? I don't remember. Anyhow, she's really cool and fun. The whole team is just as great. Although I've yet to talk to them or get to know any of them up close, they all just seem so enthusiastic about being there. When Mrs. Beach asks who wants to run an errand for her, this one guy--I forgot his name already--literally jumps up as he says, "I'll do it!" It's so cute. Currently, I really don't have much of a position in journalism. I'm currently fighting for the columnist position. It's just where you can write anything you want, but it has to be creative, funny, and connects with the readers. It's kind of like an editorial. Anyhow, I think it's a nice position, and I thought it was interesting, except there's a bunch of other people who want to spot just as much as I do. I'm a bit intimidated. Guys, you can shower me with as many compliments as you want, but in my head, it will always be, in 18 point font, Arial, bold, "Don't stand a chance." We have to write a sample column and you know, my grammar, vocabulary, and spelling sucks, don't ask why I want to be an author. I actually don't have a good sense of humor. I laugh at really weird things and the jokes I make are really lame puns that make some of my friends depressed because it was really just that lame. Creative, I guess I'm okay with, but I've thought of several ideas and I realize that my topic is just weird and stupid or I have nothing to say about it. Yeah, I went from very optimistic to very pessimistic. I depress myself. You know, I have to sell ads (as in going to businesses or academies to see if they'll pay so their ad shows up in our newspaper) and sell up to $50 or I don't get an 'A'. My parents said something about it sounding like bribery for a grade. I know we need money, the school doesn't fund us, and all the schools have their own money issue. And for people's information, our school ads are so not cheap. When people get their free newspaper, most of the time, the random pieces of paper stuffed in there are not random, they're ads we call "inserts". So while the inserts fall out of people's newspapers and flutter around school like tumbleweed, people paid $45 each for that. As a person who's money is actually just a collection of pocket change my sister gave me (the rest of my dollar bills were spent to pay my dues, meaning to pay back friends money I borrowed), that is a freaking lot of money. To print all 10 issues of the newspaper spends us up over $4,000, since we do have to supply 8 pages of a newspaper to over 2,200 students plus facility. You'd think people would respect the newspaper, you'd think. On the bright side, since lots of businesses buy ads (they're practically donating us the money) we usually have money leftover, which we spend to buy new computers for journalism/yearbook staff.
--end of journalism rant--
Fourth period is math, and you heard my opinion of it. Fifth period history is pretty interesting. The teacher is nice, she makes history much more interesting, granted she told us the history of how sticking up your middle finger came to be, how sayings like "raining cats and dog" came about, and did you know "saved by the bell" was actually people buried alive ringing that bell? Anyhow, that was the first day, and the second day we went to get our textbooks, so I'll see how much I enjoy history later on. I don't really like the people in there, it's full of people who'd always cause trouble and mess around. I'll live, though, hopefully. And finally, sixth period is Spanish. The actually teacher isn't around, so we have a substitute named Mrs. Smart. She lives up to her name rather well, and I think she's a rather interesting teacher. I remember her from substituting my Spanish teacher last year. She's a nice person with many years of experience, though the class gets pretty tough with her manning the station.
I won't lie in saying that I get pretty worn out after class. Perhaps taking a zero period was a mistake? Who knows? Maybe the future.

As Water Clear, As Mud Thick

In a Heartbeat
Scraping sounds upon the door,
And my heart started to beat faster without knowing what for.
No one knows this feeling,
Because I'm all but alone to hear the shrilling,
Except I'm the only one who's terrified.
And the other knew what to do, he's specialized.
My soul was slipping,
The room, I swear, was tipping,
A dark hand reached towards me,
But I could do nothing to be free.
For life, I could jump,
But in jumping, there is no triumph.
Perhaps my breath will be stolen away,
And everything will end the same way.

Heart racing,
Compensating
For the beats that can't be done
When living,
When breathing,
When beating,
Stops.

Four Pieces of Sin
Tangled intestines,
Blinding pain,
Dying slowly as I come
All
Apart.
Breath ceased,
Lodged throat,
My lungs are breaking
All
Apart.
Heart stuck,
Dripping blood,
My love is coming
All
Apart.
Mangled mind,
Twisting world,
I'm falling
All
Apart.
These pieces,
They make
A deformed
Monster.
I scream,
I cry,
I become
All
Flustered.
This crime,
I can only
Make a
Monster.
With my stained hands,
With my own soul.

Just rambling about more angry feelings by in poems. And in case you guys don't get what I'm trying to say, no, I don't want to kill anyone. I'm just upset at myself again.

It's School

School. It's right there. Tomorrow. I'm getting all pumped up for it. Although I'll miss lazing around the house, staying up until unspeakably late (early, depends on how you look at it), and waking up at noon, I want to go back to school. I've discussed my issues with my schedule and how I want to go into Journalism, yes? Well, I have zero period and all the classes are packaged in. I know I'll be busy and I'm probably going to be really tired throughout the year, but I'm still looking forward to the school year. I'm ecstatic about my classes, especially journalism and English class, obviously. I'm not as enthusiastic about chemistry and pre-calculus, though, since they aren't really my best subjects, nor are they my preferred subjects. Except I am hoping to see some improvements with my grades, so you can say I'm still looking forward to the classes. History, I really wish I didn't have to go through it, but it'll be okay, I guess. And then there's P.E., but I like P.E. I have it first period, though, so that's not great, but I'll deal with it.
For some reason, I feel really depressed, too. Except I feel happy. It's a feeling I don't really know how to explain. Maybe it's because I've been listening to Dark Woods Circus a lot lately. I even changed my GaiaOnline profile to something more . . . distant. [x] (if you aren't one of my four close friends who I know reads my blog, and I know they have a Gaia, add me) I was looking for something more depressing, but I couldn't really find one that really suited my mood. And so I chose that one. I editted my "about me--which is under my avatar (and video of Dark Woods Circus, if you didn't know)--to something less happy. Before, there was a picture I bought on the forums (for Gaia gold, of course) with a teddy bear holding a heart and a piece of paper saying "I love my life". Well, replaced that with "You think you're living the life until it bites you dead." Then I added a bunch of more happish-sad sayings I made up. Yeah. I don't know what's with me. I feel happy but I'm also a bit sad off to the side. Weird. Maybe it's school.

Resperating and Perspirating

Staying up late is really taking it out on my lungs. Isn't it really dumb that I stay up anyways? It's even dumber getting irritated at my family for telling me to go to sleep earlier. I guess it's just hard for me to hear it from somebody else.