Appreciation

There are different forms of appreciation.
But can they be compared? The appreciation for life when you've live through years of poverty and without luxury. The appreciation after surviving through surgery. The appreciation after getting over depression.


"When I was 10 and first saw a radio, I thought there were people inside them."

"Back then, we thought a 9-inch television screen was impressive."

"We had to sit behind each other, because if you looked at the screen from the side, you couldn't see what was happening."

"In college, when it was about the time when China's women volleyball were at their peak, everyone crowded around the TV. There was only 20 inch TV for each dormitory. Six floors, twenty rooms, eight people per room. The first row, people sat on the floor, behind them, people sat on chairs. Then people stood. Then people stood on chairs. Then people stood on the table. The people stood on chairs on tables. All the way until people's heads were touching the ceiling."

"We were so proud when both of our children could go to college. You could only take the exam once. If you failed that one time, you could never go to college. Not in China."

it's time to move on

I hate it when my sister comes to visit.

It only reaffirms my loss.

Time, pain, loneliness, emptiness.

And I remember that there will be a time when she won't come back home. And there will be a time when I leave home. And there will be a time when I won't come back home. And there will be a time when my parents won't be home.

And after all the time has passed, when the pain has increased, when the loneliness peaks, and when the emptiness remains . . . I'll have a new home.

And I'll be happy, surrounded by the people I love and perhaps know then that they don't love me conditionally, perhaps they'll understand that I love them unconditionally, perhaps we'll be a family.

But then I'll lose more on the day my children will leave home. And one day, they won't come back home. And one day, I won't be home.

tsudere

The End

"THE END"

Some happy ending . . .




So sad . . .

So depressing . . .



"Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

A beautiful song that just doesn't seem beautiful anymore when . . . everything . . . everything . . .

The Hunger Games

It's amazing how reading makes you go through the worst PMS ever. That applies to movies and music even.

Oh, how these words wrap their fingers around your neck and strangle you. Words that lift your hopes in their kind hands and toss you back into the Earth with such force, that it's only until after you get out of your daze, you think it's a b----.

So kind. So cruel. So beautiful. So hideous. So innocent. So destructive.

Words that burn themselves into your mind, spoken or read, forever haunting you, forever letting you see those words flash through your head all the time, forever seeing the images they provoke.

Is there no hope in this cruel world? If we replaced poor leaders with better ones, if we replaced the corrupt with the pure, if we ruled the world with our hands . . . oh the fragile tough thing would break the moment it touched our wretched hands.

Oh so cruel the world is! How sad life is! Why are humans so kind, so cruel, so beautiful, so hideous, so innocent, so destructive that we can't nourish anything with our hands but pain and sorrow and never ending torture.





By the way, The Hunger Games Trilogy. So. Good. I swear. It's so powerful. It has so much to it. It doesn't just have adventure, action, humor, romance, and drama, there's so much more. So much depth. It's so sweet. It's addicting and it's painful. It's a drug that stabs you in the heart, but deep down inside you think, I still want to continue, even if it's sad, even if it's cruel--hand me that box of tissues over there--even if I start screaming, "NO, WHY, YOU LOVED HER SO MUCH. YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE OVER AND OVER TO PROTECT HER. EVEN IN YOUR STAGE OF DELIRIUM, YOU CALLED OUT TO HER. OH MY GOD, IS THERE NO HOPE IN THIS BOOK? IN THIS WORLD? IS THIS HOW'S IT'S GOING TO END? NOW? NOW?!?! GIVE ME THE ENDING ALREADY, WAIT NO, I TAKE THAT BACK, NO, STOP IT!!!"

Yeah, it drives me crazy. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET. Because I read so slow.

I should be doing AP homework. Actually, it's past 12, I'm SUPPOSED to be in bed. BUT, OH MY GOD, GOOD SERIES.

SO GENIUS, BUT SO PAINFUL. AGH, THIS BOOK IS DRIVING ME INSANE. IT'S INFURIATING, BUT SO. F---ING. GOOD.




Yeah, I'm sane. I promise.

So. I posted for the first time in . . . over a month. Yay me!

Yeah, I need to go to bed now.

READ THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY. YOU WON'T REGRET IT. . . . maybe you will, but ohhh my goood, it's worth the regret in my opinion.

Now I have to crawl up in bed and cry because this book is just SO SAD. Oh, I hope for a happy ending . . .

Blurred Vision

Ache.

Sometimes you forget to shut up.

And sometimes you forget to be patient.

And sometimes you forget to think.

Ache.

You try to play peace but instead you light the fire that the wind blows. Then the entire village is burning.

And sometimes you feel like you should have done something different.

And sometimes you wonder if you tremble when you're cold or when you're sad.

Ache.

Elephants move in herds, hyenas in packs, sheep in flocks, fish in schools, life in pieces, and hearts in shards.

Ache.

Life's not that bittersweet. It's just bitter. Really bitter. So bitter you think it's sweet. Like when you touch something really hot, you get confused if it's really hot or if it's really cold until it starts burning. Burning on your tongue. Even when you burn sugar it turns all black and disgusting. You pour in more sugar to make the coffee sweet.

All you get is black coffee.

D--- the coffee.